The Boston swim meet

You can read about how Jess swam a zillion hours in our lovely Boston water here.
It's really a great story. I can't even swim one lap in the pool without getting tired. Jess is truly amazing.

Working through an anxiety attack

I am trying to ignore the fact that my throat is closing up and my breathing is off. The tears are streaming down my face and I am trying to stay calm. I hate anxiety attacks. I really do. I keep making typos and correcting them. My breathing is getting better. It is slowing down. I never tried to get control by typing before but just by focusing on something else,it seems to be helping.

I just got off the phone with Fred,the representative from this horrific nightmarish insurance that Rich's boss switched us to a couple of months ago. You know,the one that cost me $96 for my cholesterol pills yesterday,instead of the $30 that I used to pay with the old insurance.

I had e-mailed Fred because Rich said he asked me to so that he could try to help us. The bottom line was,he really can't help. I asked him about my doctor's visits which are coming up in September. Will I still have a $20 co-payment? He said it will be $25 and that I have a $250 deductible for tests. I told him I have a blood test every three months. Basically,I'll be paying that on my own.

That's when I lost it. My throat started to close up and I could barely get the words out because I was feeling like I was on the brink of hysteria. I said,"I have to be on these medications the rest of my life. I almost died last year. I need to see my doctor and nutritionist every 3 months. I have to have blood tests. I already pay $500 a month for this ridiculous insurance and we get NOTHING for it!! My meds are not discounted and I am paying my own doctor's bills!!"

Fred's reply was,"Well,this plan is really for healthy people."
I started shaking and crying when I said,"Ya...well.....I wish I was healthy on my own but unfortunately,I need medication to stay that way!!"

In the end, he admitted that he could not help me so I said good-bye and hung up.

Ya gotta laugh that I am supposed to cut down on my stress and yet,my whole life is one stressful situation after the next. Today is my one and only day off until next Monday because I have to work on my days off this week since Kara and Peter are out of their office. I don't mind working for them but I also don't get a day off.

I know there are so many things to be grateful for but today....I am just totally
F%^$#*& PISSED OFF! I am sick of working my ass off and still having shit happen. I am sick of being tired all the time because I am up most nights worrying about everything. I am sick of trying to figure out how to pay our bills.

I just called one of my jobs to see if I could get medical insurance through them. I can but it will cost $770.00 per month which is more than I actually make.

I told my mom that I am waiting for a nice fairy to fly from the sky and tell me that I deserve to have some good luck and then *poof* my life will be better.
Too bad life doesn't work that way.....too bad.

Do you know your phone number?

One of the things that drives me absolutely crazy is when people don't know their phone number. Ya....it's true! Some of them are clueless!
In my job with the answering service,I have to ask each caller what their call back number is so the doctor can return their call. There are too many people who say,"Uhm....I don't know my phone number because I don't call myself."

You don't call yourself? That's supposed to be a valid excuse? I don't write to myself but I know my home address!
That's all I have to say!

We actually met,Jess!

Well we did it.On Friday,Lillianna and I drove to the mall for our meeting with Jess. After "talking" to her online for the past two years, I was hoping she'd be just like I had pictured her.

I was surprised that she was taller than I had imagined because on her blog,she had said she was short. Well,I'm short at 5'3" so I thought she would be around 5' or 5'1". She's 5'5"! When I asked her why she said she was short she said,"Well,I am short for an athlete." Hmmmmm....I didn't think about it that way. In my eyes,that girl is tall.

We had a lovely lunch at Joe's American Bar and Grill and it took us forever to actually order since we were babbling non-stop and never really looked at the menu. Lillianna was absolutely silent and I realized that Jess and I were out-talking her! That's really amazing since Lillianna is quite a chatty little girl. We finally let her get a word in every now and then. She finally felt comfortable after a while and just piped up whenever she had something to say.

We spent around 4 hours at the mall and then Jess had to head to Boston for her pre-swim dinner. She came back to our apartment around 9:45pm to spend the night. We were both exhausted but we still talked for a while before going to sleep. We were both up very early since I had to go to work and she was heading back to Boston for her 4 hour swim mete. I'm still waiting to hear how that went. She drove back to Florida right after the mete so we didn't get a chance to see her again.

I am so glad that we got the chance to spend some time with her. Jess is kind,caring,funny and intelligent. She's just the way I thought she would be. Lillianna cried when she left. I told her she could still email Jess and we were lucky that we got to meet her. She sniffled and nodded her head but she didn't seem convinced.

I am always envious of people who get to meet their online friends. Now I can say that I met one too!

A lesson in friendship

This post is over at DotMoms.

My first "real life" meeting

I often wish that I could meet some of the people I have "known" online for the past two years. Today,Lillianna and I are going to meet Jess for lunch and then shop for a few hours. Then Jess is off to Boston for a pre-race dinner before she swims tomorrow morning. After dinner,she will come back to our apartment for a couple of hours of sleep before we are both up at the crack of dawn. I have to leave for work and Jess will head to Boston for her swim meet. I wish I could've taken the time off from work to see her swim but unfortunately,I don't have any extra vacation days. I'm taking them for Kara's wedding next month.

In two weeks,I will be meeting Kris.
Hmmm...it's almost like these internet people are real!

This is exciting because after reading their blogs and exchanging emails,I wonder if they will be the way I have imagined them to be. I'll let you know.

Have you met any of your internet friends?

A hodge-podge of thoughts

I haven't written a post since last Wednesday because I have so much crap in my head I couldn't put one thought together. Kris obviously had the same problem and she put all her thoughts in one post. Hey,I can do that. I was trying to make it sound sensible but apparently,that is not a must. I love blogging.

Here is what is on my mind...in no particular order.

1. Lillianna and I went up to the pool today at 3pm. I had a headache earlier in the day and begged Lillianna to let me nap for an hour. Wednesdays are hard for me because I work until 11:30pm on Tuesday nights so I was half dead today. Finally,after lunch and after my too short nap,I packed snacks and went up to the pool. A mom was leaving with her daughter and she said,"The pool is closed. The filter is broken. It's been broken for 3 days."

I was pissed. They put ridiculous signs in our vestibule every day of the week. Why couldn't they let us know about the pool??

2. There is a horrible glare running across my computer screen right now. I just HATE that!!

3. I have to go for my fitting this week. I did manage to buy my shoes and bra for the dress on Monday so all that is left is the fitting. Uhm...with my schedule,when the hell will I fit it in?? Huh?....When???

4. Tomorrow is my morning at the ophthalmology practice. I really hate dealing with people. It's 4 hours of torture,it really is. August 13th will mark my 16 year anniversary at this hell hole. Happy freakin' anniversary to me.

5. We still haven't heard about the job Rich applied to in June. We were told it might take a few months but I really want to know already! RIGHT NOW!

6. I have to go right from work to my sister's office tomorrow afternoon to train for that job. I wonder if I'll really ever be trained. Only time will tell.

7. Mom was telling me about the meeting she and Kara had today with the caterer for the wedding. The dessert table sounds delicious. My mouth was watering. Stupid Diabetes......ruins all my fun! I won't be able to eat a damn dessert!!

8. Lillianna and I watched Dr.Phil today. It was about a mom and dad who beat their 5 kids. It was horrible. It made us both sad for the kids.

I guess that's it for now. The glare is giving me a headache.

Too late,Mel......it's just too late

I'm really tired of hearing Mel Gibson apologize to the Jewish community for the anti-Semitic remarks that he made when he got picked up for drunk driving last week.
He claims he didn't mean them and that he is not anti-Semitic. He chalked it up to being drunk and not knowing what he was saying.

I have been drunk once or twice in my life and I knew exactly what I was saying when I said it. The problem was,I didn't care that I was saying it.

My senior year in high school,my friends and I arrived at our Halloween dance after drinking way too much Riunite Lambrusco. I was buzzed and determined to tell the boy that I liked that I liked him even though he was dating one of my friends. I did start to reveal my undying love for him when another friend dragged me off before I let the cat out of the bag. My point is,I knew exactly what I was doing even though I wasn't using my best judgment at the time. I never used the excuse,"Well,you can't blame me,I was drunk." The alcohol gave me the courage to say what I had been dying to say for way too long.

I think it's the same with Mel Gibson. He meant every anti-Semitic thing he said and the alcohol gave him the push that he needed to say it. His own father thinks the Holocaust is mostly fiction! The history of anti-Semitism is certainly in the family,although I don't blame children for their parent's actions. You can't deny that this isn't even the first time Mel has been accused of hating the Jewish people.

So Mel,since I am Jewish,I just want you to know that it's not up to me to forgive you. It's up to me to believe that your apology is sincere....which I do not. I think you are trying to say what you think we want to hear and what I want to hear is that you never said those things in the first place.
It's just too late,Mel.

Some of my favorite posts

I'm at Kara's office hardly working so I decided to link some of my favorite posts here today. Enjoy.

The reason society is confused

What's in a name?

Making a sandwich

I want to be a 1950's sit-com mom I have to say that this was actually a DotMoms post but I really love this one. There was a comment questioning whether Amy and Kristy were names in the 50's but I just used the names of my real friends in this decade.

That's all for now. It was nice to re-read these posts. Sometimes I just forget what I had written in the past.

Can you hear me now? Good!

Cell phones...ya gotta love them. This post is over at DotMoms today.

Me and my friend,Ashley

Lillianna wrote about her sleep over with her friend,Ashley. This is her first post in quite a while. If you have a chance,please her post at Lillianna's place.

Your cheatin' heart part 2

Rich and I were talking about Your cheatin' heart the other night and I said, "You know,I have a better chance of forgiving you for killing someone than I do if you were cheating. Like,if you did actually kill someone,I'd at least ask you what happened and why you did it. If you had a reasonable explanation, I might be able to deal with it. If you cheated on me,there would be no questions asked. You'd just be thrown out without a word."

Rich kind of laughed and nodded. He has always known my opinion on cheating. He shares the same view as I do. Thank goodness we can trust each other. More than anything else,a good marriage has to have trust and honesty,which to us,is one and the same.

Making peace with frozen dinners

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Your cheatin' heart

Lillianna and I spent five hours at the pool today. I heard and saw things that I wish I hadn't.

A few minutes after we arrived at 11am,a good looking dark skinned man who was probably in his 30's, entered the pool area with 2 small boys. I was impressed with Brian,the 8 year old,right away. He and Lillianna were standing on the top step of the pool and Brian asked Lillianna her name. After she told him, he walked over to her and said,"My name is Brian. Nice to meet you," and he shook her hand. I thought he was adorable. His 5 year old brother was equally charming. The younger boy called the man,"Dad",but Brian called him,Eric. I wasn't sure if Brian belonged to Eric's wife and maybe that was how the boys were brothers. It was kind of confusing but it really didn't matter.

As I was resting by the wall and doing leg lifts,I overheard this creepy guy that I don't like,talking to Eric. They know each other from working out at the gym. He asked where his wife was today. Eric said she was working on the Cape. Questions went back and forth and Eric said his wife was 26 and has her master's degree. She makes a lot of money as some type of rep and her bonus checks alone are over $8,000 per month. Eric didn't disclose his age when his son asked him. He kind of said 30...31...32...and made a joke of it. I thought he seemed like a nice loving dad.

Sitting near where Eric,his boys and the creepy guy were sitting,there were 2 young girls in revealing bikinis tanning themselves. Creepy guy couldn't resist talking to them and so the conversation started with,"Where are you from?" and ended with,"Oh....so you're a stripper?" Why wasn't I surprised?

Keep in mind that we (me,Lillianna,Eric and his boys and Erin-the stripper) were all at the pool for 5 hours. By 3:00pm,Eric ordered pizza which was delivered to the pool. When it came,he and the boys,along with Erin,sat under the umbrella and had lunch. About 20 minutes later,Erin's 2 friends,one male- one female,joined her at the pool.

After a few minutes,Erin went in the pool.Eric and the boys joined her. Brian and his brother began to splash them as if he were throwing rice and they sang,"Here comes the bride......" Eric and Erin laughed at those silly kids. Then they chanted,"Kiss her. Kiss her." He scooped her in his arms and kissed her in a very romantic way. I was stunned. Erin's friends just laughed.

After that,Erin and Eric continued to snuggle together in the pool. I was ill every time I saw them. How could he do that,especially in front of his boys? I wonder what his wife with the master's degree will say if the boys mention it? Will she shrug it off when he explains it was just a joke...just for fun and it meant nothing? Is this intelligent woman a sucker when it comes to her husband? I guess I'll never know but it makes me wonder....what do you consider cheating?

If Lillianna came home and told me this same story that I witnessed today but with Rich as the cheating husband,I'd pack up his stuff,throw it out the window and file for divorce. That would be more than enough for me. I wouldn't even want to hear his side of the story.

Would you consider this to be a case of infidelity or just harmless fun? How far would you let your husband go with flirting with another woman?

My new career

I went into Kara's office on Wednesday for training. She and Peter own a mortgage company and she is trying to train me to cover the office for their September honeymoon. I have gone in over the years to answer the phone and open the office when they are away but that has been to basically take messages,which I know how to do. This is different.

Kara tried to explain some of the basics to me but as Peter walked by and heard what she was saying he gasped and said,"Don't tell her all that. Are you trying to scare her?" We just laughed. I'm not scared. I'm just worried.

I know nothing about mortgages and I don't have a head for numbers unless they are ophthalmology related such as eye glass prescriptions,visual acuity and interocular pressures. I've been dealing with eyes for 19 years: 3 years working for an optometrist where I sold glasses and taught people how to insert contact lenses and 16 years working for an ophthalmology practice doing eye exams as a certified technician. I know eyes..... not mortgages. The problem is that I am completely burnt out being an ophthalmic tech and I do need a career change. I'm just not sure what I want to change to.

I think Kara's goal is to train me to take over the office while they are away and then eventually,to have me work there and process loans. In a way,it's very appealing. I love Peter and Kara and we get along great. Would working with them change that relationship? I don't think so. If Kara and Peter can work together,live together and vacation together and not kill each other,I don't think adding me into the mix would hurt anything.

After my first five hours of training,I felt like I didn't accomplish much but Kara thought I did a great job. She said it took her 5 weeks to train the last person to do what I did in one day. I think Kara is a big fat liar pants and that she said that so I wouldn't feel discouraged. I just input some info for a loan and uploaded it to the bank's account. A chimp could've done that.

They are going away this weekend so I have to go in to open on Monday because they won't be back until Tuesday morning. This time,it's just to answer the phone so it'll be easy but next time......who knows? I wonder if this will be my new career!

Have you ever changed jobs from something that you were familiar with to something completely new? How did that work out for you?

Has anyone seen Suri Cruise?

I can't read a headline these days without seeing the big question,"Has anyone seen Suri Cruise?" People are doubting she exists now. Was it a hoax?
Leah Remini claims she has held Suri. Whoopie. My days of wondering are over. Thank goodness someone has seen her. A store clerk claims she saw the baby and she is ghastly. I wonder how much the tabloids paid her to say that. Will anyone pay me to say anything?

Let's put this in perspective. I couldn't care less about Suri Cruise and her messed up parents. Tom Cruise in insane and Katie Holmes is a dope for being with this ding dong. True love? In Hollywood? I don't even think that is possible.

A sighting of Suri is so far down on my list,(well,it would actually never make my list) but.....here are ten things-in no particular order-that I care more about than someone spotting Suri Cruise.

1.) Will the Israeli's end the terror of Hezbollah?

2.) Will I find shoes for my sister's wedding in time for my first fitting?

3.) Should I have white or wheat bread tomorrow morning?

4.) Do we still have sugar free popsicles in the freezer?

5.) How long will this Brady Bunch marathon be on TVLand? I turned it on for Lillianna at 4am this morning and 19 hours later....it's still on!!!!

6.) Will the Gardetto's snack that I ate earlier in the day have any impact on my blood sugar tonight? It was really high in carbs!

7.) Will it be warm enough to go to the pool tomorrow?

8.) Why don't people pluck their chin hairs?

9.) What kind of back pack will I get Lillianna for 3rd grade?

10.) Why do celebrities breed???? WHY??

Rumor has it that a first picture of Suri will go for somewhere between $2 million and $5 million. Who said this world isn't messed up??

Have YOU spotted Suri? Oh wait.....there she is........sorry......false alarm. It was just a dust bunny. Damn,I'd better sweep!

The power of positive thinking

I've had my moments when I've read something inspirational and it explains that if I just had positive thoughts,my life would be different. Hmmmm.....the theory is a good one. Recently,I have re-read some of "Conversations with G-d." (I think you have to scroll to the top to see this book if you click on the link.)

It says that if I say something like,"I want to have a lot of money," the universe hears that and says,"Yes,you do want to have a lot of money." If I say,"I see a lot of money coming my way," then the universe responds by sending me what I already see happening. There is probably a better way to describe that but basically,that's the way it goes.

I have said,"I want," a lot over the years and I haven't gotten one thing that I wanted. I am trying to re-word what I need in my life so that I actually get it. I have put my new thoughts into action this week and I have to believe that what I envision for my life will be coming true very soon.

Do you believe that what you say to the universe has a direct effect as to what actually happens in your life?

Who can we "out" today?

I had to laugh when I read that Oprah denied she was in a lesbian relationship with her best friend Gayle. Was it a slow news day or what? First of all,people don't understand close female relationships anymore. There must be something more to it than "friendship",right? Wrong! Why can't people just mind their own business?

My second thought is this,what if they were gay? Who cares? It's 2006!! Are we taking giant steps backwards? Remember when Ellen Degeneres was outed? Ooooooh! Big freakin' deal. She's gay. Tell me again how that totally changed my life. Oh wait,it didn't! She is funny,kind and loving and has a popular talk show. Does being gay make her unfunny? unkind? unloving? I don't think so.

Not too long ago,the world tried to "out" Sponge Bob Square Pants! Are you kidding me? He's a cartoon sponge!

I have a friend who I will call "B." We have been friends since high school although I was in love with him when I was in 4th grade and he was in 6th. We became the best of friends in our teen years when we actually knew what true friendship was. At that time,I didn't know he was gay and neither did he. Long story short:he figured it out in college.

I had a hard time dealing with it at first because this was 1981 and being gay was taboo and there was very little information about being gay. I was so innocent and ignorant about this subject. I always loved "B" because he was and is a wonderful person. Although I had a tough time understanding it all at the beginning,I finally realized that being gay was just a part of who "B" was and it didn't change him in any way.

We are still friends to this day. He is the same friend to me as he was in high school. Just the same old "B." Do I think of him as my gay friend? Not any more than I think of him as my friend who wears glasses and contact lenses. Neither one has anything to do with our friendship. I believe that certain souls recognize one another and "B" and I have always had that connection.
Could it be the same for Oprah and Gayle? A friendship is a heart connection,no matter what the sex of the friend is.

I wish people would stop trying to "out" everyone. It's the least relevant thing I can think of.

What should I worry about?

I've been worrying about finances for years but it has gotten worse in the past 9 months since I was diagnosed with pancreatitis and diabetes. As I've complained about before,my meds are expensive and I had to cut down on my work hours due to stress which is not good for my health.

This morning,I heard that Hezbollah has now threatened to attack the U.S. and destroy us all. Apparently,the people in charge say Hezbollah is no threat to us and we are not in any danger at all.

So,should I worry about being behind in my bills or should I stop worrying because Hezbollah is planning on killing us all soon?

I never get tired of compliments

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Packing it up

Today's post is over at The Lighter Side.

It's a good thing I'm not a violent person

I hate health insurance. I know it serves a purpose but I think that holds true only if it's a good insurance. Rich works for a small company and his boss tries to save money on health insurance. It's been changed several times over the past 4 years and each time it has gone from "ok" to "less ok". With this last change we've gone from
"I can't do this anymore" to "Are you freakin' kidding me with this?"

I am on several medications since my pancreatitis in November. I also have prescriptions for my diabetic testing supplies. Our new insurance which took effect on July 1st,tried to charge me $96 for my cholesterol med which I have paid $30 for in the past. I have to be on this for the rest of my life. I called the new prescription company and they said they're not an insurance company. They are a prescription help program. Who are they helping? It's not me,that's for sure.

After 40 minutes on the phone with this representative on Monday,he said if I could get my doctor to switch my Tricor to Welchol,my co-payment would be $30 again. I put in a call to my doctor and when I went to pick it up today at CVS,they told me it would be $198!!!! and I would be taking 2 pills three times a day instead of one a day. Ok,so it's a million percent higher in cost and I have to pop pills all day long??? Ya,that's a big help.

I told the woman that it was supposed to be $30 and she said she would call for me. After several minutes on the phone she came back and said absolutely not.It's $198. Then she made another call and came back to say my old insurance went through and it's only $30 today. I told her we don't have that insurance anymore. She said they can't come back and reject it if it went through so now I would have 30 more days to figure out what to do.

My diabetes test strips went from $50 a month which I thought was outrageous,to $88 a month which I think is robbery! All my meds are higher on this "help" plan and Rich's boss assured him this plan was no different from the last one. When he comes back from vacation next week,Rich is going to talk to him. Basically,he needs a $400 raise per month and that will just cover my medication. I think it is totally unfair to keep going from an ok insurance to one that sucks even more. We pay over $500 per month for this insurance. Shouldn't they insure something other than their own pockets?

(After I posted this,I went in the other room to clean up. I decided to condense my Tricor bottles so I opened up my CVS bag and was stunned. What the heck was this? It was a giant bottle of pills. I read the label:WELCHOL!! They told me I was getting Tricor for one more month. I opened the bottle and saw pills that were the size of my big toe. I have to take 6 of them a day. SIX!

I know I'm lucky to be alive. All my doctors kept telling me that when I was in the hospital since I almost died but here I was enjoying my life and suddenly I have pancreatitis and diabetes. For a woman who hates needles (who doesn't?) I had to have a complete life change and check my blood sugar two to three times a day.It's not fun. I am on medications that I have never been on before and as I said,I have to be on the cholesterol med forever.

Taking six damn pills a day is too much for me. I know there are people who take many more than I do and who are on insulin so I really have nothing to complain about but you know,this is hard for me. It is adding to the depression that I am already in. I hope anxiety meds only have a $10 co-payment because I think that will be next for me.)

Welcome to my chocolate factory

I made 64 bride and groom chocolate lollipops yesterday. Today,I will wrap them all.
Kara's bridal shower is just 5 days away. I remember when it was months away. Where did all the time go?

I also have to make chocolate boxes with a chocolate diamond ring inside for our 3 flower girls;Lillianna,Lena and Bella. (Lena and Bella are Peter's daughters and Lillianna's soon-to-be cousins.)There is a lot of chocolate making going on in here.

Yesterday,while driving Lillianna to her hip-hop dance class,I told her the story of when I made chocolates for Liane's bridal shower. Lillianna thought it was very funny so I thought I'd write about it. My point to Lillianna was,"You always have to try your best." I think I got my point across.

It must have been June 1997. I remember it was summer time and it was HOT! I was 6 months pregnant and a tad more teary than usual. I had agreed to make chocolate heart bride and groom jewelry boxes with a bride and groom inside for a shower favor. I had been making chocolates for years by then so this was no big deal.....or so I had thought.

I bought this new chocolate mold because it had the imprint of a bride and groom on the cover and I loved it. My friend,Cheryl,had come over to help me make them. After pouring the first mold and letting it freeze to set,we tried to unmold it. The top popped out with ease,but the bottom was stuck. I tapped it lightly. Nothing. I pressed it lightly so that I wouldn't crack the chocolate. Nothing. I pressed and pressed and....crack. The bottom was in a million pieces!

I looked hopelessly at Cheryl and she said,"Let's try it again." We did and the same thing happened.I tried again. This time I pleaded with it,"Come on chocolate. You can do it. Just pop out for me,ok?" I asked G-d for help,"This is for my best friend's shower. We've been through a lot together. Help me make this day wonderful for her." I tapped the mold. I pressed the mold and.....it cracked again.

I called up the chocolate store down the street where I buy my supplies and asked them for a tip. They said to tap it. We had. Press it. Yup. That's all they had to say. I sighed and called up the chocolate store a few towns away where I buy my molds. They said I was doing everything right.THEN WHY WON'T THE CHOCOLATE COME OUT???????

After 3 hours of this,Cheryl wished me luck and went home.I looked at the 25 tops that I had and no bottoms.I needed 50 or 60 completed boxes. I can't remember how many it was but I was not going to give up.

The next day,I tried again. After about an hour,I got a bottom to come out....unbroken!!! I was overjoyed! The next one broke. The one after that broke. I sat down and cried. I cried and cried as I begged the chocolates to cooperate. "Please....I'm a good person. Why won't you just unmold? Why?"

Finally,I tried rubbing it in spots where it might've been stuck and patted it gently and tapped. It came out...in one whole piece. I thanked it for it's cooperation and tried another one. It too,came out in one piece. Not wanting to appear cocky,I gave it a grateful pat and set it aside.

About 6 hours later,I had all my chocolate jewelry boxes done. The following day,I wrapped them in cellophane bags and tied them with a ribbon. I gave the mold a dirty look and said,"I don't love anyone enough to go through this again. This is the last time I am making this." I put it in my box of molds but in 9 years,I've never used it.

That weekend was Liane's shower. I put a chocolate box at each place setting and sat down to enjoy the day. I could hear people talking about the chocolate. "Oh look. It opens. It's like a jewelry box!" "Hey,there's a little bride and groom in here." "I wonder where they ordered these. I'd like them for my daughter's shower."
Kristy,who was sitting next to me said,"This is the person who made them all," as she pointed to me. Everyone asked me questions and told me how beautiful they were.
It took the pain of making them away a bit. I knew they were beautiful and it's a good thing I love Liane as much as I do or I would've given up long ago.

I knew I could find a way to make the mold work so I didn't give up although I think I cried in every chocolate!

When friendships change

Over the years,I have had friendships that have changed and one that has stayed the same. Liane and I have been friends since 7th grade. (That's 35 years for anyone who is counting.) Even though our lives have changed,our friendship has become stronger and deeper over the years. We were 12 year old girls when we met and now we are married with children.

Liane has lived out of the country for the past 6 years but we have kept in touch through emails and phone calls and her yearly visit to the U.S. We have always shared a special bond that will never be broken....again.

There was a time,many years ago,when we didn't talk for a few years due to a misunderstanding.We were young...in our twenties.I guess that translates into "We were stupid," or something like that.The day we got back together,we stayed up talking until 3am and we caught up on everything. It was just as if we had always been together without those years of separation. We realized that the separation was necessary because we both grew in ways that together,we may not have and we have tried not to dwell on those missed years. The present is more important....and the future. I am looking forward to her return to the states for two years which will begin in just a couple of weeks. Yahoo! Even though she will be a few states away,at least our phone calls will be in the same time zone!

With some relationships,you grow and change together. In others,no matter how hard you think you are trying,sometimes the growth and changes are not always what you were hoping for.

Kristy and I have been friends for 16 years. We met at work back in August 1990 and we just clicked. She was newly married to her 3rd husband when we met and I was single. Luckily,I got along great with Jerry. He was like the older brother I always wanted. Kristy's sons were 11 and 12 when we met and I loved them immediately.

Over the years,I got married and then 3 years later,Lillianna was born. I actually met Rich in Kristy's kitchen! Is that fate or what?

Things have really been pretty good all these years up until a couple of years ago and especially this past year. We have tried so hard to keep in touch even though I work weird hours and I am busy with Lillianna and Kristy owns her own shop which is in the barn next to her house so she is working a lot too.

We still went strawberry picking with Lillianna as we do every year. Kristy made sure that we set a date for that because she enjoys teaching Lillianna how to pick the best strawberries. Believe me,she is a great teacher. I guess my problem is that both Rich and I have the feeling that we're no longer included in Kristy and Jerry's life.

There are so many times that we go by their house on our way home(it's on the main road) and there are tons of cars there and we weren't invited. Sometimes it's a coven thing. (They are Wiccan and we don't belong to their coven-or any coven- so if it's a religious ritual,we wouldn't expect to be invited and that's ok.)There are other times when Rich hears after the fact from his friend Gary,that there was some sort of get together and we never know why we weren't invited.

In the past,when I have casually asked Kristy about this,she has either said that she knew I'd be working since I work all weekend or that she knows it's hard for us to find a babysitter for Lillianna so she didn't bother telling us.Even so,it's nice to be asked.

Recently,we found out that "the gang" was going out for dinner to celebrate Gary's birthday. Of course,we weren't included. In some ways it bothers me and in other ways I'm bothered by the fact that I guess it doesn't really matter. We're just not in the group anymore.

Kristy and I will still be friends,of course, but I am kind of mourning the death of what our friendship used to be. Sometimes,you just can't go back.

My disappointing shopping trip.

I was excited to go shopping for a shower outfit for Kara's bridal shower which is fast approaching until I actually began to shop. Yesterday,we went to Dress Barn and Fashion Bug with my mom. I tried on all the cute flowing skirts that I love but they all made me look fatter than before I lost the 50 pounds. That didn't seem fair at all. I ended up walking to my car in tears.

After those two stores,Mom went home and Lillianna and I headed to the local mall. I tried Marshall's,Lane Bryant,Sears and Old Navy but there was nothing pretty for me. Lillianna found a skirt set (for the shower) and a short set at Old Navy so she was thrilled. I was happy for her but sad for myself. This was supposed to be fun!

Today after work, I met Mom and Lillianna at Kohl's. Mom kept handing me the most hideous and disgusting clothes to try on. I do not look good in green,brown or orange so why did she hand me clothes in these colors? She had me try on a pair of stretchy black gouchos. "They're the newest fashion," she explained. Ya,well,I thought they were ridiculous and unflattering when I first saw them in 1976 and I haven't changed my opinion in the past 30 years. On a tall,thin woman they may look great but I looked like an Oompa Loompa in them. Not the look I was going for.

Finally,I tried on a pair of long black gauze-like pants which were fine. Nothing special. Mom insisted that I have them so she bought them for me. She told me to keep looking for a matching shirt today. This was not the outfit I had in mind for Kara's shower. I wanted a flowing dress or skirt or at the very least,a cutie pie capri set...something hip and happening. Instead,I have black pants and no shirt. Yippee!

After I got my hair cut,Lillianna and I went to Burlington Coat Factory. After going through each rack 3 times,I found a white blouse that I liked. It's a sleeveless, button down shirt with a little collar. I tried to find shoes and jewelry but I wasn't so lucky. I'll try again tomorrow.

This was a very disappointing experience. I thought this would be exciting and that I'd enjoy buying a beautiful outfit but there is no beautiful outfit to enjoy. Just my stupid black pants and white shirt. How blah is that???

If you're thinking of murdering your children and then killing yourself......

here's a handy tip for you. Kill yourself FIRST!!!!! Let the kids live!
I am so sick of hearing about parents killing their children. What kind of maniac do you have to be to do such a thing? You can read this horrific story here.

A nice compliment from my mom!

Last Sunday,I went to Kara's house straight from work,to write out her wedding invitations. I practiced all day at work with the calligraphy pen trying to write in a pretty,not too bubbly way. It took me two hours but I got them all written out. Kara stuffed them and sent them out yesterday.

Mom called me at work tonight and said she got her invitation today and it was beautiful. "Where did you learn to write like that?" she asked excitedly. "It looks very professional!" I didn't know what to say. I thought they looked fine but I didn't think they looked professional. I was surprised and pleased...very pleased.

Kara was impressed with them last week but I wondered if she was just happy that she didn't have to do them herself so she gushed for no reason. Apparently they did look good. Yay me!!

You can't wait for happiness

I used to get so frustrated when I was single because so many of my friends used to say,"When I meet the right guy,I'll be happy." Well,if you're not happy before you meet the right guy,how the heck will you be happy after you meet him? Will he bring a magical happiness pill?

Sometimes I catch myself saying,"I'll be happy when........"(Rich gets a better job,we have enough money to buy a house,we don't have to worry about money....)I know they say money can't buy happiness and I definitely agree with that,but money can make life easier and less stressful,which is really what I'm hoping for.

There are times when I feel like I am in limbo,just waiting for my real life to start. It's not that I haven't been living my life all these years because I have,it's jut that this is not where I thought I'd be at 43. There are so many changes I still have to make and I just feel like I am cemented to one spot with no way to make my dreams come true.

Some dreams take courage like submitting my book to a publisher.....I still haven't done it and I have no one to blame but myself. Other dreams are out of my hands like waiting to hear if Rich got the new job we are both praying that he gets.

In the meantime, I try to enjoy the happiness that surrounds our family every day but sometimes,it isn't as easy as it should be. The bills are looming like a cloud of doom over my head every day. Rich and I both work at jobs that don't pay us enough. My medications are very expensive each month even with our insurance which just changed,by the way,and I have no idea what kind of changes that will entail.

On the other hand,we have a good marriage. We love each other and we have a wonderful child. We couldn't ask for a more loving and funny child. We have a nice apartment with a pool,2 cars that run well (knock on wood) and plenty of food to eat. We laugh a lot and we spend as much time together as we possibly can.

Rich and I are husband and wife but most of all,we are friends....best friends...and that makes all the difference in the world. Lillianna finds joy in the simplest things and for that I am very grateful because she helps me to focus on what is really important in our life.....spending time together and showing our love for one another every single day. It's not about where we live or if we can pay the bills on time. It's about finding happiness in our daily life and being grateful for all that we do have. When I look at it like that,I realize how happy we really are.

I'm hungry!!

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Is a food ban in school the best answer?

This post is over at DotMoms.

Stressing about the shower

Kara's shower is only a few weeks away. I can say that here because she never reads my blog so I am safe!
I just worked for 2 1/2 hours on the scrap book I am making for her shower. I have some really cute pictures of Kara and Peter,especially the two pictures of their engagement. I put in her shower invitation and her "save the date" magnet for their wedding. In the back of the book,I will trim the pages so that people can leave a cute message for the couple at the shower.

Now I am totally stressing over next week. I have to make 65 chocolates for favors. It's a beautiful mold. It's an oval silhouette of a bride and groom which I make in white chocolate and the background is in milk chocolate. It's my favorite. One of the bridesmaids is coming next week to help me wrap and ribbon them so I have to be finished. Time is running out.

I also have to go clothes and shoe shopping for a shower outfit. How did I get so far behind??????

A few more options....yippee!!!!

I went to see my nutritionist today. You can read about it on The Lighter Side.

What do you want me to say?

I hate that question....I really do. I hate it even more when it comes from my husband. In my mind,the translation is,"Look,you are concerned about something that I don't really give a shit about and I want this conversation to end NOW! Give me the magic words that you are looking to hear so that I can say them,(even though I won't mean them because remember....I don't actually care about this subject or how you feel about it.)"

Ya......I really hate that question.....I sure do!

My husband the radio star

Rich is going to be on the radio tonight on Bunk Radio His friend,Sal,has a show on from 9pm-11:00pm EST. It's called Munafo Mafia Killer Rock. It's free. You just have to log in.

I don't find Sal to be a DJ kind of guy but Rich is very funny. Maybe I'm wrong about Sal....I guess I'll find out in a couple of hours.

Tune in!!

Tag team exercising

Rich and I have started working out at the gym. You can read about this over at The Lighter Side.

Making exercise work for me

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Bathing suit shopping

Those 3 words will bring a groan from most women. No matter how thin or in shape a woman is,she always hates shopping for a bathing suit. That's just the way it goes.
My bathing suit is 2 years old and 50 pounds ago. I have worn it a couple of times in desperation since I couldn't find a new bathing suit that I liked. The other day, Rich said that my bathing suit didn't look great on me anymore and I knew he was right. It was just too big and I wasn't comfortable in it.

Yesterday,Lillianna and I headed out to Kohl's for a new bathing suit for both of us. She pointed to a 2-piece suit and I nearly choked. "Uhm....no,honey. Mommy doesn't wear anything like that." What was she thinking?

After looking on the racks and finding nothing I liked,I took a look at the 2-piece ones again. The top came all the way to the bottom and the bottom was kind of cute with a tiny little skirt. I hate the ones where the skirt is so damn long,I might as well swim in an evening gown. This skirt was short but it gave me some comfort so I sighed and brought it in the dressing room.

The top was pretty and I checked to see if any private parts were trying to escape. Nope.....it seemed safe. I loved the support it gave me since my old bathing suit is so stretched out,my boobs can touch my knees in that thing. Not a pretty sight. No it isn't! I took a deep breath and got the bottoms off the hanger. I slipped them on and they felt great. I dared to look in the mirror.

I had to smile. It looked great! It really did. Ok,my legs are jiggly and I really have to tone those things but I looked good. This fitted suit was so different from what I had been wearing and I was proud of myself. I've lost 50 1/2 pounds as of this morning and I have been exercising at the gym and swimming in the pool with Lillianna and I can see the difference. I really can.

Lillianna found 2 new bathing suits for herself so she was pleased with her purchase. We came home,changed into our new suits and went to the pool. It was a great day!

Thirty minutes alone with my husband

You can read this post over at The Lighter Side.

A light at the end of the poodle tunnel.

Well,I called my hair salon this morning. I told the receptionist that I wanted to come in today if Karen had some time for me. She has to watch me curl my hair and tell me what is wrong. I want pretty curls.

If I come back as a poodle in my next life,I will still hope for prettier hair! This is not a good look for me.....at all!

I am going in at 11:45am. Cross your fingers.


{Update: My hair looks great!....just like it did last Thursday when Karen colored and curled it. She watched me roll my hair and said I had a great rolling technique.
Before you even suggest it,no,I never had experience rolling anything else. I have always been drug-free,thank you very much.

Anyway,I learned a few new tips and I look forward to trying them tomorrow to see if I can duplicate my hair style. I stopped at CVS for a spray bottle and a huge mirror so that I can see the back of my hair. Maybe this will be the end of the poodle look for me. I sure do hope so!}

I hate today

Everything seems to be wrong today.....everything.

1)My hair is a Brillo pad.......still no luck with the curlers.

2)I sort of balanced the checkbook but I could only pay 2 bills. Everything else will have to wait until I get more money.....when the hell will that be??

3)I have to go food shopping when Lillianna gets out of school.Yippee!

4)I'm exhausted.

5)I still have this damn headache!!!!!!!

6)I am feeling like I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. My throat is starting to close.

I wish my life was less stressful. If I click my heels 3 times do you think I'll have an easier life?? I didn't think so.

Extra! Extra!! Read all about it!

This is shocking.....Earth shattering.....I hope you are sitting down. I have been begging Rich to start his own blog for 2 years now but he has refused. The other day,Chandra asked if the husbands wanted to write for The Lighter Side. Surprisingly,Rich said he did. I nearly fell on the floor.

So here it is......Rich's very first post.

Please leave all comments on The Lighter Side. Thank you!!

Order in English!!

The owner of a cheesesteak restaurant has a sign that says the customers have to order in English. You can see it in Comcast's "The Fan" here.

I think this is a great idea!! What do you think about this??

At war with my perm

So I have had this perm for 13 days. I still don't love it. The curls haven't relaxed as all you well meaning supporters promised me. Nope....still curly as a poodle. My dreams of big bouncy curls is dead.....or is it?

Thursday,Karen colored my hair. I had to wait 10 days after the perm to have it colored and believe me,that was the longest 10 days of my life. Gray is not a pretty color on me. Nope....it sure isn't.

After she colored it and dried it slightly with the blow dryer,we both looked in the mirror. I said,"I still hate it!" Karen sighed,"Me too." She whipped out some bristle rollers and proceeded to roll my hair in them. Lickety split quick and my hair was done. She popped me under the dryer and then sat me back in the chair. As she took the rollers out I think I heard a "BOING!" as each huge curl sprang to life.

Instead of tight,horrible curls,I had big,bouncy, boinging curls....just like I had asked for 10 days before. Karen and I were both overjoyed!!....Giddy even! It was a dream come true. She packed up the curlers in a bag and gave them to me to take home. She told me that I could curl my hair even when it was dry and I could have these beautiful curls. It was easy.

Into every light,a little dark must fall. Is that an actual saying or did I make that up??

Friday morning,I tried the curlers. When I took them out,my hair was ten feet high. I looked like a Minnesota pageant mom. You've seen them.You know what I mean. Lillianna had a horrified look on her face when she said,"I hope you're going to fix that before you come in for computers,Mom!" I had Rich drive her to school while I wet my hair down and let it poodle curl on it's own.That was the best I could do.

I've tried it several more times,each a different way,but it is still a disaster.
I ate dinner around 4:30pm and then tried the rollers again. This time,it curled...not like Karen had it on Thursday,but not so poodley. I pointed to my hair and said to Rich,"This is better,right?" He said,"Closer. You're getting closer."

I guess I'll try again tomorrow!!

{Ok....I have issues.....It's now 6:13pm and I have re-set my hair. Let's see if it curls correctly this time!!}

A change of carnival plans

When we got to the carnival,I was told that my job was changed. I wouldn't be working at the snow cone machine,afterall. I was switched to the inflatable obstacle course. This thing is like a billion feet high and half a billion feet long. It attracts screaming,pushing, sock-footed,crazed children of all ages. I already had a migraine. This didn't sound like it was going to have any healing powers on my pounding head. I was right.

For the first hour,I took the tickets and said,"Ready....Set....GO!" as the kids raced two by two through the obstacle course. Then I switched with the other volunteer mom and I headed to the back of this inflatable monster and watched the kids as they made their departure down the slide. I got to say things like,"No jumping!" "You can't somersault off the top. Just slide,please!" The kids never listen. I got to watch a couple of them almost plunge to their death but hey....who really cares?......the parents just cheer them on.

We picked up pizza on the way home and I ordered the new rustic pizza from Papa Ginos. It was good. I was starving so I ate too much. I fell asleep on the couch right after dinner. When I woke up,I checked my blood sugar. It was very high. That made my head pound a little more. I took my diabetes pills and went to bed.

Now it's just about 10pm and my head is killing me. I have to take some more Tylenol and try to go to sleep. I have to be up at 5am for work and I know the morning comes faster than I would like. Like all Saturdays,tomorrow is 12 hours of work between two jobs. Neither job is thrilling me lately so I'm not looking forward to this at all. Oh well....a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Is it nap time yet?

I could really use a nap right now. I went to school from 8:30am-9:00am for Lillianna's computer class. It was my last one. The kids were crazy today and Linda,the other mom who does this with me,never showed up. That meant instead of us each answering the questions of 4 kids,I answered all 8. I left school with a migraine.

Then I went to the post office and mailed Rich's resume off for a job he really wants.(Keep your fingers crossed!) I also mailed the invitations to my sister's shower. Then.....off to Wal-Mart.
Lillianna has 2 birthday parties to go to tomorrow. One is her best friend,Mollie. The other is her soon to be cousin,Lena. (My sister's future step-daughter.)Presents for everyone.

Then I went food shopping in a daze because I was hungry and dizzy. I called Rich as I left the supermarket so that he would come downstairs and help me with the groceries. I ate lunch and then came on the computer.

I have to get Lillianna from school in 45 minutes then I will be volunteering at the carnival at her school. I'm on the snow cone machine!! I am so tired.......my head is killing me......I want a nap. I guess I'll go wrap presents instead.

My three month check-up

Blogger was down earlier so I posted this over on The Lighter Side.

Going to Nana's house

Lillianna loves going to my mother's house. Here is her newest post.

Alone......all by itself....is that so difficult??

I always thought I knew what the word alone meant....until now.
If someone asks,"Hey,what did you do last night?" If no one else was home with me,I would say,"I was home alone." Alone. That would indicate that no one else was with me. It wouldn't somehow translate into,"I was home alone having a party with ten people." Somehow,having other people there would make me very much un-alone,right?

Along with alone,we have "by itself." This is another expression for alone. "The picture stood on the shelf,by itself." What image does this bring to mind?
A)The picture is on the shelf and there is nothing else on the shelf.
B)The picture is on the shelf with lots of other knick-knacks.

See,I would answer "A." Apparently,I don't understand what these words mean because no one understands me when I use them.

I shop in the same supermarket several times a week. It is a better quality supermarket and believe me,I pay the price for it but it's worth it to me. However,the people who bag my groceries have a different understanding of alone and all by itself.

I have bread issues. I don't like my sandwich bread flattened and squished to the size of a saltine cracker. I don't think that is a lot to ask.Sometimes,I grab the bread and put it in a paper bag and then hold on to it for dear life because I know more stuff will get thrown in with it and I don't want that!!

When the cashier asks me how I want my groceries bagged,I always say,"Everything can go in plastic except this one bread (which I point to so that she will know which one I am referring to). I would like this bread,alone,in a paper bag,all by itself,please."

The cashier always seems to understand. She relates this information to the bag person and this is where the trouble begins. Saturday,I went in to shop and of course I bought a bread. I like fresh bread in the house every other day. Like I said,I have bread issues. When the young man received his bagging instructions from the cashier he nodded and proceeded to bag my groceries. I wasn't paying attention until he yelled,"Did you buy eggs?" I looked up confused. "No,why?" I asked. He said,"I would've put them in here," and he pointed at my bread bag which was stuffed with rolls,popcorn and my precious bread. ALONE!!! ALL BY ITSELF!!!
How did that turn around to mean with eggs,rolls and popcorn? Do I not understand alone?? Is it me....Seriously....Is it?

Today,I had to pick up a couple of things so of course,I bought a fresh bread. When the cashier asked,I gave her my usual instructions. She related them to the bag guy who I have to add is an older gentleman who I really enjoy. He's in his 70's and he is very sweet and kind. I felt confident that this would be ok. He usually does what I ask.

Imagine my shock and horror when I looked in the paper bag and saw rolls and SunChips on top of my bread. When I pulled the bread out from the bottom,(of course it was on the bottom!)the middle was squished to the size of a cracker. That's when I decided to write this post. Clearly,I need help understanding the definition of alone.

Can someone please tell me what alone and all by itself means??? Please!!!........Thank you!

A little support

If you get a chance,please hop on over to The Lighter Side,and say congratulations to Chandra. She lost 2 more pounds.

Losing weight is never easy and writing for The Lighter Side helps us to stay focused and on track. Eating well and exercising is important and yet,sometimes,we just have a bad day.We're human. We know that we didn't gain this weight in one day so we won't lose it in one day either. It's a lifelong commitment to stay healthy and now that we are motivated I know that we will succeed.

If you or someone you know is trying to lose weight,take a look at The Lighter Side. We want to be a good support system for one another so that we don't feel like we are doing this by ourselves.

The dream of the perfect picnic

This dream started when I was 18 years old. Maybe it was too much Luke and Laura on General Hospital or one too many romance books, but I was obsessed with the perfect picnic. Not the kind of picnic where you are eating non stop fried chicken wings and there are no ants fighting you for a yummy piece of pie. Oh no! That was just an average picnic.

I mean the kind of picnic that books,soap operas and commercials lead you to believe exist. I would be in a long flowing sundress with kicky sandals and a glowing tan. I would spread out a red and white checkered tablecloth on the ground under a shady tree. Then,as if there were a drumroll,I would pluck my picnic basket from behind the tree and voila! begin to set up our lunch.

The meal would consist of French bread,Brie,grapes and wine. Looking back,I would've passed out after that meal. Where the hell was the protein? How much Brie could I eat before my blood sugar dropped? Anyway,I don't know where I got that menu but it seemed so very romantic to me. "Who was the picnic with?",you may ask. I never knew......just some guy I was in love with....Whoever that might be.

See,the guy wasn't as important to me as the perfect picnic. The picnic was all about romance and the dream of what could be.

In 1989,I was 26 years old. My friend Karen and her husband Mish,came to visit me from England. (I had lived with Karen in Israel in 1985). At that time,I was dating a guy named Barry. He was nice. I really liked him. When I saw the wicker picnic basket on sale,I knew it was a sign. I bought it without hesitation. When I opened it up,I was surprised that there was anything inside. It had 4 large plastic plates,matching plastic mugs and plastic utensils. My dream was coming true.

That weekend,we packed up our lunch in the picnic basket and headed to New Hampshire for the day. Barry insisted we bring paper plates even though I explained I had my picnic basket which contained everything we needed. Barry gave me a look so I reluctantly threw in some paper plates just to appease him but I knew we weren't going to use them.

The night before,we all discussed what we would bring on our trip. My perfect lunch was vetoed immediately. No one liked Brie and besides,we'd be hungry so we would need to eat sandwiches. French bread was not the ideal bread for deli sandwiches,too hard to handle,so we brought rolls instead. All I could do was sigh and watch my dream slip away.

When it came time to make lunch,Barry insisted that we use the paper plates instead of my beautiful colored matching plates for four. Everyone agreed that there was no need to dirty the plastic plates.

Now,17 years later,Lillianna keeps her doll's clothes in the wicker basket. She uses the four plastic mugs for when she wants to get her own drink. (Regular glasses are too high for her to reach.) The plastic utensils are kept in a bag with disposable plastic forks and spoons....just in case.

As for my perfect picnic...now that I'm married to the perfect guy,it doesn't seem so important anymore. Besides,Rich would never eat Brie and neither one of us drink wine. We'll have to make a new dream....Together.

Lo-mein for dinner? Yum!

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

No more laughing! No more fun!

When we moved into this apartment complex 3 years ago,I was thrilled to have a beautiful pool for the summer. The rules of the pool were annoying and basically,they sucked the fun right out of everything.

Lillianna was just learning to swim properly,back then,so I brought a flutter board to the pool one day. I wanted to teach her to kick before moving her arms. As soon as we entered the pool area,the lifeguard informed me that unless it was a life saving device,we couldn't have the board in the pool. I was not happy.I learned to kick using a flutter board and it made it so much easier.....and fun!

I understand why we can't have rafts or inner tubes because they take up a lot of space and kids bump into people without thinking but we also can't have an inflatable beach ball even when we are the only ones in the pool. There have been days when Lillianna and I are alone in the pool for quite some time before anyone joins us but apparently,we still can't play ball.

Last year,kids were throwing in Barbie dolls or their swim goggles so that they could swim to the bottom of the pool to retrieve them. All the kids like this type of diving. Since I am so clever,I bought Lillianna diving sticks for the pool this year.

Today was our first day at the pool. The boys who were there before we arrived also had diving rings and sticks. As soon as they went to dive for them,the new lifeguard said they couldn't have them in the pool. I was pissed!! What the f--- ?????? You just let the sticks drop to the bottom. There is no throwing involved so what's the big deal?

When we left the pool,I stopped into the office to ask about the diving sticks. We were allowed to have them last year so what's the big deal this year? I was told it was all about liability and some people throw the sticks instead of drop them. It didn't make any difference that I wasn't going to throw them....no is no! then I was informed that other pools have even more strict rules than we do. In some pools,you can't splash.

How the heck do you kick your feet without a little tiny splash?? What's next? Maybe we will be invited to stand around the pool and just look at the water. That would be refreshing. We wouldn't want to make any ripples in the water....that could be so disturbing!

I hate these flashbacks!

Not to make a mountain out of a molehill but I truly believe that I have post traumatic stress disorder since my pancreatitis attack in November. I have very disturbing flashbacks sometimes and it always sets me on edge.

I can be in the shower shaving my legs and I will flash back to sitting in front of the sink in the hospital,trying to wash myself and brush my teeth.I could barely move. With an I.V. in my arm,I wasn't very flexible. My stomach was so painful, I couldn't bend over to the sink to spit out the toothpaste. For the first few days,it took about 45 minutes for this sponge bath. When I was done,I had to take a nap. I was exhausted.

Whenever I get a stomach pain,I immediately flash back to when I was crying for morphine and the nurse wouldn't come because I wasn't due for another shot for 2 more hours. Every pain that I get now,scares me into thinking the pancreatitis has returned. I can't have a regular stomach ache without feeling that sense of panic.

Today it is hot outside. Really and truly hot. I didn't realize how hot until I walked up to school to pick up Lillianna. By the time I reached her,the sweat was dripping down my face and I could barely catch my breath. I noticed a small pain in my stomach and flashed back to the day before I went to the hospital.

I was so thirsty and hot that day and my stomach felt like someone was chewing my insides. I couldn't get cool and I couldn't quench my thirst. As these thoughts were spinning through my head,I tried to focus on just walking home to put on the air conditioner. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do it. Finally,I saw our building and I knew I'd be ok.

I was relieved when I walked through the door. I immediately put both air conditioners on, got a bottle of water and sat on the bed. I feel better now but I have to head outside again. I have errands to run and then I have a mandatory meeting at work. I can't wait to come home and relax.

I wish these flash backs would stop already!

What's cookin' ?

Sixty cupcakes.....that's what! Tomorrow is Ocean Fest at Lillianna's school. The two second grade classes invite their parents to spend the day in school with them and they sing songs,put on a play and guide us through their ocean projects. I heard a rumor that there will be an ocean trivia game pitting the kids against the parents. I'm not sure that I know any facts about the ocean!

The parents were asked to fill out a form and volunteer to bring something for lunch. One of the suggestions was an ocean cake. I crossed that out and wrote that I would make cupcakes with a chocolate sea creature on each one. I have tons of chocolate molds with ocean things on them.

When the woman in charge of the lunch called me last week,she was thrilled to have me make these cupcakes. She said we will need 60: 30 for each lunch.
I made over 60 sea creatures on Monday;starfish,fish,sea horses,sand dollars,conch shells and clam shells. Today I am making funfetti cupcakes with blue frosting (you know,for the ocean!)and a special chocolate ocean pal on the top. This should be fun.

Last night,Rich painted a cutie pie penguin on my t-shirt to wear tomorrow. The teachers have already made t-shirts for each child and I wanted to participate too. I'm that kind of mom!

I always wanted a dog.....

...... but I didn't actually want to become the dog. Let's just say my perm did not go as well as I had hoped today. I look like a poodle which is exactly what I was trying desperately to avoid.

I tried not to cry when I saw what I looked like. Karen felt bad and put a conditioner in my hair to loosen the curls. She said it will look much better in 2 days. I sure hope she's right.

I wonder how many carbs there are in a dog biscuit? Woof!

Wishful thinking

Lillianna was looking through the huge Rubbermaid storage container in my room today,to find her summer clothes. I decided to look through my drawers to see if I could find my denim shorts from many years ago. I did and they fit. They're a bit big but they're fine. I was feeling pretty good. There was a lot of room in the legs. Last year I squeezed into them and there was no room at all in the legs. This was definitely an improvement.

While I was pulling things out of the drawers, I found a black and white dress that looked familiar but I couldn't place it.I checked the label and it say "L." Ok,well a large was probably a size 18 in plus sizes,right? That seemed reasonable.

Feeling lucky,I went into the bathroom and tried it on. It was a bit tricky but I got into it. Sadly the front didn't button.It didn't even come close to buttoning. I sighed and tried to take it off. After a few wiggles,I realized I was stuck. I called for Lillianna and explained the situation. She tried to pull it over my head. No luck. My wishful thinking got me permanently stuck in a dress. This wasn't supposed to happen!

Like an escape artist trying to get out of a straight jacket,I repositioned my shoulders,wiggled and turned with a few quick moves and....VOILA.....I was out. I breathed a sigh of relief. My next option would've been to cut myself out of the dress. I loved that dress. I didn't want to destroy it!

I stood there holding the dress and tried to remember when and where I had bought it. It finally came to me. I had to laugh. I bought it about 13 or 14 years ago,before I met Rich. I remember trying it on in the dressing room and loving it. I paraded around the house in it. It made me feel so cute and sassy.

The store I bought it in was a hip and happening trendy store for young women. Well,I was a young woman back then! The size "L" probably was a size 12!! I'm getting closer but I am nowhere near that size yet. I've got another 50 pounds to go before I can wear that but believe me, I'm going to wear that dress again!! I'll let you know when that happens. There might even be a picture!

A day of firsts

MY FIRST BREAKFAST

Yesterday,we went to New Hampshire to visit Rich's sister and her family. On the way there,we stopped for breakfast. I haven't eaten breakfast out since my diagnosis of Pancreatitis/Diabetes in November. I've had lunch and dinner out but not breakfast. I decided to take control.

I packed a small container of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Light, sugar free strawberry jam and a small carton of fat free cream in a small lunch box with an ice pack.

I ordered an egg white omelet,dry toast and coffee. (Lillianna and Rich ate the home fries.) It was perfect!! I had everything that I wanted and I didn't feel deprived at all. Plus,I didn't have to go off my eating program.

I also brought food for when I got to my sister-in-law's house. I did eat a hamburg for lunch with a teaspoon of macaroni salad, a teaspoon of potato salad and a lot of regular salad. I ate sugar free jello before that since I was starving and lunch wasn't ready yet. For dessert,instead of birthday cake,I ate one of my sugar free oatmeal cookies. (Three cookies is one serving.)

Dinner was a repeat of lunch and I couldn't eat 2 hamburgs in one day. Too much fat for me. I heated up the chicken,broccoli and low carb pasta that I had brought. I had a heaping bowl of salad so that I would stay away from the macaroni salad and potato salad that I had sampled earlier.

At dessert time,I had a cup of coffee with one more sugar free cookie. I was pleased with my day. I had a fun time with my family which was great but the important thing was that I was in complete control of my food.

When we got home at 11:30pm,I checked my blood sugar. It was 134. Pretty darn good! I was very proud of myself!!

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LILLIANNA'S FIRST HAMBURG!

Lillianna is a picky eater like Rich. This year,she has started to eat steak after years of not eating meat other than chicken nuggets.(Who knows if nuggets are really even a food??)

Yesterday,my brother-in-law grilled hot dogs,hot links and hamburgs. I walked over to Lillianna with great hope in my heart and told her the menu. Then I asked,"Would you like to try a hamburg? It's just steak in a patty."

She didn't even hesitate when she said,"Sure." I almost fell over from shock,
I made her a sandwich with some lettuce and she gobbled it all up.
My child at her first hamburg!!!!.......and she liked it!!

This is a news flash in our family. It's the unthinkable. Lillianna is really branching out. We are all so proud of her!! She even had a half of another burger for dinner. Wonders will never cease!

Forever fifty-one

May 21st would've been Dad's 70th birthday. You can read this post over at DotMoms.

Shopping trip update

Well,I did it. I shopped 'til I dropped! Lillianna sat patiently in the dressing room while I tried on clothes,got more,tried on more,got more again and tried those on.It took two hours!!

I bought 2 bras,which thrilled me! I have been buying my bras in Lady Grace for years since no regular store carries the size I need. It's sad.....really it is. Today I felt normal for the first time in a long time just because I could buy my bras off the rack!

I also bought 2 cute shirts.They're the ones that are supposed to be worn wrinkled. Lillianna asked me how I was going to fight the urge to iron them. I'm not sure about that but I think I can do it. They look good wrinkled.

I bought 2 pairs of jeans;one long and one capris....or is it capri? Well,whatever. You know what I mean. I also bought 3 pants that were all the same style. Although I won't say what size they were,I will say that they are a size I haven't worn in 13 years. I think the pants I wore to pick Rich up at the airport in October 1993 were the same size and I haven't been that size since! I'll admit they are a tiny bit snug but the next size up were way too baggy and Lillianna gave me a look as she tugged at the excess material and shook her head. So,I bought the smaller size. I think if I lose 3-5 more pounds they'll be perfect.

So,that was my shopping trip. I feel happy and proud. Lillianna hugged me and her hands got all the way around me. Whenever she hugs me and almost touches her hand she says,"You're getting there." Today,I got there.

While I was heating up dinner in the kitchen she said,"You know,Mom,I'm really proud of you for doing so well and losing the weight." We focus on the fact that I am much healthier now because of the way I eat and exercise and I will never go back to my unhealthy ways. All in all,today was a very tiring but wonderful day.

Shopping trip

Over the past 7 months, I have bought one pair of pants and 3 t-shirts for myself. Right now,those are the only clothes that actually fit me. Luckily, I had clothes in my closet that were a smaller size than I was in November and they still had the tags on them,so they were new to me. I thought I looked ok in them until Kara saw me at Lillianna's recital last weekend. She gave me the once over,laughed,and said,"You have to buy some new clothes. Those are way too big on you!"

Sometimes I don't realize how big a difference losing 49 pounds has made. I often look in the mirror and just see this overweight person who needs to lose another 50+ pounds. The reality is,49 pounds is a lot of weight. Lillianna weighs 52 pounds. When I look at her and realize I basically lost the weight of my 8 year old child,it kind of puts it in perspective.

After school today,we are heading to Wal-Mart so that I can buy a pair of jeans, a couple of pair of pants and maybe a couple of shirts. This is my first shopping trip in a long time and I am nervous and excited.

I'll let you know how it turns out!

Rewarding negative behavior

I never do it! I don't believe in giving Lillianna a "treat" of any kind when she misbehaves. I don't coax her into behaving properly with promises like,"If you stop crying,I'll buy you __________,"(fill in the blank) or, "If you pick up your toys,I'll make you an ice cream sundae." If I ask her to do something then she needs to do it. There is no negotiating.

If she is behaving badly,I usually threaten to take something away: her next Brownie meeting, her next dance lesson,a birthday party or her favorite show.This has never failed in 8 years. The key is that she knows I mean what I say.

I have often said I just don't have the patience to raise a brat. Sadly,some moms have more patience than I do and I think we all suffer for that.

I just got back from the supermarket after picking up a few items. As I walked down the first aisle,I encountered a mom with her 4 year old son who was already wiggling out of the cart. She tried to get him to sit down and as he did,he decided to become an ambulance siren. He made a loud Woowoowoowoowooo which made my head spin. The mom said nothing.

In an effort to quiet her son,she asked a store employee to go to the bakery and get her son some free cookies. The older gentleman walked briskly to the other side of the store. As I approached the middle of the store,I saw him handing the boy 3 cookies. He quieted down.

Nice lesson that boy taught his mom. Give me snacks or I will make enough noise to give you a migraine.

Who do you think is in control in that family??

Being rude!

Last year or the year before,I entered a Rude Contest. I had to submit a story about the rudest thing that had ever happened to me. Sadly, I had more than one. I received an email from the head of this contest saying that she doesn't usually respond to the contestants personally but she loved the stories that I submitted and she wished me luck in the contest. I didn't win. I didn't even think the top winners had funny stories. Oh well. That's life.

I was just going through my folders and found my submission so I figured I would share them here. Why let the rudeness go to waste??

1)When I was 25 I worked for an optical shop. A man in his late sixties came in to pick up his eyeglasses. As I gave the glasses a final adjustment the man glared at my name tag.

"Robin," he said slowly as he glared at me. "So, do you go bob bob bobbin' along?"

I tried to ignore him as I put his glasses in the leather case. Not taking my silence as any kind of hint he continued, "So, Robin, do you have a red breast?" I put his glasses on the counter and walked in the back room.


2)Back in the early 90's, ribbed pants with matching tops were all the fashion rage. I was coaching my sister's high school cheerleading squad at the time and as a gift the girls gave me a matching ribbed outfit. I loved it and everyone said how great I looked in it. One day I wore it to work at the ophthalmology practice where I worked as a technician. I had just finished an eye exam for a gentleman in his 70s when he asked, "So, when are you due?"

Confused by his question I asked, "Due for what?"

He pointed to my stomach."When are you due?"

Finally understanding his question, I was horrified. "I'm not pregnant!" I replied angrily.

"Yes, you are," he said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Knowing 100% that I was not pregnant, I said,"I am definitely not pregnant!" Not giving up and becoming angry, he said,"I am never wrong about these things and you ARE pregnant! Just look at your clothes!"

I looked him straight in the eye and gasped, "My clothes? This is the latest fashion!"

"Hmmmph," he snorted. "Latest fashion? You don't know anything about fashion! That is an ugly outfit and you should never wear it again!" And with that last remark he stomped off.


3)While working in an ophthalmology practice, I called a patient into the exam room to see her doctor. A grumpy woman in her late 70s muttered under her breath as I pointed her towards the exam chair. Before I left the room she barked at me, "Well, what is your name?" she asked as she pointed a wagging finger at me.

I smiled as politely as I could and replied, "Robin."

She began to sputter. "Robin? Robin? What kind of name is Robin? What was your mother reading ,a dime store novel when she named you?"


4)A patient in his 50s came in for a quick follow up visit with the ophthalmologist that I work for. All I had to do was check his vision and find out if his chronic eye problem was improving. As soon as I called his name in the waiting room, I could tell he was going to be a challenge. Every question was answered with a sarcastic tone.

"How is your eye feeling?" I asked.

"You tell me," he grumbled.

"Do you feel like your vision has gotten any better?"

"You tell me," he repeated.

I gave him the occluder to hold on his nose which blocks one eye at a time so that the vision can be checked. He stuck the handle on the top of his head and rolled his eyes at me. After a difficult time checking his vision, I asked him if he had any health changes since his last visit. He said he had been diagnosed with rectal-itis. I had never heard of this before so I asked when he was diagnosed. He said at the last visit with his eye doctor.I really began to doubt him but I finally gave in and asked,
"What is that?" He smirked at me and said, "It's a disease that starts in your eye and it gives you a crappy attitude towards life!"

What's the rudest comment you've encountered?

How did this happen?

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Lillianna's dance recital

Today was Lillianna's dance recital. As usual, I cried through the first dance. She was dressed in white jazz pants with silver glitter,a matching white top which had sort of a sleeve on the left shoulder and a spaghetti strap on the right shoulder and a headband of white poofy feathers. She tap danced to Polar Express.

It was such an upbeat and advanced number and it made me happy that I had switched her into the "older" class this past year. It's always a challenge to actually see her through the blur of my tears but I do my best. Later in the car I asked her,"Do you ever think there will be a time when I won't cry at your recital?" Lillianna answered sarcastically,"I wouldn't count on it!" Ya,she's probably right.

Her ballet dance was beautiful. It's amazing how far these girls have come in five years. Some of the same numbers for the little ones get repeated year after year so when "Wake up, Warm up" was done by the 4 year olds,I looked over to Lillianna and said, "I remember when you did this." Apparently she doesn't remember at all so I will have to show her the scrap book I made of her first recital that has her doing that dance.

Her jazz dance was very jazzy indeed as she danced to "The Witch Doctor." You know,the one that goes, "ooh eeh ooh ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang...." All the girls were right in step,shaking their hips,making jazz squares and smiling all the while. My heart just burst with pride.

The finale was "We're all in this together," from High School Musical. I was kind of sad to see it all end. My mom said,"Thank G-d she can dance!" There seemed to be quite a few kids,many older than Lillianna,who didn't know what they were doing and they looked quite uncomfortable being on stage. Lillianna practices her dance steps any time she has floor space and she simply loves to be on stage!

Well,we have about nine more recitals to go before she graduates high school. I don't want to think about how many tissues I'll go through on that day. I'll just take them one year at a time and savor each recital as it comes.

I'm very proud of you,Lillianna. As usual,you were a super star!

I have seen the enemy and it's name is Pollen!

I have been really lucky this year (knock on wood) because I didn't have the 3 sinus infections/flu that I get every winter. I chalk that up to the Pneumonia shot and Flu shot that the nurse practioner made me get in December. She said that it's worse being sick when you have diabetes so she strongly suggested I get both. I did.

So here we are in May,five months after my shots. I stayed healthy all winter but yesterday at work,I started to feel congested and my throat hurt. This morning I got out of bed at 3:30am due to my post nasal drip which caused excessive choking and coughing.My ears are blocked. My nose is stuffy and my throat is still dripping.I think it is due to the high pollen count. Damn pollen!!

I have been using my prescription nasal spray,Sudafed and sugar free Robitussin cough syrup. That usually gets me back on track. I sure hope it works fast since Lillianna's dance recital is at 12:30pm tomorrow.

Not a good morning

This morning was not my best morning.

#1.....Lillianna "forgot" to read for 20 minutes yesterday which is part of her daily homework and has been since September. If she doesn't bring in a reading slip signed by me with how many minutes she read for,she has to sit at her desk with her head down and lose 5 minutes of recess.

When she realized this,she went crazy. She threw a tantrum and then blamed me and Rich because we didn't "let" her read. Uhm,well...she had 3 1/2 hours to do this while she was at my Mom's house yesterday and another 2 hours once she came home.She reminded Rich at 9pm that she had to read.

Long story short:my morning started out with hysteria! Not the way I wanted to begin my day.

#2......I wanted to walk Lillianna to school today to calm her down and to get my 30 minute walk in before heading to the gym to work on the Nautilus equipment. Her tantrum took longer than I had thought so when we got to school,it was a ghost town. A tumbleweed greeted us at the crosswalk....no crossing guard. Crap! We were late. I brought Lillianna into the office and they gave her a late pass. I walked back home.

#3......I walked up to the gym after breakfast. I remembered how to use the ab cruncher but I wasn't sure about the rest of the stuff. I went downstairs to the office and asked if someone could come up and review the equipment with me. No one can help me until Monday. I walked back home.

I will walk another 30 minutes when I get Lillianna this afternoon but I felt like a loser and that I wasted my time.

#4.....I called my mechanic because my engine light is back on even though they cleared it last week. It will cost over $300 to have it fixed. I have to have it done.

I want to cry or eat something but since I don't binge eat anymore,I have no way to vent my frustration and sadness. Oh,Chinese food,where are you when I need you?

I hope this day gets better!!

Pearls of sweat

I went to the gym today! You can read this post over at The Lighter Side.

The Brownie autograph book

Today was Lillianna's last Brownie troop meeting. The girls make an autograph book on the last day and everyone signs it. Four of the girls are moving on to Girl Scouts next year and Lillianna will be joining a Brownie troop in our own town instead of the one that is two towns away.

I opened her autograph book to see what her friends wrote and on the first page one of the girls wrote:

Lilly,
I will miss you because you have been nice to me and have never been mean to me.

That broke my heart. It makes it sound like people have not been nice to her and if that's true,it is too painful to think about.She is only 9 years old.

I showed this to one of the troop leaders and told her who wrote it and she said,"Yes,she has had a very hard life. She has really been through a lot."
I don't know all the details but this really broke my heart.

Lillianna's quote of the day

I was in the kitchen washing the dishes before dinner when Lillianna came in and hugged me.
"You're the best mom,ever," she said as she squeezed me tightly. Before I could reply she said,"You deserve to have a daughter like me!" I laughed as I kissed the top of her head. She's right!

My mother's day resolution

Every January 1st, I make one New Year's resolution. I try to make it something reasonable because otherwise,I will just set myself up to fail.

This morning I decided to straighten things up a bit so that when we come home tonight,we won't be walking in to a mess. Rich cleaned up this weekend but this morning I threw dishes in the sink that I didn't wash until 1pm. I finally put the laundry away and I cleaned the bathroom.

The New Year's resolution that I made last year that I had trouble keeping was "clean up as I go along." Messy + busy= disaster. I run through this place like a tornado sometimes,rushing from one activity to the other. I throw things and let them fall where they may as I dash out the door again. When I return,it looks like the apartment was burglarized.

After I cleaned today,I looked around and thought,"Hey,that wasn't so bad!" I decided to make a Mother's Day resolution to be a neater and more organized mom. I'm going to do my best to keep this.

What mom resolution would you make this Mother's Day?

My shortest post

I hate two-faced people!! That's all I want to say.

A trip to the gym

Well, I am on my way to the gym in our apartment complex. Someone is going to show me how to use the equipment in just 20 minutes. I have never gone to a gym before because I hate working out. I joined a gym years ago so that I could attend the step aerobics class but that's all I did. This will be "for real."

I took a weight lifting class in college but....well.....I didn't lift anything. Tony was the instructor and he was my roommate Kyra's boyfriend. Kyra and I dressed up in matching sweat suits,make-up and jewelry with our hair perfectly done and we walked like a princess to the gym. We listened to Tony talk for 5 minutes then we told him we were going to the student union for coffee and donuts.

Sometimes,out of guilt,we actually used the equipment for 5 minutes before leaving but many times,Kyra kissed Tony and before he could say no,we were gone. We both got an "A" in that class. It's not fair,I know,but she was sleeping with the teacher,afterall!

Today's trip to the gym isn't for a grade. It's to keep me healthy and to tone the wiggly skin from losing 46 pounds. I am hoping to lose another 30 pounds by my sister Kara's wedding in September. I just hope I can stay on the machines for more than 5 seconds without hating it.



(Update: I did the treadmill,bike and elliptical. I crunched my abs,strengthened my arms,biceps,triceps and something called latts??? I stretched my hamstrings and lifted weights. My legs feel like limp noodles. I can't wait to go back tomorrow!!!!)

When will it get better?

I have been hanging on for years. When I realized we needed more money 3 1/2 years ago I got another job. Between the two of them I work 30 hours a week. I am also a stay-at-home mom if it doesn't matter that I don't really stay at home. I work around Lillianna's school time and I am gone all weekend but I am home every day after school for her.
Rich works 40 hours a week at a job he hates but he hasn't found anything better in the past 3 years.

Today,I was bombarded with bills and I nearly burst into tears. Everyone wants my money and I just don't have it to give,no matter how hard we work. I still have a pending doctor's bill from when I was sick in Florida in November. I am being billed by one of my jobs for an exam that I had there even though every other exam in the past 16 years has been free. Now they say my insurance won't pay and I need to pay it. So much for that perk! It's the last one they offered and now that's gone! Lillianna's pediatrician just sent me a bill from March for the balance of a strep test.The bills just go on and on.

It's very depressing and Rich always promises that it's going to get better. I always believe him and then things stay the same or get worse.I need to know when will it get better?

How do you deal with being overwhelmed by bills?

(Hula,if you read this...please don't tell me to do the bills naked....too many paper cuts!)

Thank goodness for music

Today is a beautiful day. They say it could be in the 80's. All our windows are open and I guess I'm ready to start getting my chores done. After I feed the goats and milk the cows.....oh...never mind....it just looks like barnyard animals live here!

Actually,I have to stir fry my veggies and make chicken cutlets with lemon sauce for my weekend meals. Then I have to clean this messy place up before I leave at 2:15pm to walk up to school to get Lillianna.

After that,she has her formal recital pictures scheduled at 4pm. I will have to re-do what's left of her curls,get her in her costume and do her make-up before we head off to the dance studio.

I have my favorite country CD playing in our DVD player and now I will cook and clean to music. Wish me luck......I hate to clean!!

Curlers in your hair......shame on you!

Is there anyone old enough to remember that commercial? I'm not even sure what they were advertising....maybe it was Lilt home perm? Anyway,for Lillianna's first dance recital,five years ago,I curled her hair. I did the same thing for her 2nd recital. The past two years she has put her foot down and said she wanted it straight. I held off on the curlers because I am a mom who listens to her child...until this year.

Lillianna will have her formal recital portrait taken at dancing school tomorrow.She is now sitting on my bed in her baby doll pajamas,munching on a chocolate rice cake, and all I can see are the big pink curlers in her hair. She looks adorable!

Tonight will be a lumpy sleep for her but I guess that's the price of beauty,right?

The challenge of homework

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am an intelligent human being when it comes to figuring out Lillianna's homework. Today's post about homework is over at DotMoms.

Are you kidding me with this??

This post is over at The Lighter Side.
If you have seen this commercial,please tell me what the beginning is! Thanks.

I'm not in the circus so why am I required to juggle?

I looked at the calendar today and it stressed me out. May is going to be a very busy month for us. I work Thursday and Saturday mornings as an ophthalmic technician and if I have to take off one of those days,I try to make it up on another day so that I don't lose the money. I don't love this job but the money is good and I've worked here for 16 years.

Next week,I am chaperoning Lillianna's field trip so I took Thursday off and then I had to take Saturday morning off too for her dancing school dress rehearsal. I also volunteer in her class that Friday morning for computer class. When I looked at the calendar,I couldn't make sense of it.

The only day to make up Thursday and Saturday would be Friday and I would have to work 8 hours instead of 4. That means not volunteering Friday and checking with the mom who shares this day with me and make sure she is going to be in school for the kids that day. Then I will have to ask my mom to pick Lillianna up from school and bring her to her house until I get there at 5:15pm.

The whole month looks like that. I have to keep juggling days in order to do what I need to do for Lillianna and still keep my hours the same at work. We can't afford any loss in pay. I asked Rich if he could pick up some extra overtime at work so hopefully that will take the burden and stress off of me during this time.

How do you handle a busy schedule?