Sunday, July 09, 2006

When friendships change

Over the years,I have had friendships that have changed and one that has stayed the same. Liane and I have been friends since 7th grade. (That's 35 years for anyone who is counting.) Even though our lives have changed,our friendship has become stronger and deeper over the years. We were 12 year old girls when we met and now we are married with children.

Liane has lived out of the country for the past 6 years but we have kept in touch through emails and phone calls and her yearly visit to the U.S. We have always shared a special bond that will never be broken....again.

There was a time,many years ago,when we didn't talk for a few years due to a misunderstanding.We were our twenties.I guess that translates into "We were stupid," or something like that.The day we got back together,we stayed up talking until 3am and we caught up on everything. It was just as if we had always been together without those years of separation. We realized that the separation was necessary because we both grew in ways that together,we may not have and we have tried not to dwell on those missed years. The present is more important....and the future. I am looking forward to her return to the states for two years which will begin in just a couple of weeks. Yahoo! Even though she will be a few states away,at least our phone calls will be in the same time zone!

With some relationships,you grow and change together. In others,no matter how hard you think you are trying,sometimes the growth and changes are not always what you were hoping for.

Kristy and I have been friends for 16 years. We met at work back in August 1990 and we just clicked. She was newly married to her 3rd husband when we met and I was single. Luckily,I got along great with Jerry. He was like the older brother I always wanted. Kristy's sons were 11 and 12 when we met and I loved them immediately.

Over the years,I got married and then 3 years later,Lillianna was born. I actually met Rich in Kristy's kitchen! Is that fate or what?

Things have really been pretty good all these years up until a couple of years ago and especially this past year. We have tried so hard to keep in touch even though I work weird hours and I am busy with Lillianna and Kristy owns her own shop which is in the barn next to her house so she is working a lot too.

We still went strawberry picking with Lillianna as we do every year. Kristy made sure that we set a date for that because she enjoys teaching Lillianna how to pick the best strawberries. Believe me,she is a great teacher. I guess my problem is that both Rich and I have the feeling that we're no longer included in Kristy and Jerry's life.

There are so many times that we go by their house on our way home(it's on the main road) and there are tons of cars there and we weren't invited. Sometimes it's a coven thing. (They are Wiccan and we don't belong to their coven-or any coven- so if it's a religious ritual,we wouldn't expect to be invited and that's ok.)There are other times when Rich hears after the fact from his friend Gary,that there was some sort of get together and we never know why we weren't invited.

In the past,when I have casually asked Kristy about this,she has either said that she knew I'd be working since I work all weekend or that she knows it's hard for us to find a babysitter for Lillianna so she didn't bother telling us.Even so,it's nice to be asked.

Recently,we found out that "the gang" was going out for dinner to celebrate Gary's birthday. Of course,we weren't included. In some ways it bothers me and in other ways I'm bothered by the fact that I guess it doesn't really matter. We're just not in the group anymore.

Kristy and I will still be friends,of course, but I am kind of mourning the death of what our friendship used to be. Sometimes,you just can't go back.

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