Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Acceptance sucks!

Knowing that I have no control over many of the things that are happening in my life,I decided to accept my life as it is right now. This revelation came after hours of crying last night and going through half a box of tissues.

When I was single,I approached things differently. My decisions only pertained to me. I didn't have a husband or child to factor in to the equation so if I changed jobs or moved out of the country,it was okay. Obviously marriage and motherhood changed that way of thinking.

Since I am unhappy with my work schedule and I actually despise one of my jobs,I will just sit and wait for Rich's next move. I can't change anything until he gets a new job with health and dental benefits. After that happens,I will have some serious decisions to make about what job I actually want to do.

I have worked with people in some capacity since I was 15 years old.(That's 29 years for the mathematically challenged.) I'm burnt out. I don't think I want to deal with people anymore. What job doesn't deal with people? I'm not really a pet person either although I do love my furry nephew Cody. He's family so he doesn't count. Actually,I'm not sure if he knows he's a dog.

So,after my crying fit and hysteria,I'm resigned to the fact that I can't make a move until Rich gets a new job. In a way,the pressure is off of me to fix everything because I just can't. Rich says I make him feel like he is never doing enough and I don't want to make him feel that way anymore so I will keep my mouth zipped and just be as supportive as I can be. Maybe that will set our life in a better direction. It's worth a try.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Why did I think things couldn't get worse?

I just found out today that "A" may be moving away next month and I won't be taking care of her anymore. She is a total joy and makes some of my bad days seem better. She brings happiness to all of us. Rich and Lillianna love her too. I thought we had her until August or September when she would go home to her parents but her grandmother told me today that they may be moving out of state and not renewing their apartment lease in March.

I was devastated. Things are sucking so badly for our family right now and the depression and stress is just about eating us alive. I honestly can't take one more loss or disappointment. I can't cope with all of this. I know it may seem petty but it's just one thing after another.

When I think we are at rock bottom,we get buried even deeper. I don't believe that
G-d only gives us what we can handle because I couldn't handle it when Rich lost working on Tuesdays. That pay cut was too much when we were already struggling financially. Then he got laid off. Tomorrow is our last day with health insurance.

Did I mention my right eye twitches and my right leg bounces on it's own now? I'm freaking out here!!! If I go insane I can't even see a insurance!!!!

Possibly losing "A" in the next few weeks is the last straw. We are good people. We deserve good things. When are they going to start happening?

Monday, February 26, 2007

Just four words on a sign

There is a fairly new market type store on the main road which I pass every day. I've never been inside but it seems like it carries the same type of things that a Cumberland Farms would carry.
The thing that intrigues me is the sign outside. Every now and then it changes but it only has four words on it to tell what is has inside.
I believe the sign now reads:


The meats always make me wonder if they mean like meats from a butcher or deli meats.
The parking is tricky due to it's location but I should stop in some day just to see it.

This got me thinking. If I had a store like that and I could only put four words on the sign,what would they be? I would want to make it funny and interesting to pique everyone's curiosity so that they would stop in. I've come up with my four words....they are....


Can't you just see the drivers doing a double-take? "Puppets? Why does that store carry puppets?" Jellybeans would make me stop the car,that's for sure. Of course I would carry regular and sugar-free.

So,if you had to use only four words to describe your interesting market type store,what would they be?

Friday, February 23, 2007

How was my day? Thanks for asking.

I woke up at 6am this morning and jumped in the shower remembering to shave my armpits. It was mammogram day. I made this appointment last month before knowing that in 5 days I will be uninsured. I was definitely not canceling this appointment for any reason.

By 6:30am I was starving and feeling light headed but since I was trying to sneak my blood work in at 8am before my 8:30am mammogram,I couldn't eat or drink. I have blood taken every 3 months to check my sugar and cholesterol. Who knows when I'll be able to have that done again?

I got to the office at 7:53am and there was already a line outside the office waiting for the lab door to open at 8am. At least I was 4th in line. I would definitely make it next door in time for the mammogram.

Around 8:15am,I was called in. The phlebotomist was one I have had before and she was nice. She asked which arm I prefered and I said the right one. I know this from years of experience that both arms have difficult veins but the right arm is the better one.

When I closed my eyes for the needle she asked if I was okay and I said,"Oh ya...I just don't like to look,plus,my veins are small so if you have to do it more than once I need to think of something else." She said,"You're veins aren't small. They're huge."

I was hungry,dizzy and tired and not in the mood for a debate on the size of my veins but I hate to be contradicted when a zillion medical professionals have all declared that I have small veins. In the hospital in Florida,each phlebotomist came in to draw blood saying,"I heard you are a tough stick." One of them prayed on my arm every morning before drawing blood because no one could find a vein.

Twelve years ago when I had foot surgery, five nurses tried and failed to start my I.V. They finally paged my surgeon and called him out of the O.R. to start my I.V. In the end,the head nurse was able to do it. My surgeon couldn't believe how much trouble my veins caused.

I have passed out in the doctor's office several times over the years because I have to be stuck in multiple locations before a vein is found. I HAVE SMALL VEINS!!!!!!
I'm not proud of it but it's just a fact.
I smiled politely,thanked the nurse and went next door for the mammogram.

This technician was nice and we chatted about our daughters as my breasts were manipulated,positioned and squished as flat as a pancake. Breasts are quite resilient and fascinating things. She asked if I was okay or if she was hurting me. I said,"These things are so huge I can't even feel a thing."

It's kind of sad to think back to my early 20's when I asked my mom to come with me to pick out a push-up bra because I really wanted cleavage. Damn! Now my cleavage is like the Bermuda Triangle without any help from a push-up bra. If a ship sailed in there it would be lost forever.

Well,now it's around 11am and I'm waiting for my manager to call me back. He called while I was out and told Lillianna to have me call him because it was urgent. Gosh,I hope it's not about the note I left him last week saying that if we didn't have enough help this weekend,I couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't turn around and walk out the door. With all that's going on in my life,I feel like one more bad or irritating thing is going to push me over the edge.

So,that's my day so far.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What I learned from watching COPS

I find Cops to be amusing and informative.
I am sure many of you have seen this show a time or two but I wanted to share what I have learned over the years. These are very helpful tips and if I can help just one person out there,it will all have been worth it.

#1: If you are planning on stealing a car,put on some clothes before you leave the house just in case a cop pulls you over. Many people on COPS try to steal cars in the buff and then they are perplexed when the cop is suspicious. Generally speaking,a naked driver is an arrested driver. Just a little FYI for ya.

#2: Speaking of being naked....if a cop does pull you over and you are not wearing any clothes,don't stuff your drugs in any personal body openings. Cops love a good cavity search.

#3: It may have worked with your parents when you were in high school and had a pack of cigarettes but telling a police officer that you are holding that crack pipe "for a friend" is not going to fly when you're 35 and you're clearly high and can barely remember your own name.

#4: If a cop pulls you over and finds that you are with a young woman,don't try to play it off like she's a friend of yours. Tell the truth and admit she's some "ho" that you paid $10 for oral sex. Lies never work when two cops quiz you and the girl separately.

cop: How do you know that woman?
you: I've known her for years. She's friends with my sister.
cop: What's her name?
you: (extremely long pause).....Name?..... Her name?.... Uhm.....I dunno.

other cop: How do you know the driver?
hooker: Oh....the driver?....Uhm....He's my boyfriend.
other cop: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
hooker: His name?.........Well.....I just met him today.
other cop: You just met him today and he's your boyfriend?
hooker: (dead silence)
other cop: Did he pay you for your services?
hooker: Oh sh**.......I have 5 kids at home. I can't go to jail again!!

Just so ya know.....the truth always comes out one way or another.

#5: If you find yourself being chased by a cop and you are on foot..... STOP RUNNING!!!! What is the matter with you? Haven't you ever seen this show? Do you have the thought capacity of an acorn? They are going to catch you. They have cars and helicopters. You only have your own two feet and you are wearing flip flops. How far do you think you can get before you are thrown on the ground and cuffed? Save yourself the bruising and just stand as still as a statue and let them ask you their questions. They will respect you more if you don't act like you are guilty and running from them. If your brain isn't completely fried from drug use,you might have half a chance.

I hope these tips prove to be helpful. Please let me know if I've saved a life.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse

I've been trying to keep a positive outlook on things but it's been tough. Rich's employer decided that he would close on Tuesdays due to lack of business starting the last week of January. Rich lost one day's pay a week which really hurt us. Even though he has 2 weeks vacation time coming to him,they wouldn't let him take Tuesday as a vacation day. That's a pay loss of over $400 per month. We weren't even making ends meet before this. How were we supposed to make it work now?

Last Friday,Rich was laid off. As of the end of this month which is in EIGHT DAYS,we lose our health benefits. I am on 5 medications. I also need my lancets and test strips to check my blood every day. I need health insurance!

I called my work today to see if I could be covered through there. For family health insurance I would have to pay $809 per month. I don't even make that much money per month so I can't get it through there. I burst into tears and called Rich on his cell phone.

He said he knew I had been crying and told me not to worry. He would look into getting benefits through unemployment. COBRA would cost us $1,200 per month. That's impossible if my husband is unemployed! Where do they think the money is going to come from....the sky?

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but it's really difficult to do. I haven't paid a bill in one month because I am saving the money to pay our rent. I'm sure I'll be getting a ton of calls from credit card companies and everyone else who is looking to get paid. On the bright side,if my phone is disconnected then they won't be able to reach me.

I just keep remembering,"This too shall pass." I hope it passes quickly.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Never underestimate the power of an ice cube

It's no secret that I am a huge fan of ice cubes. I have never been so grateful to have a bag of ice in my freezer as I was this morning.

"A" has been teething for two weeks now and it's been getting worse. On Tuesday,she was screaming when she was dropped off and I ended up calling her grandmother to see if I could give her some Tylenol. That seemed to calm her down for the rest of the day and I was glad. I hate to see anyone in pain but especially a baby because they can't say what's wrong.

This morning,"A" was in a screaming frenzy when she was dropped off and her grandfather said she had been ok earlier but then suddenly began to scream. She hadn't slept well or eaten that much.He handed me her bottle of Tylenol and I took my hysterical little pal upstairs and removed her coat. The tears were streaming down her red face.

I offered her a bottle because sometimes she eats when she comes to me but she simply pushed it away. I tried a cold wash cloth for her to suck on but she kept twisting and turning because she couldn't find a spot to be comfortable in. (Think: childbirth!!)

I carried her into the kitchen and grabbed an ice cube out of the freezer. I sat on the couch cuddling her while I rubbed the ice cube on her gums. She immediately relaxed and breathed a sigh of relief. Her sleepy eyes began to close as she licked the ice and fell asleep. It was like magic!

Her grandmother was supposed to buy Orajel the other day but forgot it as she bought me diapers,baby food,cereal and snacks. Sometimes Lillianna choked on Orajel so I didn't mind that it had been forgotten.

Thank goodness for the almighty ice cube!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

If it's not Frank Sinatra then Mom is clueless

When I was in high school,Mom and Dad went to Las Vegas on vacation. When they came home,Mom told me all the fun things they had done. "One night,we went into this free show but Daddy and I left because we had never heard of the band. Have you ever heard of Kool and The Gang?

I nearly fell off my chair. I looked at her in horror and gasped,"You walked out on Kool and The Gang? Are you kidding me? Why?....why?......How could you do that?"

She looked puzzled and asked,"You've heard of them?" I think I walked out of the room shaking my head in disbelief. She had free tickets to see them and she walked out.

Today when I spoke to her she and her friend Barbara were going to spend two nights in a nearby casino. The men were joining them tonight to see Frank Sinatra Jr. After the show the guys will return home and the girls will have one more night of gambling.

Mom said,"I got free tickets to a show tomorrow night so I gave them to Risa." Risa's my cousin who lives in Florida and she's only about 20 minutes away from my mother. I thought that was nice of her and I asked who she was going to see. Mom asked,"Huey Lewis and something."

"Do you mean Huey Lewis and The News,Mother?" I said in my sarcastic tone. She knew she was in trouble because I always call her Mommy. Mother is used when I jokingly scold her for something.

Mom answered,"Oh,you've heard of them?"

Ya gotta love Mom. I told her to enjoy Frankie Jr and to have a Happy Valentine's Day. That woman just cracks me up!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Now that's just disgusting!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I don't follow the lives of celebrities. I don't know who they are dating,married to,having an affair with or who they had a child with. If I knew them I might care but they are strangers to me.

That being said,I just read the most disgusting thing about Anna Nicole Smith. There was a forum asking who fathered her baby and there were a lot of people who said they think her deceased son,Danny is the father of her baby.

I'll admit she was messed up but I doubt her son fathered her daughter. That is even far fetched for Anna Nicole Smith.

Don't you think so?

Friday, February 09, 2007

It's my birthday!!

Well,I don't know what 44 is supposed to look like so I guess I look okay for 44.
Wow.....44. It just seems like such an old number to me. My mother was 44 when I was a senior in high school. She seemed so young to me. Lillianna is only in 3rd grade. Does that make me old?

I know you're only as young as you feel so I am going to declare that 44 is still very young. Since it's my birthday,I can say anything I want and believe anything I want.

I'm going to clean the house for a bit this morning and then bake my cake: white cake,strawberries and Cool Whip. It's a bit of a stretch with the sugar and carbs in the cake but I'll have a small piece and hope everyone else eats the rest.

I hope everyone has a great day!

(update: So far this morning,Lillianna and Rich wished me a happy birthday. Lillianna declared that today her Sherbert Bunny Webkinz that I bought her yesterday belongs to me for 24 hours. I love that bunny.

Kristy and Jerry called from work at 7:30am. They are going to come by tonight for cake. That was a nice surprise.

At 8:30am Kara called. She sang happy birthday to me with Lena and Bella. That was so cute. Cody wouldn't sing. They all yelled,"Speak! Speak!" to try to get him to bark for me but he was silent. Lena said,"He's not in a talking mood."

My friend Mary emailed me to say happy birthday. Even though she lives 15 minutes away,we rarely see each other so we are trying to plan a time to get together.

Rich called on his way to work to tell me he heard the pajama gram commercial and it does not sound like vagina gram. He was listening to a different station when he heard it and my point was that the guy on WRKO who did it had a New York accent and it did too sound like vagina gram. He just laughed.

Mom called after 9am. She thought 44 sounded old. I said,"Hey,you're almost 70. 44 is not that bad." She had to agree.

My cousin Becky called a little before 10am from California. She sang to me too. I said she owes me 19 more happy birthday songs since we hadn't been in touch for 20 years. She said she'll just randomly call me to sing to me. I thought that sounded great!

Liane called from Virginia at 10am to wish me a happy day. We had a great talk as always. We've been best friends since junior high school.

Now it's 10:30am and I am going to hop in the shower before Liane's package arrives sometime before 3:00pm! I hope I don't miss it!)

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Same sound,different word

Lillianna and I were on our way to dancing school today and I was trying to tell her something funny about my sister,Kara. Growing up,Kara was not the most emotional person on the planet. As a young child she was more snuggly than she was in her later years but I guess that's to be expected.

Lillianna only knows Kara as the loving and wonderful auntie she has always been so to explain my story I tried to give her a good description of what she was like in her teen years. I said,"She was kind of standoffish......aloof."
I thought for a second then I asked,"Do you know what aloof is?"

Lillianna replied,"I know what a loofah is."

I burst out laughing.

What kind of gift is that?

I was driving home from work at midnight last night and listening to Michael Savage on talk radio. Even though I know nothing about politics,I happen to love his show and find him funny and fascinating.

Anyway,somewhere around 12:20am,he did a commercial for a Valentine's gift. He has a bit of an accent. I believe he is originally from New York. So the ad sounded like this to me:

If you want to get the perfect Valentine's gift for the woman in your life,get her a vagina-gram.

I was stunned. My mouth dropped open. Did he say vagina-gram? What the hell could that possibly be and how could he say that on the radio? Sure,it's after midnight here but he broadcasts from California and it's early there.

I continued to listen to the ad.

She may not tell you that that is what she wants but no woman can resist it. Every woman loves pjs so get her that pajama-gram.

Ohhhhhh......PAJAMA-gram.That's very different. Never mind.