Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Acceptance sucks!

Knowing that I have no control over many of the things that are happening in my life,I decided to accept my life as it is right now. This revelation came after hours of crying last night and going through half a box of tissues.

When I was single,I approached things differently. My decisions only pertained to me. I didn't have a husband or child to factor in to the equation so if I changed jobs or moved out of the country,it was okay. Obviously marriage and motherhood changed that way of thinking.

Since I am unhappy with my work schedule and I actually despise one of my jobs,I will just sit and wait for Rich's next move. I can't change anything until he gets a new job with health and dental benefits. After that happens,I will have some serious decisions to make about what job I actually want to do.

I have worked with people in some capacity since I was 15 years old.(That's 29 years for the mathematically challenged.) I'm burnt out. I don't think I want to deal with people anymore. What job doesn't deal with people? I'm not really a pet person either although I do love my furry nephew Cody. He's family so he doesn't count. Actually,I'm not sure if he knows he's a dog.

So,after my crying fit and hysteria,I'm resigned to the fact that I can't make a move until Rich gets a new job. In a way,the pressure is off of me to fix everything because I just can't. Rich says I make him feel like he is never doing enough and I don't want to make him feel that way anymore so I will keep my mouth zipped and just be as supportive as I can be. Maybe that will set our life in a better direction. It's worth a try.

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