Sunday, February 17, 2008

I've really gotta get back on track

After I came home from the hospital 2 1/2 years ago I was terrified of food. Eating the wrong food and having a lifestyle that didn't include exercise,combined with a lot of stress is what sent me down the road to almost dying from pancreatitis.

At first,every food terrified me. I had to keep the fat,carbs and sugars very low or I'd be back on death row. After losing 50 pounds and occasionally "cheating" I realized I was still alive even if I ate a "bad" food. So I got brave and kind of strayed over the past 1 1/2 years.

Two weeks ago when I went to meet my new pcp, Dr.F,she had me take a urine test which tested my kidney function. I got a phone call at the beginning of the week saying the results were abnormal and I had to be seen within 2 weeks. I saw her this past Friday.

She told me that I have protein in my urine which is caused by my high blood sugar. I also have anemia. She increased my bp med from 10mg to 20mg and said I have to exercise 30 mins a day to bring my numbers back to normal.

Today I am going to buy a new pair of sneakers and start my walking this afternoon. Thinking I'm invincible nearly killed me once. I got a second chance. I need to be more grateful for that and take it seriously this time.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Eye people are not so observant

I have worked as an ophthalmic technician for 17 years. I like to think that I am pretty observant. My friend Gaye always appreciates when I tell her she has lipstick on her teeth. She says I am the only one who ever tells her. I like to think we are all looking out for one another.

Today I wore my beautiful new necklace and matching earrings that my best friend Liane made me for my birthday. I wore it yesterday and wanted to wear it again today.
Many people commented on how lovely this jewelry was. I glowed.

I worked until 12pm and then drove to Lillianna's school to see her President's Day play that her class was putting on for the parents at 1:00pm. I signed into the visitors book in the office and headed down to "the pit" where the play would be held. I greeted several people and then sat next to Jamie who immediately asked,"Why are you wearing two different earrings?"

I was confused. I knew I had put in my purple sea glass earrings. I touched my right ear...yup....purple sea glass. I touched my left ear and laughed! I had put in my extremely long silver earrings with long blue stones that Liane bought me in India.
They were two very different earrings. I was stunned.

In a large practice of eye people not one of them said a damn thing to me. Maybe we all need a good eye exam.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

The blizzard of '78.....30 years ago today

The blizzard of '78 is the most famous blizzard in Massachusetts in my life time.
It started on February 5th and went straight through my 15th birthday!

No one was allowed to drive unless it was someone from the police or fire dept and members of the clergy. I think that was it. No other vehicles were allowed on the roads. Kara was 4 years old at the time and we have a picture of her standing in front of a snow drift that was probably 10 feet high or more.

Since Dad worked in a bakery he always brought home my birthday cake every year. In 1978 he was confined to the house so no birthday cake from the bakery. Mom kept apologizing to me for not having any presents for me because she thought she had a few days before my birthday. When the blizzard hit us harder than we expected,we couldn't go anywhere except whatever was in walking distance.

I didn't care about the presents since I knew I'd get them eventually but I did care about my birthday cake. What's a birthday without cake? I hate to say that at 15 I had never baked a darn thing in my life but I told Mom that I was going to bake my own cake.

My neighbor Esther and her daughter Andrea were planning to walk up to the center of town for some groceries so I said I'd go with them to get my cake mix and frosting.....and candles! This walk which generally took 10 minutes on a regular day took one hour each way with us pulling a sled through the snow to carry our groceries.

The gusty wind which blew the snow in our faces really slowed us down but we perservered.We had layers of snow on our eyelashes - the only things peeking out of our face which was covered with a huge scarf. You have no idea how determined I was to bake this damn cake! It was my birthday and even though everything in this state was shut down and canceled,my birthday would go on!

I baked my very first layer cake on February 9th 1978 and it was pretty darn tootin' yummy if I do say so myself. For some reason I made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and I don't really like chocolate cake. I suppose just having the cake,any cake,was enough to make me happy.

So in addition to celebrating my birthday each year I also celebrate the first time I ever baked a layer cake. Today is the 30 year anniversary!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my 45th birthday. I remember when I thought 30 was old!! I'm more than middle aged since I doubt I'll live to be 90. I don't believe diabetics have that long of a life expectancy.

This morning we went out to a 50's restaurant down the street for breakfast. I splurged and had marinated steak tips,scrambled eggs and a big chunk of their toasted banana nut bread. Probably not the healthiest choice but it was delicious.

My birthday cake is baking in the oven as we speak. I always make my favorite strawberry whipped cream cake. I never want anyone to make me a cake. I like my own best of all. I'm also baking brownies.

This afternoon around 3:00pm Lillianna and I will have manicures before heading to Kara's house. My last manicure was September 18,2006,the day before Kara's wedding! Lillianna had a manicure and pedicure last Saturday for her friend's birthday! Am I doing something wrong here? My daughter's nails are better taken care of than mine.

Peter,my brother in law, is making me a special dinner tonight.....chicken piccata! Yum!
Rich will meet us there after work but I'll have to order a pizza for him. He would never eat this chicken....too flavorful.

I'm trying to focus on all the things that I do have in my life as opposed to where I thought I'd be at 45 and how I feel like I've failed but it isn't easy. Kara tried to put a positive spin on everything but it didn't work. I keep crying and I wish that would stop already.

I don't mind being 45 I just wish some things were different.

Oh well.....maybe next year.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

What a waste of a stamp!

The New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl last Sunday and it was out of my thoughts the minute the game was over. Bummer that they lost but it didn't change my life one way or the other. I don't hate the New York Giants....I don't even know them. I do like the Pats but honestly,do you think I can name 3 players on the team from memory? Nope but I still like them when they're on t.v. I really do.

Rich is a huge Pats fan but he feels the same way I do....too bad they lost but the loss is not life altering for us. Rich is not a loud fan. He's not in anyone's face threating to kick their ass. He's a quiet fan. Oh sure he yells at the t.v. at home but he's not rude and abusive to fans of the opposing team if she should encounter them in his daily life.

He would never go up to a stranger with an opponent's team name on his cap and say,"You suck!!!" He doesn't know if they suck. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't but he can't make that assessment based on their hat choices.

So,imagine my surprise when an envelope arrived from Rich's old job. We're expecting a 401K check any day now from last year. The handwriting was familiar(it was the guy who does payroll) so I was excited to open it up. There was a picture of a NY Giants player enclosed with a typed note that said NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.

Uhm....ya...we know....we saw the game 4 days ago. We've already moved on.
The only thing I hate more than a sore loser is a nasty winner.
I can't believe he wasted a stamp on that.
I think he sucks....I really do and that's based on my actually knowing him!

I knew she was sick!

I took Lillianna to her pediatrician yesterday because I knew she was sick.
The nurse did a strep test and then Dr.F came in,took one look down Lil's throat and turned to me,"Did you see this?" she asked as she looked at me with a stunned expression.

I told her I hadn't looked. She waved me over and flashed the light down Lillianna's throat. It was the brightest red I had ever seen. Yikes! Dr.F said she'd be right back because she wanted the results of the 5 minute strep test.

She came back in a few seconds later nodding her head and said,"Oh's strep!" Lillianna is on Keflex for 10 days and she can return to school tomorrow.
She is resting today and then at 3:00pm we have to head out for a girl scout trip to get her cooking badge. Dr.F said she'd be fine to do that today.

Whenever Lillianna is very busy like 2 back to back sleep overs,she gets run down and then within 2 days she is sick with something. I'll just have to make sure that she still gets enough sleep even when she is a social butterfly.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

I'm still somebody's little girl

Mom sent me a birthday card yesterday and it made me cry. It was really sweet and mushy. After I cried my heart out and dripped tears all over the place I thought that even at 45,I'm still really happy to be someone's little girl.
It was just a nice feeling.

My new doctor

I had my appointment with Dr.F today. She was actually very nice.
She spent almost an hour with me asking all kinds of questions: Have I had a recent eye exam? Do I go to the dentist regularly? Do I check my feet every day? Have I had a recent pneumonia or flu shot? When was my last mammogram?

The list was endless.She was very thorough.When she realized I hadn't had an EKG for 2 years she sent the nurse in to do that immediately. When that was done she had me come into her office and she explained all my lab results to me from December. I had gotten a call back then and I was told everything was details. Dr.F gave me all the details. My blood sugar has to come down from 6.8 to 5.8. My bad cholesterol is fine but my good cholesterol which protects my heart is too low and I have to get that number up with exercise.

In the end,I really liked her. That sure is good news for me.

I should've listened to my instincts!

Lillianna had back to back sleep overs this weekend and she got very little sleep. Big shock! By the time she returned home on Sunday,she looked exhausted and had pink circles under her lids. The pink circles always tell me that she needs to rest. I didn't have to ask her twice to take a nap with me that afternoon. We both slept for 2 hours.

I knew she didn't have school today,Tuesday,due to a teacher's professional day so I figured she'd rest today too and bounce back from her weekend exhaustion. Last night her friend Sarah's mom,Lisa,called and asked if Lillianna could spend the day at their house today. I said she could stay for a little while but then I wanted her home to rest. Last night Lillianna complained of a sore throat so I definitely didn't want her out all day.

In the end,Lillianna was there from 8:30am-4:30pm. She swore she felt fine all day and she was having fun so I figured I'd stop being so overprotective and just let her be a kid. When I picked her up she looked half dead. When we got in the car she said she wanted to go to bed. Why did I let her talk me into letting her be out all day?????

She got into the shower as soon as we got home,had 2 bowls of soup and went into bed at 7:00pm. She is watching t.v. all wrapped up in blankets. I'm sure she'll be asleep soon. I have a bad feeling that we'll be home sick tomorrow and I'm supposed to work 8 hours. The week of school vacation in 2 weeks will require that I use 25 hours of PTO if I can't figure out a way to work a couple of days. If I have to call in sick tomorrow I'll just have to deal with it.

I made a mistake. I listenend to Lillianna instead of my own good instincts.Now we'll see what happens.

I don't like Sylvia Browne

It's not that I don't believe in psychic ability because I do. I just hate Sylvia Browne. I think she's a bit of a self-centered bitch. Yup.....I sure do.

Montel has her on once a week or so and I hate the way she speaks to people. Most times she is so vague I just don't believe a damn thing she says.

Audience question:"Do I have any spirit guides around me?"
Sylvia:"Yes you have 3 angels and a spirit guide named Benjamin."

Then she turns her head and moves on to the next question. She looks bored and uninterested with the people that are yearning for answers. I get that it's a 60 minute talk show but at least look kind and loving.

Audience question:"My husband went missing 2 years ago and we don't know what happened."
Sylvia: (I swear she gives this same damn answer to everyone!!!) "He's in the woods in a shallow part of water. Look there."

She bugs the hell out of me. Without any skill at all anyone on this planet could give the answers that she does.

Audience question:"I have cancer. How will this turn out?"
Sylvia:"Everything will be fine."

Audience question:"I'm having trouble getting pregnant."
Sylvia:"You'll be pregnant by April."

How in the world is this woman so famous? I've had readings before and the good ones always give specific details.

Lillianna had a spirit drawing when she was 3 and Rita,who did the drawing was right on. You can see an article about Rita here and if you scroll down a few letters you'll see mine in there. I used to be able to google the picture she drew of Rich's mom but now I can't find it.

Anyway....Sylvia Browne sucks!