Saturday, February 05, 2011

It's's Phat with a PH

I'm not a big fan of slang. I remember when I was 13 and I went to San Diego to stay with my cousin Becky for 3 weeks and we laughed at each other's expressions. She couldn't understand "wicked good" since wicked means bad. How could something be
bad-good? It didn't make sense to her even after I explained that wicked just meant "very." We didn't use it in terms of wicked meaning something bad. It seemed perfectly normal to me.

I remember choking on my Dr.Pepper and how the carbonation hurt as it shot out through my nose when Becky said her mother "was going to have a cow." The image in my head was so bizarre I didn't know what to say. She didn't know why I was so hysterical. She just meant her mother was going to be upset. I'll probably never get that image out of my head!

So here we are in 2011 and I know the phat word has been around for a few years now but I heard it on tv the other day and it disturbed me. My guess is that it was created by some passive-aggressive person who was too afraid to say what he meant. Like the disgruntled silent suffering mate in a bad relationship who couldn't quite call it quits. As his girlfriend entered the room feeling wonderful, he looked at her with the intent to insult her and before he knew it the words flew out of his mouth, "'re really fat in that outfit."

Realizing he actually said what he was hoping to just think, he had to make a quick save as his girlfriend burst into hysterical tears.

"Oh honey, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I meant you look beautiful."
"But you said I looked FAT!" she sobbed.
After a moment's thought the boyfriend replied, "Oh misunderstood me. I didn't mean fat with an F, I meant phat with a P.H."
"There's no such word," she says but still remains hopeful.
"Yes, it's a new slang word. It means beautiful, wonderful, fantastic....the best!"
And they live happily ever after.....ya right!

Matty in the morning on KISS 108 FM claims you can take the sting out of anything bad by just adding "dude" to the end of your sentence.
"Your breath stinks.....dude." Doesn't sound so bad. Sounds kind of helpful.Good dental hygiene is important.

"Your wife is cheating on you....dude." Just giving you a head's up, my friend.
He kind of has a point there.

So here's my point. I'm just going to make stuff up.If PHAT is ok then PHUCK should be ok long as it's spelled with a PH.

I can say, "Phuck you!" and if anyone looks at me strangely or gets mad I'll just explain, "You've got it all wrong. I said F*&^ with a know....the good kind. It means have a nice day." I'm sure that person will see the light, hug me and say, "Well then, phuck you too." We'll be life long friends, I'm sure.

Let's go one better and add a silent H at the beginning of a word. You could say to your spouse, "Oh my God, you are such a hmoron!!" When he/she gets insulted you just reply, "I didn't mean moron. I said hmoron, you know, with a silent H at the beginning. It means "best person in the world."

Ah....what a passive-aggressive nation we've become.
What's your new word?