Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Yup....uh huh.....ya!

Lillianna told me that at the end of the school year,when she visited with her 4th grade teacher,the kids were told they couldn't say yup,uh huh and ya next year. I thought that was a good policy. I don't want my precious daughter to sound like a doofus. (Eegads....do the kids say doofus anymore? Probably not.)

Today while I was at work I caught myself saying Yup and uh huh quite frequently. I was stunned and kind of embarrassed. I'm not some teeny-bopper snapping my gum and twisting my hair while I talk about a dreamy boy in school. I'm a 44 year old grown woman who should know better.

As of today,I'm going to give up these words that are prohibited in 4th grade. I want to live my life as a mature adult! Don't you? Yup...uh huh....ya...I bet you do too.

Monday, July 30, 2007


Have you ever taken a good look at your life and wondered how you got here? That's how I've been feeling lately. All my plans for my marriage,my home,my career and my life in general took a different path than the one I thought I'd be traveling down.

I know that life is not a simple thing that can be wrapped up and tucked in your pocket for safe keeping but I never imagined that no matter how much I wanted something to happen,it just wouldn't work out that way. Life just seems to have a mind of it's own. It's total disregard of my plans really pisses me off.

For the past few months,even though my change in jobs has made my life easier,things are still spiraling down a road that I never wanted to be on. Now the question is,how the hell do I turn around and get out of here?

Unfortunately,every time I turn around to go down a better road,something else happens and I feel like I'm heading towards hell. Good thing I'm Jewish since we don't actually believe in hell. That's a plus!

I suppose a good therapist and a prescription for an anti-depressant is my first step at this point. Many of the things that I want in my life aren't really up to me and that's the part that gets me down. Rich needs to get a 2nd job working at night so that we can pay the bills but so far,he hasn't found one. The financial stress is keeping me up at nights and it occupies most of my thoughts during the day. It's hard to tune it out.

A few weeks ago when I got to work I felt so weird. I went to the surgery center and had them check my blood pressure which turned out to be fine but my pulse was 98. They said that was way too high and tried to get me to relax. Even when I'm not thinking of stressful things my subconscious is thinking about them.

I'm just feeling so lost. I wonder if I'll ever be able to find the path I initially wanted to be on or if I'm doomed to a live a life that I didn't choose and that I don't actually enjoy the way I had hoped to.

I feel like a loser and I really hate that feeling. Every time I take a step to make my life better,it's not enough. I wonder when things will turn around.

I hate dishonest people!

About 13 years ago,before Rich and I were married,we were food shopping in our local supermarket. While Rich put the groceries in the trunk,I ran next door to CVS to pick up a prescription. When I returned to the car Rich was sitting there shaking his head. I asked him what was wrong.

"This little car pulled out of it's parking space and hit another parked car. The driver got out,looked around and then sped off," he explained.

I said,"Well that's pretty typical. People suck."

Still shaking his head he said,"But his license plate said The Rev"

I nodded and told him that was a local reverend in our town and his actions didn't surprise me. I never liked that guy. Looking back,I should've seen if there had been any damage and then left a note saying who hit the car but I didn't really think of that back then. After what happened to me last week,I wish I had left a note.

Thursday morning Rich left for work and then a few seconds later he came back inside. Worried I asked what was wrong. He said someone had hit the front passenger side of my car. When I went outside I saw the huge dent on the side near my tire and the front part of my fender was torn off and hanging. I felt sick.

We're so behind on all our bills and now I have to pay a $500 deductible for my car. I am at the end of my rope with all this stuff. How could anyone smash my car like this and just drive away? I don't know if it happened when I was at Stop&Shop the night before of if it happened when Rich took it to do his radio show. Either way,the car was unoccupied when it happened.

Dishonest people suck!!!

Friday, July 20, 2007

What I learned about my sister

Kara and Peter went on a 4 day vacation and they asked us to stay at their house and dog sit for Cody,their 15 month old chocolate lab. I call him my furry nephew because I just love him and consider him to be one of the family.

Today I am working in their office because whenever they go away,that's what I do. It doesn't matter that I only know about ophthalmology and they own a mortgage company. Somehow,I always manage to survive.

Staying in Kara's house is great. She has the kind of house I would love to have. Since she hasn't even been married a year yet,all her "stuff" is new. She has every household gadget you can think of. It's amazing.

When I work in her office and have to find a file,I just stop and think for a moment and then I can figure out where she keeps it. Kara was a disorganized child and teenager but as an adult,she is obsessed with order. Who knew that was going to happen? Her organized mind makes my job in the office a piece of cake.

Being in her kitchen has been fun because again,if I just stop and think,I can find whatever I am looking for after one try. Everything is right where you would expect it to be. I find that to be amazing as well as fascinating. In my apartment,since there is so little space,I just put things wherever they fit. It may take several tries to find what you are looking for and then you still might be out of luck.

After one night and one morning in her house I learned some interesting things that I hadn't known before.

1) Kara has an obsessive relationship with barbecue sauce. She has 3 bottles in the refrigerator and she also has about 10 more in the cabinet. I don't know if she thinks there will suddenly be a barbecue sauce shortage or not but I guess she's not taking any chances.

2) All the beds in her house are fluffy. They have heavy,heavy comforters and the beds are covered with huge fluffy pillows. Last night I felt like I was sleeping on a huge puffy cloud. If you ever need a pillow,come to my sister's house.

3) Speaking of heavy,Kara's plates and silverware weigh a ton. If I ever drop a spoon on my foot,I know it'll break a toe. I've never seen such heavy dinner ware in my life. I find it amusing since Kara is very thin. I don't know how she holds a plate without toppling over.

4) Kara's linen closet looks like Bed,Bath and Beyond. It is stuffed to the brim with towels of every size and sheets and pillow cases for all the fluffy beds!
My towels are all about 13 years old. I think someone should throw me another bridal shower!! I need some new towels,damn it!

Over the next couple of days I am sure I will discover other interesting things about Kara. I am always intrigued by this girl!

Friday, July 13, 2007

How hot are you?

Lillianna and I were driving home the other day when I noticed a car coming towards us on the other side of the road. The passenger window had two feet hanging out of it. There is a seat belt law in Massachusetts and there was no way anyone could sit in that position and still be wearing a seat belt unless they were a contortionist.Since we aren't really circus folk in this neck of the woods,I doubted that this person was blessed with such a talent.

The seat belt issue wasn't even my real concern. I couldn't help but wonder,how freakin' hot do your feet have to be that you are compelled to remove your foot wear and stick your feet out the window to cool them down? Maybe when your feet are hot your brain cells die off in chunks so you don't realize how stupid it is to stick your feet out that window. Could that be it? Even if my feet were literally on fire,I would simply pull the car over and smother the flames. I wouldn't stick them out the window! Plus,I'm an air conditioner girl and that's much cooler than the hot sticky breeze outside.

Many years ago when Rich and I were driving on the highway,we saw a crazy accident. I don't know what made the first car stop but about 6 or 7 cars rear ended each other because of that one car. When a car with feet hanging out the passenger window rear ended the car in front of it,the feet disappeared. I always wondered what happened to the body attached to those stupid feet. I'm sure I'll never know.

Do you stick your feet out the window when you are in the passenger seat?

Hero or complete and utter moron? You decide.

This evening,on the news,there was a story of a mom who they were saying was a hero because she gave CPR to her 2 year old child who almost drowned. Oh how they praised her for her quick thinking.Her heroism saved his life. I decided to reserve my judgment until I heard how the child almost drowned. I had a feeling I knew what the cause of this nearly fatal accident was.

Eventually they got to the part of what happened. It seems that the mom was outside in her backyard with her 2 year old in his wading pool. She went inside "just for a minute" when the child went under the water. I was stunned when I heard this news. Gee whiz and golly willikers.....who would've guessed that's how the accident happened? Another child whose parent left them alone for "just a minute". What could possibly happen????

When the mom came outside she saw her drowning child and pulled him out of the pool. I guess she called 911 and she administered CPR until they came. The boy is in the hospital but he will be okay.

As the three of us sat on the couch watching this I was yelling all kinds of nasty comments at the tv. This just makes me crazy! No parent is perfect but if you mix a small unattended child with a pool of water you're bound to get a drowning. Who doesn't know that? In my tirade I got really nasty and found my husband and daughter staring at me in shock. I stared back. "Uhm...dropping the F-Bomb,are we?" Rich asked in surprised. I sighed and said,"I just want to punch that mother in the face. How stupid can she be?" Neither one of them disagreed with me. Then I blurted out,"Who thought it was a good idea to watch the news anyway?" I grabbed the remote and put on That 70's Show.I hate the show but I hate the news even more.

So what do you think? Is this mom a hero or a moron?

Sunday, July 08, 2007

The new pool rules....RULE!

We have lived in this apartment complex for over 4 years. The rules have been pretty strict these past few years and I haven't been very happy. Last year the complex hired an outside foreign life guard service and the rules got even worse.

All inflatable pool toys and diving sticks were still banned but then they added that if we brought a guest under the age of 14,their parent had to be with them. Lillianna's an only child. We need friends to play with in the pool. We couldn't have any children over last year at all and it was tough.

This year,several Egyptian families moved into our complex and they bring anyone they want in the pool. They also bring boogie boards,inflatable tubes,small hard footballs and other throwing toys.I don't know if they didn't read the rules that were delivered to each tenant or they just don't understand or care but they have broken just about every pool rule. The lifeguard has never said a word.

Yesterday,which was our 2nd time at the pool this year,I noticed the huge amount of toys and other banned items. Lillianna's classmate nearly bonked her off the head with the football in an attempt to throw it to his sister. So much for safety. The lifeguard said nothing. On the next break that the lifeguard took,I went to the rental office. (The lifeguard takes a 15 minute break every 45 mins and we have to get out of the pool. This ridiculous rule started last year!)

So,Lillianna and I went to the office. I just wanted to know if all the rules that they sent us several times before the pool opened,still applied. The 2 woman in the office said that it is up to the lifeguard to enforce the rules. If he doesn't,then he doesn't. They are an outside company. She said she could talk to her manager and have them enforce them. I said,"I just want to know because I'll bring diving sticks and a friend for my daughter if the rules don't apply." She said she wouldn't say anything to the manager and I should go ahead and do what I wanted.

So....hooray for idiot lifeguards!! Lillianna and I are heading to the pool in an hour with her diving sticks!! Maybe tomorrow we'll have a friend over!!

Friday, July 06, 2007

Child neglect

Every story has two sides but when it has to do with child neglect or abuse,I really only see one side:the child's side.
Oh sure,Lillianna acts like I am the most abusive mother when I ask her to please clean up her room. "But Mom....I thought summer vacation was supposed to be fun. How is cleaning my room fun?"

On the rare occasion when I sleep late and Lillianna helps herself to her own breakfast,I feel bad.When I wake up at 8:30am,(since i usually wake up at 5am,8:30am is late for me) I look around at the empty Twinkee wrapper,the remains of Cocoa Puffs in a bowl,3 lollipop wrappers,a popsicle wrapper and a sticky cup of
fruit punch and I think,"Damn! I hope DSS (the department of social services) doesn't get word of this! They'll take my child away."

Luckily,Lillianna will say,"I took my vitamins." Hooray....we're saved.She ate something healthy.My child can stay with me.
The reality is,I can't imagine neglecting or abusing my daughter.

A co-worker of mine has 3 children who are 12,10 and 3.Rumor has it that the 12 and 10 year old have gone to live with their father since they are left home alone every day while their mother works. The 12 year old is in charge of the 3 year old and she resented it so much that she chose not to live there anymore. The 3 year old has a different father than the other two and she may be going to live elsewhere as well.
The mother,from what I have heard,couldn't care less.

This is all told to me second hand by a relative of this mother so I'm not 100% sure of it's accuracy but the story disturbs me.

When Rich told me he was leaving me 4 1/2 years ago,my worst moment was when he had to tell Lillianna. I kept hoping she wouldn't turn around and say,"I want to live with Daddy." I think I would've been institutionalized at that point. Lillianna was only 5 years old but she wanted to live with me and never questioned that that was how it would be.

I'm hoping that if she chooses to go out of state for college in 9 years,I'll be loving and supportive and just let her go without buying a condo near her school so that I can go with her!

I would never be relieved or happy to have my child decide to live elsewhere in her young years. I enjoy raising her and loving her. If anyone ever tried to take Lillianna away from me,they'd have to pry her out of my cold,dead hands!