Wednesday, February 21, 2007

What I learned from watching COPS

I find Cops to be amusing and informative.
I am sure many of you have seen this show a time or two but I wanted to share what I have learned over the years. These are very helpful tips and if I can help just one person out there,it will all have been worth it.

#1: If you are planning on stealing a car,put on some clothes before you leave the house just in case a cop pulls you over. Many people on COPS try to steal cars in the buff and then they are perplexed when the cop is suspicious. Generally speaking,a naked driver is an arrested driver. Just a little FYI for ya.

#2: Speaking of being naked....if a cop does pull you over and you are not wearing any clothes,don't stuff your drugs in any personal body openings. Cops love a good cavity search.

#3: It may have worked with your parents when you were in high school and had a pack of cigarettes but telling a police officer that you are holding that crack pipe "for a friend" is not going to fly when you're 35 and you're clearly high and can barely remember your own name.

#4: If a cop pulls you over and finds that you are with a young woman,don't try to play it off like she's a friend of yours. Tell the truth and admit she's some "ho" that you paid $10 for oral sex. Lies never work when two cops quiz you and the girl separately.

cop: How do you know that woman?
you: I've known her for years. She's friends with my sister.
cop: What's her name?
you: (extremely long pause).....Name?..... Her name?.... Uhm.....I dunno.

other cop: How do you know the driver?
hooker: Oh....the driver?....Uhm....He's my boyfriend.
other cop: Your boyfriend? What's his name?
hooker: His name?.........Well.....I just met him today.
other cop: You just met him today and he's your boyfriend?
hooker: (dead silence)
other cop: Did he pay you for your services?
hooker: Oh sh**.......I have 5 kids at home. I can't go to jail again!!

Just so ya know.....the truth always comes out one way or another.

#5: If you find yourself being chased by a cop and you are on foot..... STOP RUNNING!!!! What is the matter with you? Haven't you ever seen this show? Do you have the thought capacity of an acorn? They are going to catch you. They have cars and helicopters. You only have your own two feet and you are wearing flip flops. How far do you think you can get before you are thrown on the ground and cuffed? Save yourself the bruising and just stand as still as a statue and let them ask you their questions. They will respect you more if you don't act like you are guilty and running from them. If your brain isn't completely fried from drug use,you might have half a chance.

I hope these tips prove to be helpful. Please let me know if I've saved a life.

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