Friday, June 30, 2006

You can't wait for happiness

I used to get so frustrated when I was single because so many of my friends used to say,"When I meet the right guy,I'll be happy." Well,if you're not happy before you meet the right guy,how the heck will you be happy after you meet him? Will he bring a magical happiness pill?

Sometimes I catch myself saying,"I'll be happy when........"(Rich gets a better job,we have enough money to buy a house,we don't have to worry about money....)I know they say money can't buy happiness and I definitely agree with that,but money can make life easier and less stressful,which is really what I'm hoping for.

There are times when I feel like I am in limbo,just waiting for my real life to start. It's not that I haven't been living my life all these years because I have,it's jut that this is not where I thought I'd be at 43. There are so many changes I still have to make and I just feel like I am cemented to one spot with no way to make my dreams come true.

Some dreams take courage like submitting my book to a publisher.....I still haven't done it and I have no one to blame but myself. Other dreams are out of my hands like waiting to hear if Rich got the new job we are both praying that he gets.

In the meantime, I try to enjoy the happiness that surrounds our family every day but sometimes,it isn't as easy as it should be. The bills are looming like a cloud of doom over my head every day. Rich and I both work at jobs that don't pay us enough. My medications are very expensive each month even with our insurance which just changed,by the way,and I have no idea what kind of changes that will entail.

On the other hand,we have a good marriage. We love each other and we have a wonderful child. We couldn't ask for a more loving and funny child. We have a nice apartment with a pool,2 cars that run well (knock on wood) and plenty of food to eat. We laugh a lot and we spend as much time together as we possibly can.

Rich and I are husband and wife but most of all,we are friends...and that makes all the difference in the world. Lillianna finds joy in the simplest things and for that I am very grateful because she helps me to focus on what is really important in our life.....spending time together and showing our love for one another every single day. It's not about where we live or if we can pay the bills on time. It's about finding happiness in our daily life and being grateful for all that we do have. When I look at it like that,I realize how happy we really are.

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