No place for my husband

Before I had kids (well, I only have one) I thought it would be so wonderful to have my husband help me through childbirth. We had watched a wonderful movie during our birthing class which was so inspiring it filled my heart with love.The caring, kind and devoted husband helped his panting and sweating wife with tender gestures and concerned touches. They smiled at one another and pledged their undying love. "I love you," he whispered while placing a cool cloth on his beloved's forehead. "I love you more," she answered as she gazed adoringly into her soulmate's eyes. Ahhhhh, it was so beautiful and magical.

The reality was that there was no damn place for Rich in the birthing room. I don't know who the heck the husband and wife were in that movie or what planet they were from but it had nothing at all to do with my childbirth experience. Where do they get this crap from? It's false advertising! That's what it is.

I checked in to the hospital at 8:00pm on October 2, 1997. I was immediately asked if I wanted to sit in the shower to ease the pain of the contractions. Nothing can duplicate the pain of your child trying to find the exit door from inside your body. I was up for anything that could make this pain go away. What the hell was my precious baby doing in there and how did she get a chain saw? "Head for the birth canal, sweetie. Don't hack your way out," I silently pleaded to my daughter.

I quickly agreed to the shower and plodded into the bathroom. I sat on the plastic wobbly stool that is usually reserved for the elderly bather and I aimed the warm spray at my protruding stomach.It was magical. I sat there for a while just enjoying the pain free moments when Rich suddenly became alarmed. (Rich claims that "a while" was actually two hours but I can't verify that.)

"Look at your feet! They're turning blue! You have to get out of the shower," he sputtered and called for my nurse, Maggie. Just then I got a sharp pain and dropped the shower head. I breathed through that contraction and was in a state of rest again when Rich stated the obvious. "You dropped the shower head."
As I slowly reached down to retrieve it I wondered how I could hit Rich over the head with this piece of metal and make it look like an accident. I just wanted him to shut up. I know that isn't a loving thought for a wife to have about her husband but I was in excrutiating pain and he was in the way. I grabbed the shower head firmly. Before I sat in an upright position I noticed his concerned face was right in my line of fire....... so I clunked him over the head. Hard! (To this day he says I punched him in the face with my fist but everyone knows I hit like a girl so I know that's not true!)

I left the shower and Nannette, my mid-wife, gave me a shot of Nubain before I was ushered to the birthing chair. Nubain is the miracle drug that "takes the edge off." I don't know about that. I was pretty edgy. The Nubain caused me to have bizarre hallucinations in between my contractions. So here I was sitting across from Rich and Maggie, huffing and puffing so hard I thought my lungs would burst when suddenly I saw them: blue and white ceramic cereal bowls all stacked one on top of the other. What did this mean? I tried to convey this image to Rich, but he was busy making Maggie laugh with his Arnold Schwartzenegger impression. "Use your Kegel muscles. You are strong woman. You can push out this baby like spitting out a cherry pit." He was babbling some kind of silliness and at any other time I would have laughed too. But not while I was seeing cereal bowls and my insides were trying to come outside!

Maggie laughed hysterically and said to me, "Oh my god he is so funny!You are so lucky.
Hello!! Is anyone going to help the pregnant woman panting in the birthing chair or is this open mike night at the Comedy Stop? Rich and Maggie looked like two distorted faces laughing in silence. I couldn't hear them anymore. I only heard the silent screams inside my head.I willed Rich and Maggie to disappear. I closed my eyes and waited a few seconds. Damn! They were still there.

Sometime later,while I was still writhing in the birthing chair, I noticed Rich was in the corner across the room looking guilty. He was snacking on his crackers and cheese and chugging a Pepsi. I didn't even care at that point. I love him dearly but what was he doing in the birthing room with me? What purpose did he serve other than to irritate me and amuse my nurse? I thought back to the olden days when men paced in the waiting room while their wife gave birth without them. Some time later the nurse announced the sex of the child and the husband passed out cigars. Bring back the good old days, I say!

Near the end of this ordeal,Nannette, made another appearance and she suggested I transfer to the bed. She had been checking on me all night and now it was time to get things moving. She instructed me to breath. Rich made his last attempt at helpfulness. He stood close to my bed, leaned down and encouragingly said, "Breathe, Honey."
That was it! I had had just about enough of his chit chat. My eyes spit fire at him as I growled, "I AM BREATHING!!!!!!!!!!"
He must have ducked for cover because the next thing I knew, I pushed out my daughter in one push and at 4:59am on October 3rd, Lillianna arrived. Nannette plopped Lillianna on my stomach. My hot little wrinkled baby looked like a SharPei puppy lying there. I patted her head in amazement.
Nannette asked Rich if he wanted to cut the cord. He waved his hand back and forth in protest and said, "No! No! That's why we pay you!" That was fine with me since I didn't want my husband to have a weapon. He might try to get revenge for the shower head clunking earlier in the evening.

Maggie asked Rich if he wanted to hold Lillianna. He shook his head no and backed away from the bed. I laughed at him and said, "Yes you do. Hold her!" He had such a look of fear on his face, you would have thought he was asked to hold a basket full of cobras. He put his arms straight out in front of him.As Lillianna was placed in his shaking arms he slowly brought his daughter closer..... and closer......and closer, until she was resting her head next to his thumping heart. All thoughts of killing my husband and hiding the body vanished in that moment.
We were parents of a beautiful baby girl and we were very much in love with each other. All was right with the world.

You can't always get what you want

What do you do when your child has a meltdown? You can read my newest post,You can't always get what you want over at DotMoms.

An impractical purchase....oh well!

Lillianna and I went shoe shopping last week for shoes to wear with pants. We already purchased dress shoes a few weeks ago. We went to Payless where they were having their "buy one get one half off" sale and we quickly found a pair of cute black slip on shoes that were just perfect. We were packing up our stuff when suddenly Lillianna gasped as she spotted a glittery treasure. She pointed to a pair of pink Strawberry Shortcake sparkle shoes sitting on the shelf.Her voice was filled with joy as she asked,"Mom, can I get them?"

Of course my first thought was, heck no. When will she wear such a thing? I thought I took a huge leap when I let her wear white Easter shoes in March this year. I just didn't know how much growth I could take in one year.

Pink sparkle shoes......they are so impractical.What would they go with?
I looked at Lillianna's hopeful face. I looked at the shoes. I looked back at my daughter. I squinted at the shoes since the sparkles were so blinding. I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Sure. Try them on. If they fit you can have them."
They fit. She was thrilled. She plopped her sneakers in the bag and slipped on her new pink shoes. Her smile was worth it. Hey, you're only a 7 year old girl once, right?

Have you made any impractical purchases lately?

Did I read that correctly?

I was trying to write a new post for DotMoms this morning and I had Montel on in the background. I was hoping it wouldn't be another show about boyfriends killing their girlfriends so I grabbed the remote and clicked on the info button. "Vaccinations turned tragic." Huh....how do vaccinations turn tragic? I mean I have read all the information that the pediatrician hands out before your child gets a vaccination but the chances of your child having these problems is slim, right? I caught the end of one story and it was about a man who got lost and his body was never found. I knew I was tired but how did that happen? Did he get some type of vaccination and then had a bad reaction and got amnesia and wandered off?

The next story was about a young boy who got sucked into some type of tube in a pool in Mexico while on a trip with his family. Did the boy get a vaccination before this trip and became disoriented and.......and what???? What weird story was this.
Just then the daily topic flashed on the tv screen. "Vacations turned tragic." OHHHHHHHH, Vacations??????
Never mind!

Too tired

I had my typical busy weekend working 21 hours and getting very little sleep (even with the extra hour from daylight savings). After work yesterday we went to Kara's to trick or treat in her new neighborhood with Peter's 2 girls, Lena and Bella.
By the time we left at 9:00pm I didn't know how I would survive the 30 minute drive back to mom's to get my car and then the 30 minutes to my house. Somehow I did manage to drag my butt to bed but I couldn't sleep for more than 15-30 minutes at a time.

Lillianna woke me at 2am because she had a rash on her wrist. I put cream on it and put her back to bed. Then it was 3am, 3:15,3:45.........everytime I woke up I felt like I had been asleep for 6 hours but in reality it had only been 15 minutes!
I woke up for good at 6:15am,gave Lil breakfast, made her lunch, walked her to school and then I stopped at my car to get my lunchbox from yesterday and a huge jug of water that I couldn't carry last night in my exhaustion. I called Rich from my cell phone and asked him to meet me downstairs to open the door.

I walked to the front door and Rich immediately took the water from me. I limply followed him up the stairs and through our door when I just wasn't quick enough and my finger got slammed in the door. I burst into tears and Rich rushed over to check on me. I was just so tired and hadn't been paying attention to what I was doing and that made me feel so frustrated. I wasn't able to cope with anything.I dragged myself into our room and plopped on the bed. Rich came in to lie beside me and asked, "Having a bad day?" As the tears streamed down my face I answered, "I guess."
That made him laugh and he used his humor and charm to make me feel better. I was still tired but I didn't feel as bad as I had a few minutes before.

Did you have more energy or less energy after setting the clocks back this weekend?

I don't believe in curses!

The Boston Red Sox won the world series last night: the first time since 1918! I am no sport's fan as I have admitted before but even I watched the game last night. I also watched it in 1975(?) when my junior high school teacher told us all to go home and watch the game because if we won, we would be seeing history! I stayed up way past my bed time and.....we lost. I cried. I am too sensitive to follow sports.


People have been mumbling about "the curse" that has plagued the Red Sox all these years. Apparently this has been the reason they haven't been winning. I don't believe that for one minute.I was glad to hear the players say that they never believed in the curse. The reason this year was different was because they believed in themselves! They didn't take anything for granted until that last out was made and they realized they had done it. They won.

I believe that in order to win, the right combination of players had to be there. The team had to be in sync with one another about their attitude and their strategy.
If you watch any of the interviews you will hear them all say the same thing, "We believed." That is really quite a powerful message to all of us. What could we all do if we just believed in the positive things: in ourself, in our ability, in our dreams?

I don't believe in curses because I think the idea of a curse, plays on our fear, that we can't believe in ourself!

What do you believe?

Red Sox day at school

When Lillianna got out of school on Friday she told me that Monday would be Red Sox Day. Everyone would be wearing Red Sox hats or t-shirts to school. I didn't think that would be a problem since Rich already had a Red Sox hat.She could wear that.

During my lunch break yesterday, I called home to see if Lillianna had her bath yet. Rich said he would do that when they got back. I asked where he was going. He said they were heading out to buy a Red Sox hat for Monday since Rich's hat was kind of disgusting and he didn't want Lillianna to wear an icky hat.

I tried to explain that we didn't have the extra money this week to buy a hat just because it was Red Sox day in school. I am trying to figure out the rent money for next week and I didn't want any unnecessary spending to go on. Lillianna began to cry. Rich sounded disappointed. I felt like the worst mom ever. I wish I could run out and buy a hat just for one day but we work our butts off and still struggle with money. We are doing our best.

I got off the phone and felt an anxiety attack coming on. I hate that feeling of having no control over a situation. Just then Julie asked what was wrong and I explained what happened. She smiled and said,"I have a Red Sox hat in my car if Lillianna wants to borrow it......and it's pink." Wow! She had just solved my problem. What probably seemed like a little thing to Julie was actually a life saver to me.I gratefully accepted her offer and brought the hat home to Lillianna.

When Lillianna saw the beautiful pink hat she was overjoyed. This morning she wore her overalls, pink shirt, pink Red Sox hat and ......red socks!! She said she was the only one who wore red socks today. What spirit! I pulled her hair up in a pony tail and pushed it through the opening in the back. She thought that was funny.

When I pulled up to the school to let her out she spotted all the other Red Sox hats on the students entering the school. Her face lit up when she said proudly,"Well, you can tell it's Red Sox day today." She patted the pink hat and walked happily into school.

I walked up to school to get her this afternoon and noticed all the students and teachers in Red Sox gear. I was glad Lillianna was able to participate in supporting our home team. She held my hand,smiled and said, "I wore the hat the whole day, Mom." I smiled back at her.

Thank you, Julie!!!! You're a life saver!!!

What song takes you back?

There are certain songs that when I hear them, they take me back to one particular place, one moment frozen in time. I don't mean a large time frame like when I hear Whip It, by Devo,it does take me back to my high school days and my Dorothy Hamill haircut, but I mean one song-one place.

Whenever I hear the original version of Lean On Me by Bill Withers, I am immediately swept off to Pompanesset Beach on Cape Cod the summer when I was 9 years old. I can see the jetty where I used to go and sit and watch the waves crash against the rocks. I can feel the warmth of the sun and the spray of the ocean on my face. Every time I hear it I see that picture in my mind.

Precious and Few by Climax, immediately puts me in the front seat, in between Mommy and Daddy, on my way to the reception for my cousin Richard's Bar-Mitzvah. Mom's friend Bevie was singing in the back seat while that tune played on the radio. No matter how many times I have heard that over the past 32 years, that's where I go when I hear it.

We Built This City by Starship, takes me to the kitchen of the kibbutz in 1985 when I was peeling potatoes. The first time I heard it I loved it. I was bopping all around dancing to this kicky tune at 6am much to the surprise of my overtired co-workers. On the rare occasion that I actually hear this song on the radio, I laugh and remember that moment in the kitchen.

Cross My Heart brings me to Bowser's restaurant parking lot in 1994. I was just about to park my car and go inside to meet Mom and Kara for dinner when George Strait's beautiful voice came over the radio. I immediately pulled in to the parking lot and listened to this song as tears streamed down my face. I had found our wedding song. Up until that point I had decided and Rich had agreed we would dance our first dance to Longer by Dan Fogelberg, but Cross My Heart was "it" for me.Sometimes this song takes me to our wedding but mostly I return to Bowser's parking lot.

Do you have a song that takes you back to one moment in time?

When no one is looking......

I was driving to work at 6:30am this morning and I was the only car on the road for about 10 minutes. It was dark and the fog was as thick as pea soup. Ok, it really wasn't but I always loved reading that expression and wanted to add it in!! I like to think that I am the only one awake at these crazy hours on a Sunday and I probably am! Two thoughts popped into my head during my 30 minute commute and I thought I would throw them out to you.

1) If there is no one in front of you or behind you when you are driving, do you still use your directional? (I do. I am not sure why, but I do.)

2) If you are home alone and no one is expected home any time soon, do you still close the bathroom door? (Yes! Definitely! But again I am not sure why!!!!)

How about you??

The power of toast

People are always searching for the key to a happy life. Some think the key is money or sex but they are wrong. In order to have a happy life you must have a good working toaster.
I grew up with a toaster oven for as far back as I can remember. I think my mom's theory was that if we had something small to bake we could do it in the toaster oven and the big oven would never even be turned on. I can see that being a valid point in the summer but who cares about the heat in the winter?

When Rich and I got married I never thought twice about choosing between a toaster and a toaster oven. Clearly the toaster oven was the way to go. We have had several "top of the line" toaster ovens over the past 10 years and they never seem to toast as well as we would expect. Oh sure it bakes and broils but why doesn't it toast? Our last toaster oven was only a year old when the toast started doing odd things. Out of the 4 slices, 2 would be white, 2 would be black, one side was toasted, one side was raw as if it was on broil but it wasn't!! It was on TOAST!

Rich would look up with his sad puppy dog eyes and hold up his burnt/raw toast and sigh. I didn't know what to say. What the hell was wrong with this damn toaster oven????? He suggested we buy a regular 4 slice toaster. You would've thought he asked to bring another woman into the marriage by the way I reacted. What was he thinking??? A regular TOASTER?
What if I wanted to make two fish sticks or heat up chicken nuggets for Lillianna? Would I have to use the regular oven? What kind of insanity was this?

After the millionth piece of disappointing toast, I headed to Wal-Mart and invested in a 4 slice toaster. I didn't want to spend too much just in case it didn't live up to our expectations.
How could a toaster be better than a toaster oven?
The first morning that I made toast with our breakfast, Rich's face lit up with pure joy. Sounds of, "Mmmmmmm, yum....good......mmmmmmmm, golden brown........mmmmmm," was all I could hear through his happy sighs and butter moistened lips.

Our life has changed drastically since the purchase of the toaster. Who knew that a happy day was one that started with a perfect piece of toast? See, toast is the key to a happy life!

Do you own a toaster oven or a toaster? What made you choose one over the other?

Not a fan of violence

By now you all know the Boston Red Sox beat the New York Yankees last night. Yay Red Sox.
I am not a huge sports fan. I think I can only name two of the Red Sox off the top of my head much to Rich's horror! I am proud that they won. I think we learned from them that nothing is impossible. What an uplifting message to receive.

When I turned on the news today I saw the "fans" pouring out into the street from the bars they had been watching the game in. I guess I am delusional because I believe you can be happy for your team and support them without destroying the opposing team and it's fans.
It seems some fans set an s.u.v. on fire, which was parked on the side of the road. "Why?" you might ask. Because it had New York plates. The cheering fans in the background that were interviewed were so excited that the car was on fire.
"The Red Sox won and we're going to the World Series. We are setting cars on fire and nothing else matters!!!!" was how one enthusiastic fan explained his actions.

I am appalled. Can't you cheer for a team without this kind of destruction? Rich asked me, "What if that car belonged to a family that had to travel to Boston for medical treatment for a child? Now their vehicle is gone." He is right. No one knows who that car belongs to and no one cares. It's from New York so it must be destroyed?

Rich said, "The majority of the damage is being done by out of state kids who come here for college. They wouldn't dream of doing this at home, but because they are away they feel that they can get away with it. It's a nice way to spend your tuition money: on bail! And you wonder why parents are hesitant to put their kids in competetive athletics. Because you see this kind of crazed mentality all the way down to Tee-Ball. And I know all about this because I used to coach basketball, hockey and girls softball back in California."

When did this become normal? Why do people think this is perfectly ok and why are they proud of these actions?

What do you think of this kind of behavior? How do you show support for your favorite team? Has your support ever prompted violence?

Happy Birthday Kara

Thirty years ago today at 10:49am my sister Kara was born. I was the happiest 11 1/2 year old child when I heard the news from my dad that it was a girl!!! Nana and I had been secretly praying for a girl even though we told other people, "Oh, we don't care as long as the baby is healthy." What the heck would I have done with a brother?
This past Sunday, my mom threw a surprise party at a beautiful restaurant for Kara's 30th birthday. We all had a wonderful time. I read the following letter to my sister after dinner.

October 17, 2004

To my dearest sister,
In just 3 days you will be 30. That seems amazing to me. It seems like only yesterday that I wished for a baby sister to love.

Somehow I thought you would turn out to be exactly like me but you asserted your independence early on.
When you were about 6 months old I couldn't wait to dress you in frilly hats. You were not as thrilled about this as I was. Every time I tied a pretty little bonnet around your neck you spit up on me. Even at that age you had your own sense of fashion and nothing that I did was going to change it. Needless to say, there are very few pictures of you in a hat.

I believe the first sentence you ever spoke was directed to me in a nasty tone, with your hands on your hips,"I don't have to listen to you. You're not my mother!" Okay maybe that wasn't the first one but it's the one I heard most often.

I think I spent a lot of time trying to make you more like me instead of just letting you be yourself. I realized my mistake when you were in high school.

When you were 15 or 16 your date for the semi-formal hadn't called you all day and never showed up to pick you up. I was visiting a friend in Boston when Mom called to tell me this news. All I could say was, "Oh no, my poor sister! Is she ok?" I was on the verge of tears picturing you in your beautiful dress, crying in your room while eating junk food to help soothe your pain. That's what I would've done and I couldn't imagine any other reaction to this kind of situation. Mom said, "She’s fine. She went to the dance without him. She said no one was going to ruin her good time and she would have fun with her friends."
I was stunned. I would never, ever, ever have thought of going to the dance by myself. I hung up the phone from mom and I clapped for you. I thought you were brilliant for having taken control of the situation. I was so proud of you and so grateful that you didn't handle things the way I would have.

The summer that you were 15 and I was 27 we went off for 4 days to Florida. After 3 days in Disney World you said you wanted to go to a waterslide park. Immediately I said no because I had never been to a water slide park before and it didn't sound like fun to me. NOT AT ALL! You glared at me and told me not to be a big baby (ah, always the compassionate one!) and just try it. Reluctantly I agreed to go even though I was convinced I would hate every minute of it. I couldn't believe how much fun we had. I don't know what was more surprising: the fact that I enjoyed the water slides or that you and I had fun doing the same thing! I had to admit you were right.

The only thing we had in common was cheerleading. I was so honored when you asked me to help you with the cheers for your try-outs that first year. I felt like you finally needed me for something. When you asked me to watch the try-outs I wanted to say no because I would be too nervous but I went and made you smile and I was so proud when you made the squad. Not only were you a great cheerleader but I thought it meant that you were like me.

It has taken me 30 years to realize that you and I are never going to be the same and that's probably a good thing after all. Who could stand two of us?
The important thing is that we are sisters who love each other with one goal in mind: to drive mom crazy.

Happy 30th Birthday to my favorite sister and Lillianna's favorite auntie!

I love you!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KARA!!

My Very Reasonable Daughter

Lillianna and I went shoe shopping last week. Lena and Bella had on platform shoes when we had Rosh Hashanah dinner at my mom's house last month. They were cute shoes and I had intended to buy Lillianna the exact pair. As she paraded up and down the little rug in the shoe department of Sears I started to have second thoughts. I didn't love them. They looked too grown up for my 7 year old daughter.
"I can get them, right Mom???" Lillianna asked anxiously.
"Uhm, well, let me look over here a sec," I replied. I was hoping to see something more appropriate.
I found a pair of black patent leather shoes that had a little heel (not the high,thick heel of the platform shoes). I asked her to try them on and she did without one word of protest. As she modeled them for me I was thinking of the conflict we would have when I told her I didn't want to buy the platform shoes.
"Sweetie, I'm sorry to say I don't love these platform shoes and I don't feel like they are practical . For one thing the brown leather doesn't go with as much as the black does and the heel is bigger than I want you to have at this age. I would prefer that we buy the black ones and then come spring time I will buy you something with more pizazz."
Lillianna didn't hesitate when she answered, "Ok, Mom. That's fine with me."
I just love this child!!

Update on Frannie

To my co-workers:
Bobbi and I went to see Frannie tonight. The first thing she said was that I should have the breast reduction surgery too. It was a piece of cake, apparently! She said she felt pretty comfortable. She came through her surgery with ease and said her doctor was wonderful and comforting. She is on the pediatrics floor which struck us as funny but the doctor told her he didn't want her on a "sick" floor. She is scheduled to leave there tomorrow.
Leila was with her and taking excellent care of her. Bobbi and I brought her the chocolates that we had made yesterday and Lillianna drew a picture of a pumpkin for her and we tacked it on her cork board on the wall.
As always Frannie was cracking jokes. Before we left she laughed and said, "I hope I will make it on one of your blogs!" Of course, Frannie! Happy healing!

It ain't over til it's over!

Rich was watching the news this morning when he gasped, "The Red Sox won last night!!"
We had been at my sister's birthday party and ran around all weekend and by 9:30pm we went to sleep. It was a huge surprise to hear they had won.
I am not a huge sport's fan but this is quite a turn of events.

It ain't over til it's over!!

Red Sox Fan

I walked Lillianna to school today. As we approached the main entrance we noticed Lillianna's friend, Kyle chatting with his friend. We went over and greeted them. Here is their conversation. Keep in mind, we live in Massachusetts.

Friend: (pointing down the walkway) Hey! Did you see that kid? He's wearing a New York Yankees' hat!

Kyle:(looking around) Where? Where?............Oh, there he is. You're right.

Friend:(getting ready to show the Yankees' fan who is boss) Come on....let's go beat him up.

Kyle:(taking a step back and evaluating the situation) Ya, well maybe we should wait until after tonight.

I had to laugh. I just love Kyle.

Go Red Sox!

I'll Take It!

I got an honorable mention in the Blogging For Books competition from The Zero Boss. I was never brave enough to enter any type of writing competition before this so I am actually quite proud of myself.
Go on over and read the winners but bring plenty of tissues.

A different light

It's funny how you can know someone in one context and then see them in another setting or exhibiting a talent you weren't aware of and it changes you.

When I saw Brian and Pete singing back in July, I was amazed that these young men that I had known for many years were such talented performers.

Today was a day just like that. I went to see my very first soccer game at the local college. What made this special was that one of my co-workers was playing in this game. Michelle is a star soccer player and I have always wanted to watch her play. Her sister, Kim, was also a star on the team but she could only play for 4 years and this is her 5th year since she changed majors. Everyone said that Kim and Michelle were incredible to watch. I regret that I never saw them play together.

Lillianna and I got up to the field a little bit before one o'clock and we spotted Michelle right away. I know nothing about soccer so when Lillianna asked me questions, I was stumped. Luckily Kim walked over to see us so she answered our questions and then we walked over to Kim's mom, Lois who was standing down the end of the field.

Michelle and I used to work together on Sunday mornings and I got to know bits and pieces of her life. She was always sweet and funny and I enjoyed my mornings with her. Nothing could've prepared me for today. Michelle took the field with the confidence of an athlete who knows she is someone to be reckoned with. She wasn't arrogant in any way, just confident in her ability. I gasped when she bounced the ball off her head and off her stomach. Kim assured us that it looked worse than it felt. I'll have to take her word for it! Lillianna said,"ouch" everytime she saw someone do that.

I was in awe when Michelle took control of the ball and ran down the field with it.What footwork! She made it look effortless. A few times she was pushed by a player on the opposing team and she tumbled on the grass. I was appalled but the refs didn't seem to notice this at all. I would've taken the ball and gone home which is why it is a good thing I don't play soccer.

The game went into over-time and ended in a tie: one to one. Michelle came over to say hello and Lillianna got to meet her. She was quite thrilled about that because she had been so excited about going to our first soccer game and meeting Michelle. I got the chance to tell Michelle how happy I was to finally watch her play and how amazed I was that she is so talented. I was so pleased that Lillianna and I got the chance to watch this shining star.

Have you ever gotten the chance to see someone you knew in a different light?

Are you a good cook?

My friend Lorrie is an awesome cook. She can throw together some of the most unlikely combinations and still come up with something absolutely delicious. She knows how to make each item compliment the others. I have looked at her lunch with envy and thought, "Why can't I do that?" We don't all have that special talent. Oh sure, I can make a tasty meal but not like she can.

Unfortunately, just because someone isn't a good cook, that doesn't stop them from cooking or worst of all, pretending they can cook and trying to do it professionally. You have to know when you are out of your league. At some point you have to admit defeat. Throwing a bunch of vegetables and meat into a pot does not guarantee that you will produce a brilliant stew. No matter how much you believe that all it has to do is simmer and let the ingredients find a way to work together, that still doesn't mean you will create something edible and utterly delicious.

If you are truly delusional you will go one step further and add something like cinnamon to this stew and still insist it can work if only the ingredients would co-operate. As a wise cook, you need to discover the reason that certain foods and spices don't go well together.Then be open to learning and really listening to how the change would benefit the entire meal. Maybe you need garlic instead of cinnamon ? Then taste it to see if that made the difference. Is that better? Ah, job well done! Now the stew is perfect!

Are you a good cook?

Happy Health Update!

Today was my 6 month check up with Dr. B, my pcp, to follow up on my blood pressure. I have been on medication for about a year now and hopefully once my blood pressure is completely under control, I can go off the medication.

Dr. B was very pleased with the numbers although I am still not where he needs me to be. He said it is much lower than it was last year and hopefully in 4 months, I can be finished with this medication completely. I was very excited to tell him that I had been walking Lillianna to school 3-4 mornings a week which is a 30 minute trip because he encouraged me to exercise at my last visit. Then I gave him the big news.......I lost 30 pounds.

He nearly fell off his spinning stool when I told him that. His face lit up and he said, "That is fantastic. Congratulations!!" We spoke a bit more and I told him I feel healthier and happier and definitely more energetic than I did before. As I was leaving he shook my hand over and over as he said with a big smile, "You have done a great job, just great! What a good example you are for your daughter. The two of you walking together is fantastic! Keep up the good work."

I left his office feeling like I could fly. I realized I did feel wonderful and proud of myself too.
Today is a really lovely day!

Lesson learned

Well, here is my assignment from Jay at The Zero Boss
For this Blogging for Books, write about a time you were pushed to the brink of insanity (figuratively or literally), and how you lived to tell the tale.

Lesson Learned

I walked with apprehension into the spacious communal dining room of the Kibbutz to begin my first morning of work in the kitchen. I looked around hopefully for a familiar face. People were rushing back and forth looking busy. I didn't recognize anyone and no one made any eye contact with me. I scanned the room again and noticed an Israeli guy, 6'4", dark and serious, looking straight at me. His stare was frightening but I couldn't look away. He slowly walked towards me and gave me a curt, "Hello," as he nodded his head.

I had never heard such a deep and sexy voice in a guy my own age before. He was unlike the boys back home, that was for sure. In that moment, I knew there was something special about him. Somehow we were going to be important to one another. I willed my brain to come up with the proper response to his greeting. I was proud when I managed to regain my composure and mutter, "Uhm, ya, hi!" He must have been dazzled by my brilliant command of the English language because he half laughed when he said, "Ah,..... you are American!"

We introduced ourselves. I told him I was 22 and had only been on the kibbutz for one week. Due to my severe hayfever I had been transfered out of the cotton fields and into the air- conditioned kitchen. Ofer was 20 and he spent 6 months on the kibbutz and then 6 months in the army until his 4 year of army duty was completed. He had just arrived for another 6 month stay on the kibbutz so I would be seeing a lot more of him over the next few months. That was just what I wanted to hear. Ofer escorted me to the kitchen. With a wave and a wink he said softly, "I will see you later." Later seemed like forever and I wanted to rush after him and say "Please don't leave me. I just found you!" But we both had our jobs to do.

I worked in a haze of dreams and Air Supply love songs that first morning. I wanted another chance just to look at him, talk to him, be with him. I was assigned to work with Nourit who was in Ofer's army group. Once I found out that tid-bit of news I tried to casually pump her for more information about him. Who was he? What was he really about? Nourit looked at me with pity in her eyes as she said, "He is no good. You need to keep away from him. He will hurt you. How you say in English......F****** Asshole!"

I learned that Nourit and Ofer had dated for a few years. She had broken up with him but he never got over it and still continued to pursue her. She wanted nothing to do with him. Why didn't I listen to her? Why was I so sure that I knew more about what Ofer needed and wanted than the girl who had dated him? I thought, 'She just doesn't understand him. I am very kind and sympathetic. He needs me! I will be so good for him.'

For the next three months Ofer played a cat and mouse game with me.
On the "good days", Ofer would catch my eye as I entered the dining room for our morning break and wave me over to sit with him. We would talk and laugh and get to know one another. He would tell me how pretty I looked or how sweet I was or how happy he was that we were spending time together. I knew he felt what I was feeling. I could see it in his eyes and in his smile when he allowed himself to relax and be happy. After work he would sit outside his room and wait to see if I would walk by. He would call me over to have coffee and listen to the Israeli music that he knew I loved. We would listen for hours as he patiently translated the music into English so that I could truly appreciate it. He flirted outrageously with me and I flirted right back. Even though I was quite innocent at 22, I didn't mind the flirting. In fact, I enjoyed it. He made me feel so special when we were together. He would hold my hand and look deeply into my eyes and my stomach would flip. What a wonderful feeling that was.

On those "good days" I would look in the mirror and think I looked beautiful. My eyes were bluer, my smile was brighter, my hair was prettier. Ofer made me feel cherished. It was a new feeling and it made me feel so free.

On the "bad days", he would make sure that I saw him looking at me and then spin on his heels and walk away without a backward glance. That always meant no acknowledgement from him at break time either. That was the time that he would surround himself with his friends and completely ignore me. Once I got my morning snub I knew what to expect, but, it still hurt deeply when it happened. I was always surprised when the scenario didn't change and I wondered why I continued to put myself through this. I couldn't understand why he would try to hurt me. It didn't make any sense at all.

On these days I would look in the mirror and see a hag. Of course Ofer ignored me today. I was ugly and dull. Who would want to spend time with someone like that? I would lie on my bed, punch the pillow until my hands were sore and cry for hours. I would think up ways to change myself so that I would be prettier and sweeter and a good candidate to be his girlfriend.

One day Ofer saw me walking with a Danish volunteer named Anna. The following morning he asked me what I thought of her. I told her, "Well, I guess she is ok but there is something I don't really like about her. Why?" He said he was just curious. That evening Anna asked me if she could borrow one of my favorite shirts and my perfume. I said she could and then asked her why. "Oh, this boy asked me to go into town with him tonight. Do you know this boy......Ofer?"

My knees had a mind of their own as they buckled underneath me. I grabbed the railing and sat down on the steps. I couldn't catch my breath. Anna looked at me and smiled, "Are you ok?" No I wasn't ok. What the hell was going on? It wasn't enough that Ofer was playing some mind game with me every day of my life? Now he was going to date someone he didn't even know and who I told him I didn't like? Was he just sitting with his friends dreaming up daily ways to torture me? And if so, for what reason? I didn't like Anna before this happened but now I hated her and wondered if she was in on it all along. Was she pretending to act casual about all this just to torment me too? How many people were plotting against me? I started to become paranoid.

I stumbled to my room and fell to the floor. I grabbed the bedspread and hung on for dear life. I sobbed for the rest of the night. I couldn't understand this. It must have been a mistake. He couldn't be taking Anna out on a date! He liked me! What was all this about?

The next morning brought new hope because I was so sure that Ofer would offer some type of explanation or apology about his date with Anna. I walked into the dining room and I could see that he was waiting for me. I looked at him and willed him to say something first. He made a tsk tsk sound, shook his head and said,
"Poor little girl without a thought of her own."
I spun around to face him. I was suddenly consumed with rage.
"What the hell are you talking about, Ofer?" I demanded.
"I'm talking about you!"
"What do you mean that I don't have a thought of my own? Of course I do, you moron!"
"No. You don't. You think what I want you to think."
"That is absolutely a lie and you know it!"
"No it isn't. Think about it. When I want you to be happy I talk to you and smile at you and make you feel special. I make you believe that you could be my girlfriend. When I want you to be sad I ignore you and I date a girl who means nothing to me just because I know it will hurt you.You feel whatever I choose for you to feel. I control all your feelings!

I wanted to argue with him but he was right. I had given him permission to manipulate me. The craziness had to end at that moment. I deserved to be treated with kindness and respect not be controlled by Ofer, the master puppeteer! How did I get myself into this type of situation? Was I so insecure that I needed some guy to validate my very existence?

I closed my eyes to hold back the tears. I took a deep breath and slowly walked away. Ofer was cruel for doing that to me but I was even more at fault for allowing him to have that much control over my feelings and my life. He taught me that sometimes people are hurtful, spiteful and downright cruel just for the pleasure of seeing someone else in pain. I made a promise to myself that I would never give anyone that kind of control again. I realized that the only person responsible for my happiness was me! Over the past 19 years, that realization has served me well. Lesson learned!

Why?

Explaining a public service announcement about racism to Lillianna was not easy for me to do. You can read about it at DotMoms.

4:59 am........Happy Birthday, Lillianna

Lillianna came into our room last night at 12:20am and couldn't sleep. I was in bed so she cuddled in with me. Rich was busy on the computer playing Scrabble Blast. I rubbed her head and told her that 7 years ago at that moment I was so busy huffing and puffing, I could've blown a house down! She giggled. Is there anything better than the sound of a giggling child?

My alarm went off at 4:30am and I realized that Rich had left Lillianna in our bed and he went off to sleep in her bed. I jumped in the shower, got dressed and checked the clock. It was 4:56am.....4:57am..... at 4:58am I snuggled beside Lillianna and whispered in her ear,"One minute until it's your birthday." She grumbled, "Ya, right mom, whatever." I waited and watched the clock, "It's almost here....just a few more seconds." Lillianna opened her eyes and stared at the clock with me.......4:59am, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LILLIANNA! Oh my gosh. You're seven!!" Lillianna smiled and said, "Wow! I'm seven!" With my hair still wet from the shower (I couldn't take the time to dry it. I was too excited about the presents!) I asked, "Are you ready for your birthday basket?" She said, "Ya ya ya ya!"

I scooped up her birthday basket and had her sit on the bed. Rich groaned. I tried to explain my enthusiasm to my exhausted husband, "Sweetie. I know it's early but I couldn't wait til 5:30am so I woke Lillianna up at 4:59am since that's her official birthday......Rich?.......Rich?.......Can you wake up a minute?" Rich opened one eye which he shielded with this hand. "Huh?"
I said, "It's time for Lillianna to open her birthday basket. Can you wake up, please?"

Rich managed to pry both eyes open as Lillianna opened her presents. He groaned in pain with every flash of the camera. Lillianna was thrilled with all her gifts. "Ok, now we are going in the living room and you stay here til we call you," I said to my excited 7 year old.
I looked at Rich. "You come with me in the living room." Rich got up and grabbed for his t-shirt that was on the end of the bed. "It's not formal. Just get in there already," I laughed. Rich stumbled out of Lillianna's room and into our bedroom. I suppressed my laughter as I helped him, "No no honey. The living room. That's over there."

I sat in the rocking chair as Rich plopped onto the couch. "Ok, Lillianna, come on in!" I called.
She walked in and spotted her doll furniture. Her eyes popped out and her mouth dropped open. "MOM! Oh my gosh!!! Thank you!!!!!" She rain to her armoire and desk and chair set for her American Girl doll, Samantha. She had quite a lot of energy at 5:10am! That's my girl!

She hugged us and thanked us and ran to get Samantha's clothes so that she could hang them up in the armoire. Rich looked like he went to an all night keg party. Considering the fact that he doesn't drink any alcohol made this seem quite amusing....to me. I told Rich it was ok for him to return to bed. He obediently staggered to the bedroom.

I packed my lunch, got my belongings together, poured a bowl of cereal with milk for the birthday girl and kissed her good bye.

What fun things do you do on your child's birthday?

'Twas the night before her birthday......

I am so excited. How will I ever get to sleep tonight? I got home from work at 10:45pm and I put the final ribbons on Lillianna's birthday presents. How can she sleep so peacefully when it is only 5 1/2 hours until her birthday? Doesn't she know how excited I am?

Every year I fill her birthday basket and leave it in her room so that it is the first thing she sees when she wakes up on her birthday morning. This basket is filled with wonderful small presents that I know she is going to love. Her two big presents are in the living room with purple and pink bows attached to them. She is getting an armoire and school desk for Samantha. I can't wait until she sees it.

Here's the tricky part. I have to leave the house at 6:15am tomorrow morning to get to work. Lillianna said she couldn't wait until 4:15pm to open everything when I get home in the afternoon so I am going to wake her up at 5:30am so that she can open her presents before I leave. Well, she was born at 4:59am so that sounds about right to me.

Happy 7th Birthday to our precious, funny child.
We love you Lillianna!!

Rescue Me!

Rich and I woke up at 6:00am this morning to clean up for Lillianna's birthday sleep over tonight. He cleaned the kitchen for an hour until it sparkled. Rich stood with his mop at his side and proudly proclaimed, "The floor is so clean that you can walk on it without your feet getting stuck!" Ah, now that's clean.

When he left at 9:00am to go to work, I looked around the apartment. What was I thinking????? There was no way that I could do this by myself. I needed a plan. I immediately ran to the phone and called Kristy. I told her my situation. She said,"Let me jump in the shower and I will be right over." Ya just gotta love a friend like that. Half an hour later she was at my door and ready to work.

We put the goody bags together. We wrapped Lillianna's presents. I made cupcakes while Kristy vacuumed every inch of this place. If you have a friend that enjoys vacuuming for you then you are one lucky person! When the cupcakes were done and every rug was clean, we decorated the dining room and living room with Kim Possible streamers. Ok, Kristy hung the streamers and I occasionally handed her a piece of tape. She had everything down to a science anyway. I think I was just in the way.

By 12:20pm we were done. Finished! It was amazing. Kristy whipped through here like a tornado but she took all the chaos with her instead of leaving it behind. Our apartment has never looked so good. It didn't look this clean when we moved in. That's how Kristy is. She is an organizer. I feel truly blessed to have her in my life. Not just because she totally saved my butt today but because we have been able to depend on one another for the past 14 years. We don't make excuses as to why we can't help. We don't even think of that. We just ask, "What do you need?" and then we do it. I love that!

To Kristy I want to say, "Thank you so very much for all you did. Lillianna thought the cleaning fairies appeared while she was at school. She loved her room. She laughed when she saw her Princess bandana on her stuffed cat, just like you knew she would. You will never know how much I appreciated all your effort today. I could never have done this without you!"
Who can you count on to help you in a situation like this?

The Mayonnaise Jar

My dear friend Karen sent this to me and I thought I would post it to share with everyone. Karen and I met in Israel in 1985 and by some miracle we have managed to keep in touch for the past 19 years. She lives in England with her husband and 2 children and they are planning to move to Canada next year. At least we will be on the same continent then.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed."Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, " I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life."

"The golf balls are the important things-your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions-things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.The sand is everything else-the small stuff.If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner.Play another 18.There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

"One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Have a great day!

And the rain pours down

September 29, 1987.........Today marks seventeen years since my dad died. Why does it seem like only yesterday? Trauma is odd like that. I think either you block it all out or remember every single painful detail.

As I look out the window, all I can see is the grayness between the raindrops as they hit the ground. I feel gray today. Just blah and sad that I have lived without my father for the past 17 years. It surprises me how quickly the tears fall whenver I think about him even after all this time.

I love you and miss you, Daddy!

My Bad Blind Date Experience

This is the story of "my bad spice rack/blind date experience"

When I was about 27, my mom's friend fixed me up on a blind date with her neighbor's son. I should've known it was bad at that point. He was a pharmacist (I was thinking, Oh he has a good job.Ok. Probably a geek with a pocket protector though.)We talked on the phone to make a lunch date on a Saturday. I drove to his apartment to meet him. Oh what a surprise when he had a pocket protector in his shirt. How do such things become a stereotype? Hmmm, I wonder.

So we went out to lunch and he proceeded to tell me how his mother had been cheating on his father with a neighbor (my mom's friend???? who the hell knows? who cares? I was already asleep in my salad at this point.) He talked so damn fast. A conversation looked like this. Picture a poodle on speed when you string all this yipping together.

"So my muthah, ya know my muthah,she was like goin out all the time, ya out, and like my fathah was like wantin ta know where she like was and so he goes and follows her but like my sistah, ya my sistah she like didn't know like why he was following her and like I was so pissed, you know pissed about this whole thing so I like yelled at my muthah......."

At that point I was so willing to go to the bathroom and never come back but damn didn't we come in ONE car!! After lunch we went back to his apartment and he said "Come into the kitchen. I like totally want you to meet my spice rack." Meet his spice rack? I have my own spice rack. It's a rack. With spices. Uh huh. Did I have to meet the stove and dishwasher too?

So he leads me into his microscopic kitchen and stops in front of the spice rack. "Ya know before I got this spice rack when a recipe called for tarragon or basil or garlic I just left it out cuz I didn't have it and it tasted bland you know bland? but now that I have the spices whenever a recipe calls for a spice I can like put it in and you know it tastes good now. So here is my spice rack....this is Thyme, Tarragon, Celery Seed, Basil.............." where is the steak knife? I need to kill this dork boy!! When that torture was over I was just about to end it with a mad rush to the door when he took me by the hand to sit on his naugahyde couch. Ya you read it correctly...NAUGAHYDE!!!!!!!

"Guess how much I paid for this at B'nai B'rith" (Oh did I have to mention he was Jewish or did you get that on your own?????????) Then he starts in ..."Guess, go ahead and guess just take a guess how much, how much,how much do you think I paid?? Just try...try to guess go ahead." I looked at this pitiful crappy couch and said, "Uhm...$25??" He almost slid right off the couch!"$25??????$25?????? Are you crazy???? It cost me $200 and THAT was a good bargain. $25? You don't know anything!!"

I thought,"Ya well I know you are a loser and my mother's friend is SO DEAD!!!!!!!!!!! Who thought this guy was interesting??????" So FINALLY I said it was getting late and it was the first night of Chanukah and I needed to light the candles with my family. He walked me to my car and asked, "Can I kiss you?" Please give me a round of applause for not laughing out loud and spitting on him. I said, "Oh gosh darn it ...I have a strict policy of not kissing on the first date. Bye!" and off I went!

You know the feeling when you have to pee really really bad but you're not near a bathroom and then you finally can get to a bathroom and the relief is indescribable??? That's how I felt driving away!

Did you ever have a really bad blind date?

More visits to the nurse

Lillianna has been to the school nurse several times this year and she has only been in school 4 weeks. Last year her visits were mostly for wiggly teeth and Mrs. A would take a look at the hanging tooth and offer to pull it. Lillianna always declined. I think she went for reassurance.

A few times last year she went because she "didn't feel right". Once it was due to eating fruit and milk at lunch. It just didn't agree with her. A trip to the bathroom at home fixed the problem. When I hear the reasons she is running to the nurse, sometimes I worry about her. She doesn't seem to complain as much at home. I am a very compassionate mother so I don't think she is looking for the attention in school that she doesn't get at home. She gets all our attention. She is our only child!

The other day Mrs. A called because Lillianna fell off the bars at recess. That, at least, was a good reason for going. This morning Rich told me that Lillianna went to the nurse again yesterday. I was stunned. "For what, now?" I asked. Rich said,"To loosen her ponytail elastic."
I almost fell over. I saved this discussion for the drive to school. Lillianna explained she went to the nurse for a headache and Mrs. A loosened her pony tail and she felt better! It was a miracle! It reminded me of all those bad "Mommy Mommy my ponytails are too tight" jokes from my childhood. Couldn't her teacher have loosened the elastic? Did it really require a trip to the nurse.....again?

I gave Lillianna a speech about The Boy Who Cried Wolf,Hypochondria and Munchausen By Proxy Syndrome. I threw the last one in just because the chat on hypochondria reminded me of it. Basically I tried to focus on the boy and wolf story so that if she actually has a medical problem she will be taken seriously. I ended it by saying, "Because after a while your teacher may not believe you and what if you are really sick and you throw up in class?" Lillianna didn't miss a beat when she anwered, "Well if I do throw up in class, I hope it's on a boy."
I think I got my point across......didn't I?

Phone call from school

At 11:30am this morning I got a phone call.
"Hello Mrs. P. This is Mrs. A the school nurse."

(Deep breath...it's probably just another wiggly tooth.)

"Is Lillianna ok?" I ask calmly

"Yes, she's fine. She fell off the bars at recess and she got the wind knocked out of her. She landed in the soft sand and she scraped her elbow but I checked her for bumps and bruises and she's ok. Would you like to speak to her?"

I said I would. Lillianna got on the phone.

"Hi Mom! I'm ok."

I asked her if she wanted me to pick her up or stay the last 2 hours of school. She said she'd stay even though her back and elbow hurt. She sounded surprised that she fell but she didn't seem concerned about her injuries.

When I picked her up at school at 2:00pm she seemed just fine. I was kind of surprised that this didn't bother me that much except for the initial feeling of dread when I found out the school nurse was calling me. I don't want to make a big deal of out these things because then every little thing will become a theatrical event.

She went to dancing school this afternoon without any difficulty at all. She did complain of some elbow pain after dinner and a few minutes with an ice pack seemed to relieve that problem. I tucked her into bed and she fell asleep almost immediately. All is well.

Have your kids had accidents at school? How did you react?

Today I wore a sweatshirt

I suppose that doesn't sound like such a big deal but for those who know me in "real life" you know that is quite an amazing statement since I am always hot. Well, not hot as in "Wow, she's one hot mama!" but hot as in, "Holy moly!!! Someone put the a/c on in here before you have to call 911 and I am hospitalized for heat stroke!"

I drive my co-workers crazy some days because we are in a small room with one window and I am always sweating in that place. I wear short sleeves most of the year and I am still hot. Poor Bobbi, she is usually wrapped in a coat and blanket when we work together because I am not satisfied until I make it cold enough to snow. She will approach my desk with her blue lips and chattering teeth and ask sweetly, "Do you mind if I turn the heat up a little bit?" I usually feel bad for causing her such discomfort and I reluctantly say, "Uhm, ok." As she passes my desk she says, "Feel how cold my hands are." I reach out and hold her hand as her eyes open wide in surprise. In her southern drawl she exclaims,"Damn! Your hands are HOT!"

When I took Lillianna to school this morning I put on my zippered sweatshirt. As we got in the car she said, "Mom, please, no air conditioner this morning, ok?" I answered, "Here's a helpful tip. If Mommy is wearing a sweatshirt...it's cold out! There is definitely no air condtioner today!"
When Rich was getting ready to leave this morning he asked, "Is it cold out?" I replied, "I wore a sweatshirt." No more explanation was needed. He grabbed a jacket.

Are you a hot or cold person?

So much whine and no one to share it with.

I would whine loudly today if I could talk! It seems that the little cold Lillianna caught in school and decided to share with me has created a bad case of laryngitis. My famous post nasal drip has made a comeback. It went on retreat five months ago and I haven't missed it one bit. Now my throat is irritated from the drip and I can't talk and I can barely swallow. I had to cancel my dentist appointment for 9:00am today since I can't recline or I will cough. I waited three months for that appointment and I really needed to go today. I left a message on their answering machine at 7:30am but when I was done Lillianna asked, "Do you think they could hear you?" I wasn't sure so I just had Rich call back and leave a new message at 8:50am to make sure they got the first one. Luckily I can rest and relax today. Tomorrow is another story.

I am supposed to work from 7:45am-5:00pm tomorrow and if I can't talk then I can't work.My whole day consists of talking to patients and doing eye exams. It is especially hard with the elderly who have hearing loss. Hearing loss plus laryngitis equals huge frustration. Since I am per diem I have no benefits which means no work, no money. I am in a panic over the possibility of not being able to work tomorrow.

Usually this illness which I get 4-6 times per year lasts for 7-10 days. The last time I had this it somehow turned into pneumonia and I was sick for 2 months. That was unbearable and frustrating. Everytime I went to the doctor he gave me new meds and nothing ever seemed to work except time and rest! That should be so simple to do but it isn't. I can definitely rest today but tomorrow.....sheesh.....what am I going to do?

I will keep drinking my tea and eating my home-made soup and hope for the best.

Well, I guess I can whine with laryngitis. Thank goodness for blogs!

Calling all mommies.....calling all mommies!

My dear friend, Cheryl, called me last Monday night to tell me the wonderful news. She is pregnant. Cheryl and Jeff will be married 3 years next month and this was a very planned pregnancy. They are very excited. I needed 3 tissues to get through this happy news. They are going to be the most wonderful parents.

I told Cheryl that for the most part, women will tell her all the horrors of pregnancy, birth and the first 18 years. I never understood this phenomenon but it happens time and time again. I have a different plan and here's why I need all the mommies I can find. I would like to share good experiences with her and I am hoping you can help. If you have a wonderful story or a special secret about your pregnancy or your baby's first few months then please share it with me and I will send them all to Cheryl. Also, what was the one thing you couldn't have survived without the first few months after your baby was born?

My secret confession is that when Lillianna was a newborn I couldn't wait for her to wake up every 2-4 hours for a feeding. Some nights I would miss her so much I would pace the hall waiting for her to realize it was time to get up!! I loved waking up to feed her ,change her and snuggle her until she fell asleep again. I actually slept more during that time than I do now.

The item I couldn't live without was cloth diapers that were worn over the shoulder for burping time. Loved them!

Thanks for your help!

Sisters!

Kara took Lillianna apple picking with Peter and his daughters, Lena and Bella today. Lillianna started to get a bad cold (sore throat, runny/stuffy nose and cough) on Thursday. Last night when I spoke to her from work she sounded quite congested and I didn't want her to go apple picking today since there was a torrential downpour last night and I figured the orchards would be sopping wet. I left it up to Rich and Kara to decide. Guess what they decided?

I am very happy that Kara loves Lillianna and enjoys being with her. She includes her in every fun activity she does with Lena and Bella. Lillianna adores Kara. I just wish Kara and my mom took my concerns seriously. I found out that Rich fed Lillianna Dunkin Munchkins and orange juice for breakfast. She ate 3 apples while they were apple picking. At Peter's nephew's 1st birthday party Kara offered Lillianna a piece of pizza but when she declined, had no problem allowing her to eat a piece of cake. So basically she has eaten sugar today. Good way to help her immune system fight off this illness.

During dinner Lillianna said that she and Lena had run ahead in some maze at the orchard while Kara, Peter and Bella were in the middle of the maze. There were hundreds of people there. I am not happy with 2 little girls not being with grown ups. I just voiced my concern to my mom and she said in a snippy tone, "I wouldn't worry about it. She's fine isn't she?" Then I said I was upset that Kara didn't try to feed her. Mom said, "She didn't want to eat. What should we do, shove the food down her throat?" I said, "No but I would've said if she didn't eat a slice of pizza then no cake!" I just asked Lillianna and she said if that was her choice she would've eaten the pizza. They don't even try with her and then they make it out to be that I am insane and overly protective.

Sometimes it's frustrating to always have a different opinion than my family.

A nice thought for the day

A friend of mine sent this to me and I thought it was worth posting. I am the first one to say "I hate people" because sometimes they really drive me insane. I know I have to have more patience but it's been 41 years of trying and I am not sure if I have made any progress.
This little prayer gave me something to think about.

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed,disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, that the scary looking bum, beggingfor money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job)! is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enoughto share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.
UNKNOWN

Have a great day, everyone!

Breakfast chatter

Lillianna goes to school at 7:50am which leaves Rich and I, one hour to enjoy breakfast together before he has to leave for work. I would like to share today's conversation with you.


Me:(taking a bite of toast) Mmmm. This new bread that I bought yesterday is so yummy.

Rich:(looking curiously at my plate) Is that the bread you used to make my toast?

Me: Uhm, no. This is my expensive low carb bread.

Rich: (pretending to be outraged) Oh! Oh! So you get the expensive bread but I get the cheap stuff?? What's my bread made out of, wheat, mud and sticks?

Me: (laughing) No of course not but why waste my low carb bread on your toast?

Rich:(doing his best impression of me) I wouldn't even feed this bread to ducks but hey, let's feed this bread to Rich! Oh, why stop at the bread? What is the bacon? Squirrel? When you invite friends over and you are giving them breakfast and they reach for the wrong eggs do you say, "No wait stop. Don't eat those eggs. Those are the eggs I give Rich. I don't want to tell you what animal is in those eggs but if you saw what animal actually laid those eggs you wouldn't want to eat them. There are raccoons that wouldn't eat those eggs."

Me:(trying to point out what a good wife I am) I made you a nice bologna and cheese sandwich for lunch on a yummy fresh roll.

Rich:(glaring at me) Well we all know what's in bologna, lips and ass! And the cheese isn't actually cheese,it's just something you found wrapped in foil in the fridge and thought, "Hey, I'll slice this up into squares and throw it on a sandwich. It's not moving so if I cut it really fast it probably won't bleed much, whatever it is. And the mustard, well, it's not really mustard. It's old mayonnaise that I left out to curdle but after I added paprika for color it looked like mustard. Rich is so stupid, he'll never know the difference!"

At this point I couldn't even stop laughing. Finally I said,"You know I take good care of you and give you the best of everything." Rich said, "Ya, I know."

How was your breakfast this morning?

Sweet Traditions

You can read this post at DotMoms. L'shanah tovah to everyone. Let's hope we all have a sweet new year!

A joke

My friend Karen sent me this joke and I laughed so hard I decided to post this.

My Girlfriend's Family

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age,wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to
overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: "Always keep your condoms in your car."

Common sense in the supermarket

This is to the mother in the supermarket with her 5 or 6 year old son yesterday.

What the hell were you thinking? We were all standing at the deli counter waiting for our number to be called. Yes, it was a bit more crowded than usual. I held #56 and #50 was being served when I got there. It was 4:30pm on a Sunday afternoon and perhaps you had an extremely stressful day with your children. That is still no reason to allow your son to do whatever he wanted while you waited to order your deli. I know children are impatient. I am impatient too. You have to draw the line somewhere!

You saw him climb out from under the shopping cart where he was sitting and jump onto the bread rack in front of the deli counter. I watched as you helped him get his balance on those metal racks which displayed packaged sub rolls,onion rolls and party rolls. What made you think that the consumer would be happy with your son's foot print indented on each and every roll? I know that I enjoy fluffy rolls for my sandwiches not squashed rolls that are as flat as pita bread. If I want pita bread I just buy pita bread.

So he marched back and forth in front of you as if he were stomping grapes into wine and you said nothing. When you noticed several people glaring at you and then at your child you finally guided him back to the shopping cart. That's what it took to get you to stop this deplorable behavior? A few stares? Where is your common sense? Why haven't you taught him that this behavior is unacceptable? He was 5 or 6 years years old. He should have learned this 4 years ago. Don't you know that this is wrong? If this is what you allow him to do in public then I can't imagine what you permit him to do at home.

Here's a tip for you: jumping on the bread rack is not proper supermarket etiquette for you or your children!

A beautiful story

Rachel Ann had this link on her blog and I definitely thought it was worth posting here. If only we could put aside our differences and realize we are all people with families who just want to have a safe and happy life, maybe war wouldn't dictate our lives.

Where were you?

Tomorrow is September 11th as we are all well aware. Since I will be at work from 7:30am-9:30pm I decided to post tonight.

Whenever anything horrific happens, we are always able to recall where we were and what we were doing at that exact moment. The day my dad died I was wearing teal shoes. When I got the news from my uncle over the phone I screamed and then threw myself on the living room rug screaming hysterically and my right shoe went flying across the room. I can't look at anything teal without thinking of that moment.

On September 11, 2001 I was driving Lillianna to pre-school at 9am. I heard something on the radio but I couldn't comprehend what the news guy was saying. Something about a plane crash? I got out of the car and brought Lillianna into school. Some of the moms were talking in the hallway but we still weren't clear what had happened. When I got back into the car I turned up the radio and began to hear as the horror unfolded. I wanted to throw up. I needed to be with someone to try to process this news.

I drove to Kristy's house which was only 5 minutes away and we stood dazed in front of the tv watching the unbelievable happen. We couldn't even sit. Who could sit on a comfy couch as people were jumping out of buildings knowing they were plunging to their death? Out of all the things I had seen in my life this was the most tragic and outrageous. Kristy and I couldn't believe such a scheme could have been successfully orchestrated by anyone. Hate and envy are strong motivators and our enemies were well equipped with both.

Three years later and our country has survived and become stronger. We have lost our innocence thinking we were safe on our home turf. The enemy lives among us and befriends us under false pretenses in order to kill us. We are wiser, I think, and I hope this wisdom is enough to win the war against terrorism.

To all those who died on this day, I hope you are at peace. We thank you for your courage and strength as you looked death in the face and still tried to save others. You will never be forgotten.

Where were you on September 11th?

Five and a half hours...were does the time go?

Lillianna is in school every day from 7:55am-1:55pm. I leave to pick her up by 1:30pm so that leaves me five and a half hours to myself on a morning when I don't work.
Gosh, that seems like quite a lot of time, in theory. The reality is that it is now 11:08am and I feel like time is flying away too fast.

I ran to the supermarket as soon as I dropped Lillianna off at school. We were out of milk and no one bothered to tell me that yesterday when they used the last of it. I never drink milk so I rarely acknowledge the bulky bottle of moo juice on the top shelf unless it is my regular food shopping day. So, I went to the store for milk and bacon and came home to make breakfast.

Apparently Rich forgot to wake up while I was gone so at 8:15am I yelled, "You had better not still be in bed!" Rich staggered out of the bedroom sputtering, "I'm awake. I'm awake." (ya, right!) He plodded into the shower while I started breakfast and made his lunch.
Finally at 8:30am we sat down to eat breakfast. He kissed me good-bye and headed off to work at 9:00am.

I began to clean the kitchen then I stopped suddenly to check my email. Kind of like a cat when they stop and then dash into the next room for no reason at all. I just had to check the mail at that moment. Then I noticed it.....all the paperwork I had gathered on the ironing board so that I could go online and dispute Lillianna's bill from May that my insurance company refused to pay. Deep sigh. I scooped it all up and went online. More circles without an end and no resolution. I decided to write a letter instead. One hour later it was completed.

The phone rang and it was my mom. We chatted about having Rosh Hashana at her house next week. I told her I had to figure out Lillianna's birthday party plans by tomorrow when I get the invitations. I am trying to plan this on a weekend but I don't want to take time off of both jobs on a Saturday so I want to have the sleepover on Friday night. That way I can still make it to my other job at 1:00pm.

I got off the phone and called Papa Gino's. That is where Lil's party was last year before the sleepover. That's what she wants this year too. I was told that they only do kid's parties on Saturdays and Sundays. Ouch! My brain began to throb! Now what? Think! Think!

Then I called her pediatrician to schedule a well visit. That was easy. We go next Monday and no shots for a 7 year check up! Thank goodness!

Now time is a ticking....it's 11:27am. I am almost done with this post and then I am off to straighten up for one hour,mark all new appointments down on my calendar, make my lunch, eat, pack up dinner for work and get Lillianna at school and then drop her off at my mom's so that I can be at work by 3:30pm.

Five and a half hours.........shot to hell!

The cave (a story from long ago)

I originally wrote the following story on June 5, 1992.After several bad relationships I thought I had finally met "the one." When he decided to dump me because I didn't golf (ya right..that's guy code for "I am too shallow to tell you the truth{whatever the hell it may be} so I will make up some crap and hope you buy it. I don't want to date you but I don't want to be the bad guy either so....I will just lie and hope it works.") I felt like I needed to put my confusion and fear of starting over into a story. The result was this inspirational tale called "The Cave." I hope you enjoy it.
The Cave

"Enter into the cave," the voice said to her.

"But I am afraid," she replied.

"How will you find the hidden treasure if you don't take a chance?" the voice challenged her.

"But the last time I went into the cave I was attacked by a bear. I almost died. The time before that I was bitten by a snake." she explained.

"This is a different cave. Go in. Take a chance." the voice urged her.

"I'm so scared," she cried.

"You'll never get the treasure if you're scared. Don't you want to be happy?"

"Of course I want to be happy but what if the treasure isn't there or if I get attacked by a wild animal?"

"But what if the treasure IS there?"

She took a deep breath and cautiously entered the cave.
"Oh, it's quite bright in here. Usually is is very dark. I'm not so afraid now." she said calmly.

"I told you this was a different cave.You just had to believe." the voice explained.

"Yes, but it's always so difficult for me..........Oh look! The treasure! See how it sparkles? It is just so beautiful. I can't believe how wonderful all of this is. I've never been this happy.All my prayers have been answered. I'm so glad I took another chance and went into the cave again.
Thank you for inspiring me to have faith. Now I have everything!"

She was so content that she curled up next to her treasure and drifted into a glorious dream of the future. While she slept peacefully, free from fear at last, the bear returned and ate her!

A laugh for the day.

This quote was on Henry's blog over at Desert Raspberry.

If you sometimes feel a little useless, offended or depressed - always remember YOU were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions.

Doesn't that just make you laugh???

When life gives me lemons, I throw them at someone's head!

This post is for Blogging for books The subject this month is to write about a struggle to adapt to a major change in my life. This is my very first entry in this competition.

In June of 1985 I said good-bye to my mom, dad and 11 year old sister Kara as I headed toward the El Al terminal. I was 22 years old and I was heading to Israel for a three week stay on a kibbutz. There was always the option for me to stay longer but at that point I didn't know for sure. I had been going through a hard time personally and I just needed a break from reality for a while. The communal lifestyle of the kibbutz was the answer to most of the stress in my "real life" back in the U.S. Two weeks later, I called my mom and asked her to pack up my winter clothes and send them to me. I was staying.

Israel was wonderful. I loved everything about it: the food, the people, the history and especially the language. My heart soared with each and every melodious word. My big regret was that I didn't speak it fluently. After two years I decided to sign up for a six month intensive Hebrew course so that I could fulfill that dream. I had also decided that I wanted to work in a hotel in Tel Aviv. I had gone to college for hotel management and I was still interested in that career. How wonderful to combine my love of Israel with my dream job of managing a hotel. Everything seemed to be coming together.

At the end of August 1987 my mom called to tell me that the court case for the car accident I was in when I was 19 was finally going to trial. The lawyers wanted me home....now! I had two days to pack,try to postpone my Hebrew course until I came back and say good-bye to my boyfriend. Within 48 hours I was reluctantly on my way back to the United States. My plan was to return as soon as the trial was over. Hopefully, within four weeks.

While the lawyers tried to get it all together for the trial I enjoyed my visit with my family. I hadn't realized how much I missed them until we were all back together again. Nana and Papa lived with us too so it was a great reunion. No matter how independent I thought I was and how much I loved my friends and boyfriend in Israel, nothing compared to the love I shared with my family.

After dinner, on Monday, September 28th, the whole family gathered in the living room. I sat on my dad's lap,threw my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. I was suddenly overwhelmed with how much I had missed him. "I love you, Daddy," I said as I planted a few more kisses on each cheek. Nana laughed and asked jokingly, "What do you want from him?" I answered simply, "Nothing. I just love my father!"

The next day, September 29th, my father had a heart attack at work and died. He was 51 years old. My mom told me that I wouldn't be going back to Israel. I had to stay home and help her raise my 13 year old sister. I never questioned her. I just did what she needed me to do.
While the pain of daddy's death was still an open wound to my heart I had to plan a new life for myself. My life in Israel died along with my dad. My dream of speaking Hebrew and working in a hotel could never be pursued. My boyfriend and friends would have to be left behind. My life had to be exchanged for some uncertain future I didn't have any interest in discovering. I wanted my daddy back. I wanted my old life back. I wanted to go back to that time when my life was beautful and the possibilities for happiness were endless.

For the first month after daddy's death, I was a zombie. I cried all day, everyday. I couldn't believe that no matter how much I cried there were always more tears. I thought it was a miracle I didn't dehydrate from the crying. I couldn't figure out how to live. I wanted to run far away and forget that my life had been destroyed. How could my father die at the age of 51? It wasn't fair. I was sure it was a mistake. I begged and pleaded with God to bring my father back but if he had anything to say to me I wasn't listening. I was pissed at God anyway.

I am not the type of person who looks on the sunny side of life in a bad situation.It is more likely that I will assess the situation and immediately say, "There is no way this is going to work. I might as well give up!" The old saying, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" is too unrealistic for me. It is more than likely I will be pitching those lemons at someone's head!

Even as I looked for a job I don't think I realized I was never returning to Israel. My whole life was there. How could I be here? I cried for losing my dad and losing my dream. I didn't mean to be selfish. I knew my mom and sister were dealing with this loss too. I wanted to be helpful but I couldn't find a way to move past the pain.

Eventually I got a job and began accepting my new life. I didn't like it one bit but I knew it was what I had to do. My mom and sister needed me to be a functioning member of the family. I still cried every day, usually in the car, to and from work, but things began to fall into place once I stopped fighting the change. I like to think that my helping mom with Kara made being a single parent a little bit easier for her. I took pride in the things the three of us accomplished together. It was an extremely bumpy journey down the road to adulthood for me, but I arrived safely with only a few cuts and scrapes to my heart.

The Lion King on stage!

Today Lillianna and I went with mom, John, Kara(my sister),Peter(Kara's other half), Lena and Bella (Peter's daughters, ages 6 and 4 respectively), Linda (Peter's mom) and Tom (his step dad) to see The Lion King on stage in Boston. I wish I could describe how this show was done but alas, my writing skills are not up to snuff in that area. It was a phenomenal and mind boggling performance. The actors were a part of the animals and characters they portrayed and it was such an awesome experience all I can say is try to go see it if it comes your way.

This was the first time Lillianna had ever seen a professional musical and she loved it. She sat in between Lena and Bella so I was 3 seats away from her. We actually switched all our seats around when 3 tall women sat right in front of us and our small children couldn't see anymore.
Lillianna's laughter could be heard through out the theater. She was really amused by the comedic lines which were definitely more humorous on stage than in the animated movie. The famous Timon and Pumba lines:
"What's a motto?" "Nothing. What's a motto with you?" or "What's eatin' him?" "Nothing. He's at the top of the food chain." Lillianna laughed so hard I thought she would fall out of her seat.

Even now when I just read this to her she is in hysterical fits of laughter! I hope she doesn't snort milkshake out her nose....be careful, Lil!

I was hoping Lillianna would write about her experience today but all she had to say was, "The musical was a hit!" I guess that says it all!

Lying in the bed you made

Read this post over at DotMoms

Where did our neighbors go?

We live in a very large complex with over 500 apartments in it. I only know a handful of people here: the people that we always see at the pool and the moms of the kids from Lillianna's kindergarten class last year. Other than that I know a few people in my building but I rarely see any of them.

When *Ray and Deborah* moved in across the hall last year we were happy to have nice neighbors. Deborah was pregnant with their first child and she was very excited.
Whenver I bumped into Deborah we chatted for a while. She was very sweet and I enjoyed talking to her. A couple of months ago I saw Ray in the vestibule getting his mail and he told me Deborah went into labor 5 weeks early and they had a baby daughter. He was absolutely thrilled to be a dad. I congratulated him and said I couldn't wait to see the baby.

Two weeks later I saw Ray again and he said Deborah was in the hospital after emergency gall bladder surgery. She almost died. When I saw her in the parking lot a month later she looked great and she had the baby with her. What a cutie pie.
Now that Deborah was home with the baby, Ray was the only one working. I would see him leave at 6am and I never knew what time he got home at night.Like the rest of us, they were doing the best they could.

The company that owns this complex doesn't care what situation we are in. Rent is due on the first of the month and that's that. If you don't like it: MOVE! I think that's their unofficial motto. A few months ago Rich had an unexpected car expense of $500 a few days before our rent was due. He needed the car to go to work to make money so we paid the car repair bill. When I paid the rent I enclosed a note explaining about the unexpected car emergency and paid most of the rent and said the balance would be paid the following week. That's just what I did. The very day it was paid I found an eviction notice in our door. The total amount was paid on the 8th of the month but apparently that was still cause for eviction.

I was livid! I sent a note to the office saying that even mortgage companies don't foreclose on a house for a payment being 7 days late! I explained why the payment was late and it had never been late before! I was not surprised when I didn't receive a reply. We weren't evicted and we never heard another word about it.

A few weeks ago I noticed an eviction notice in Deborah's door. With all that had been going on I could understand why her rent might have been late. Today we received a note in our monthly newsletter to all the tenants.
"We will be sending out late notices as a courtesy on the 5th of the month. If we still do not receive your rent by the 7th of the month, you will be receiving an eviction notice."

As Lillianna and I carried our groceries upstairs around 5pm this evening I smelled paint. Then I saw Deborah's door was propped open a little bit. I asked Rich about it when he got home. He looked in. It was completely empty! Our neighbors are gone. We never heard them move. They must have moved on Tuesday because that's the day we are both at work all day and Lillianna is with my mom after school. Wow! Gone!

I know business is business and we don't know the whole story but if they were evicted because their rent was late I think it's a shame. Sometimes you do have to listen to the reason why someone's rent is late. Having a baby 5 weeks early and then having emergency gall bladder surgery is certainly unexpected. I am tired of everything being so impersonal around here. Life is difficult at times. Sometimes you just have to care about people even if you are a large corporation.

I am feeling very sad about all of this and I just needed to vent. Thank goodness I have my blog!

{* I changed the names to my favorite "Everybody Loves Raymond" cast to protect our neighbor's privacy.}

I don't think I will sign that, thank-you

Lillianna came home yesterday with the emergency contact sheet that always gets sent to parents within the first week of school. It had the typical information: student's name and address, mother's name, address, home phone#, cell phone #, same thing for the father.
Then it will usually ask for 2 or 3 contacts in case the parents can't be reached. Someone we would trust to go pick Lillianna up and take care of her until we could get her.

This year it states:
"If my child is ill and I am not available, please send him/her to person(s) listed below, by taxi, if necessary."
WHAT?????? My 6 1/2 year old daughter put in a taxi by herself, and sent to my friend Kristy who is 10 minutes away or to my sister Kara who works 1 hour away from Lillianna's school? Trust some unknown driver to safely deliver my sick child????? Are you insane?????? HELL NO! Don't you dare put my precious child in a vehicle and let her leave the school!

If she is seriously injured (G-d forbid) then send her by ambulance to the hospital but make sure someone reaches me or one of my relatives to meet Lillianna in the emergency room. I don't want her to be alone. Would you want your child to be alone?
I decided to fill in Kristy and Kara's name on my sheet with their phone numbers. I crossed out the part about the taxi and beneath it I wrote: "You may call the people listed above but do NOT put my child in a taxi!!"

The final bit of insanity was the fine print on the bottom which stated: "I will not hold the ( name of school) district financially responsible for the emergency care and/or transportation for said child." Ya, well if you put my child in a taxi for a one hour drive which I am not authorizing , I am definitely holding the school district responsible.

Would you have signed this sheet?

Well, what do you know? I did it!

Well, I read the Hewlett Packard directions on the computer and I cleaned my printer. Yup, I sure did. Now it prints! It prints!

At least I got something accomplished this morning. Now I will attempt to put the laundry away. This is so weird to have time by myself. Lillianna is in school for 3 more hours. Tomorrow I will focus on writing. Today: cleaning!