Friday, September 17, 2004

Breakfast chatter

Lillianna goes to school at 7:50am which leaves Rich and I, one hour to enjoy breakfast together before he has to leave for work. I would like to share today's conversation with you.

Me:(taking a bite of toast) Mmmm. This new bread that I bought yesterday is so yummy.

Rich:(looking curiously at my plate) Is that the bread you used to make my toast?

Me: Uhm, no. This is my expensive low carb bread.

Rich: (pretending to be outraged) Oh! Oh! So you get the expensive bread but I get the cheap stuff?? What's my bread made out of, wheat, mud and sticks?

Me: (laughing) No of course not but why waste my low carb bread on your toast?

Rich:(doing his best impression of me) I wouldn't even feed this bread to ducks but hey, let's feed this bread to Rich! Oh, why stop at the bread? What is the bacon? Squirrel? When you invite friends over and you are giving them breakfast and they reach for the wrong eggs do you say, "No wait stop. Don't eat those eggs. Those are the eggs I give Rich. I don't want to tell you what animal is in those eggs but if you saw what animal actually laid those eggs you wouldn't want to eat them. There are raccoons that wouldn't eat those eggs."

Me:(trying to point out what a good wife I am) I made you a nice bologna and cheese sandwich for lunch on a yummy fresh roll.

Rich:(glaring at me) Well we all know what's in bologna, lips and ass! And the cheese isn't actually cheese,it's just something you found wrapped in foil in the fridge and thought, "Hey, I'll slice this up into squares and throw it on a sandwich. It's not moving so if I cut it really fast it probably won't bleed much, whatever it is. And the mustard, well, it's not really mustard. It's old mayonnaise that I left out to curdle but after I added paprika for color it looked like mustard. Rich is so stupid, he'll never know the difference!"

At this point I couldn't even stop laughing. Finally I said,"You know I take good care of you and give you the best of everything." Rich said, "Ya, I know."

How was your breakfast this morning?

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