What a bunch of losers

A chat about husbands prompted me to think about the losers I dated before I met Rich. I suppose in hindsight,the stories are kind of funny but believe me,while I was going through it I was less than amused!

Alan: I met Alan in Israel. I was 23.He was 19. I guess I've always had a thing for younger guys.He was blonde,cute and had a sexy English accent.He was also a wild child and I was a sweet and innocent flower.We lived together for 3 months which in "real life" as we called the world outside the kibbutz, would've been the equivalent of 3 years! At some point I suspected he was cheating on me so I confronted him.

His most memorable line was:"But I couldn't enjoy it because I knew you'd kill me if you found out!" Ah,poor boy!! My heart just broke for him,you know?
*************************************************************************************

Ari: My other love affair in Israel. Ari was the typical Israeli guy:opinionated,arrogant and condescending. We dated for 5 months.I was thin when I dated him but somehow he thought I was fat.He kept telling me I was gaining weight.
I stood in front of him with my hands of my hips (arms akimbo if you read romance novels...they always say that instead of hands on hips.Don't ask me why!)and I demanded he point out where this supposed fat was. He looked at me and said,"I do not know where......I just know it is there!"

His most memorable line was,"There was a man selling roses on my way to see you.I thought of buying some for you. But I didn't!" If you're going to be a thoughtless clod,keep it to yourself. Why hurt my feelings?????
*************************************************************************************

Rick: This was a really sad and pathetic story.My mom actually met him on a plane and she told him all about me. She gave him my phone number and one year later he called me! Ya,one year!!!! He called me at work. At that time I worked for an optical shop. He said he wanted to take me out after work for ice cream. He was one hour late. We went out and he was nice. He happened to mention that while in Boston where he worked,he saw one of our other offices and looked in the window where he saw an awesome eyeglass frame. Long story short:he used me to get a discount on glasses! That was our one and only date. After he picked up his glasses,I never heard from him again.
No memorable line! We only had that one date!!
*************************************************************************************

Brent: He was basically an experiment. I wanted to know if I could have a relationship with a guy I didn't actually love.Ya,well,I could but it wasn't very fun.I was 26 and he was 33.I should've known I was dating a loser when he admitted that his mom told him,"I pity the woman who marries you!" If your own mother thinks you're a dip-sh**,you pretty much are!!

His most memorable line was:"You should have a bag packed with a change of clothes at all times in case I want you to stay overnight!" (Ya,get real!)
*************************************************************************************

Brian: Ah,Brian. He was my biggest disappointment.We were both 30. We dated for a couple of months and had so much fun. I had never laughed so much in all my life.We liked all the same things. He was Jewish. Our families were similar.We just seemed to be going in the right direction.
After one particularly fun date I invited him to my sister's high school graduation party that we were having at our house in 2 weeks.He was going away on business but he'd be back in time. He said he wouldn't miss it. He never showed up.After 3 Pearl Harbors I got the nerve to call him. Yay,alcohol! After much hemming and hawing about why he didn't show up he finally said I was too easy to be with.Why couldn't he just tell the truth? This was clearly a lie!
His most memorable line was: I'm glad you called because I realized, in order to be happy,I really need a woman who plays golf."
*************************************************************************************

Stu: I was just about to end this post when I realized I forgot to add this psychotic moron to the mix. Wow,I must be good at repressing bad memories! Stu was the ugliest human I ever dated. My dear sweet mother fixed me up with him. She bumped into his parents who she knew from days gone by and next thing you know,I had a blind date with this guy!! When I met him,I was wishing my eye sight wasn't as good as it was. Eeeegads! What a mess! His teeth were all crammed into his ugly face.
I dated him for a month or two (no kissing,no nothing!!)and he played such head games. For such a loser he thought he was quite a catch! *gag* Why did I continue to date him? Sheer boredom,that's why!
I was really sick and tired of him and I knew this relationship,if you could be so bold as to call what we had a relationship,was heading nowhere. Who would want it to?
I asked him what the hell he wanted from me.

His most memorable line: "Just help me move into my new condo and then this can be over."
*************************************************************************************

After surviving all these unbelievably horrific relationships, I finally got my reward and met Rich. I suppose you can't appreciate a great guy until you date a lot of bad guys but I think I had more than my fair share. Thankfully,Rich was everything and more that these losers were not! I finally got my reward!

What is the worst romantic relationship you ever had?