Feeling Blah

It's not a new problem. I have complained about this before. Lately I have been wondering if I am depressed. Some days, all I want to do is sleep.I can't actually give into that temptation since I work and have Lillianna to take care of but the desire is there. If there is a chance to nap, I take it. I need it. I want it.

I watch my sister and Peter and they work really hard and they seem to be bursting with energy all of the time. They keep their house spotless. They don't go to bed unless everything is clean. If I lived by that motto I would never be in bed. As it is, I rarely sleep once I am in there. There is always more to clean,more to do and day by day, I have less and less energy or desire to do it.

I have heard questions of, "So, did you give up writing your blog,or what?" from many sources. No, I didn't give up writing but some days, I don't have the time or the energy to type a thought.

Today Kara had me look online at a house for sale. I suppose I could buy it if I could figure out how to bring in an additional $200 per month for the mortgage, plus over $2,000 a year in taxes. What is that....$400 more per month? I can't swing that. If I add any more hours into my work week I will keel over in a heap. As it is I can barely drag myself into the job I hate 3 mornings a week.

So, all in all, I just feel blah today.

Razzles

Do you remember Razzles? Rich recently purchased a package for Lillianna which got us to thinking about the old Razzles commercial. All I remember is, "First it's a candy. Then it's a gum....." (something comes after this and I think it ends up rhyming with fun?)

Rich started singing,
Razzles are zippy
Razzles are zappy
Razzles will make your whole mouth happy.

I had to remind him that that jingle was for Zarex!
So now we're stumped. What the heck was the jingle for Razzles?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

When I Grow Up

I found out this morning that one of my co-workers has a blog. It's called When I Grow Up. Please check it out and say hello!

Is it dinner time again?

Is it just me or are there other moms out there who are just sick of cooking dinner? Maybe I would enjoy it more if my family actually ate things that I liked but they are very simple folk, and cooking is a chore for me rather than something fun and interesting.

I can get away with "pizza night" on Mondays when Lillianna has hip-hop class because we don't get home until 7:15pm so pizza is easy.
I slip some Chinese take-out in every few weeks when we have a little extra money because that is a family favorite. What am I supposed to do for the rest of the time?

That leaves Tuesday,Wednesday and Friday for me to whip up some marvelous meal for dinner. (I work Thursday nights so Lillianna eats at my Mom's house and that is cereal night for Rich. Sundays I come home from work at 4:00pm so Rich usually cooks something.)

I have written about our meal dilemmas before but right now,I have to pick Lillianna up from her last day of school and then run to the supermarket for dinner fixins and I don't know what the heck to fix!!!!! It all seems boring to me. I don't even have the desire to come up with something creative.
Nothing sounds appealing. Rich always says that whatever I make is fine but I don't think I can even muster fine today.

How do you make meal planning a fun experience?

Look! They mentioned me!

I was just checking out DotMoms since Julie has been changing it around a bit and I came across media links that refer to us. I clicked on the Forbes link and I was stunned to see my name in there. They mentioned me! It's so cool. It's cooler than cool. It's even cooler than yesterday!!

I write for a cool website!!!

Julie, our DotMoms editor just sent this to all of us. It lists the 50 coolest websites. DotMoms is listed under Motherhood in the same paragraph as Dooce. I think that is pretty cool. Yay DotMoms!!!

I missed my blog anniversary

Apparently June 7th was my one year anniversary of having this blog.Time sure flies in blogland.I can't believe it's been a year. Well, at least it made me realize why I started my blog.
You can read my very first post here.

There's gotta be more to life

I always scoffed at people who proclaimed, "I'm trying to find myself." My usual sarcastic response was,"Try looking in the mirror.There you are!" I was younger then and didn't really understand what "finding myself" meant.

Over the past year I have struggled with what I want to be when I grow up. At 42, I guess I have to face the fact that I am grown up. So, what am I doing with my life? I know I am a good mother and wife and I am really proud of that. It is fulfilling to know that we are raising a wonderful child who is kind,caring and loving. Rich and I have worked hard to keep our marriage on the right path and I am grateful for that.Having a happy,loving family makes for a much happier life.....for all of us.

Still, there is something missing. I feel like my "get up and go" has got up and went. All the cliches that I hate are spinning in my head. What am I passionate about? How do I find my bliss? If I don't actually gag when I think of these questions maybe I could focus on what I want to do.

I'm not talking about giving up my job to pursue this other thing but I want to do something in addition to work. Something fulfilling. Something that will make my heart zing when I think of it. What it comes down to is this.......I want to write.
I love writing. I am passionate about it. I have to admit then there are times when I read one of my old posts and I think,"This is really great. Wow,I'm funny!"
Can I admit that? Oh well, I just did. I don't think every post is a winner but I am proud of my writing.

So what about the 3 children's books that I have written but have refused to send to a publisher? Now why did I have to go and bring those up? I am going to have to put on my big girl pants and just do it. Ya,ya, I know I said that a while back and I didn't do a darn thing about it. I did print out some publishers but so far.....they are just sitting in a drawer.According to the advice I got on a website about writing, I am supposed to research all the publishers to see who I can send my book to. How boring is that?

I hate rejection. I just hate it.I realize no one embraces rejection but I am not thick skinned enough to hear,"This book sucks!" from publisher after publisher. But if I don't send them out, I will never know,right? My new idea is a to write a book about soul mates. Oooooh a grown up book! Do I dare? If I write it, will I send it anywhere or will it sit in my drawer forever?

I am such a scaredy pants baby when it comes to this but how can I set a good example for Lillianna when I am afraid to follow my dream?

How do you follow your dream even when you are afraid?

Dads are funny people

Last night,somewhere in the middle of my sleep,Rich put Lillianna in bed beside me. I think he was still up watching t.v. at the time so I asked him what was going on. He told me that Lillianna had a tummy ache. I asked my daughter why she didn't feel well and she immediately pointed the finger at her father.

"Daddy let me eat junk today," she said accusingly.
I sighed. I only had a few hours of sleep before I had to get up and go back to work for 8 more hours. The last thing I wanted to deal with was a puking child in my bed.
"Don't you remember my popsicle story?" I asked. She said she didn't. I was stunned and amazed. The popsicle story is one of my favorite Daddy stories. In the olden days,when most dads were truly oblivious,I had a little incident with popsicles.

I was 5 or 6 years old when this story took place.Mom went out to play Mah Johng with her friends on this particular summer evening and Daddy was in charge of his one and only child.I went out to play with my friends but I got hot from running around. I ran up the 3 flights of stairs and asked Daddy if I could have a popsicle. He said,"Sure." Keep in mind,this was 1968 when popsicles were double the size they are now. Remember the ones with 2 sticks in them? So I ate my popsicle and ran upstairs again. I asked Daddy if I could have another popsicle. "Ya,sure," he said without a moment's hesitation.I grabbed a different flavor and went out to play again.

A few minutes later I asked for a third popsicle. Daddy said,"Ok." I knew there was no way that I was supposed to have three of them but he was in charge so I didn't question him. What kid would have?
A short time later, I got hungry. "Daddy, can you make me a can of spaghetti?" I asked hopefully. He opened the can of Franco-American and heated it up for me. I ate a huge plate of it and went outside again.

Not too long after that, I went up and asked for another popsicle. Guess what my Dad's answer was? Yup. You guessed it. I grabbed a popsicle as fast as I could and ran out the door before he changed his mind. Soon it became dark and we all went inside for the night. Suddenly, I had a tummy ache. Dad's advice? "Go to bed."

As soon as I tried to lay down,I felt worse so I sat up and played with my Colorforms until Mom came home.She stood in the doorway of my bedroom with her hands on her hips and asked "What are you doing up?"
Before I could answer......I threw up.....everywhere. It went across the room and landed at her feet. Mom examined the mess at her feet then she looked at my Dad who had now joined her in the doorway.
"Well, I see you fed her spaghetti! What else did you give her?" she demanded.

Dad didn't remember feeding me anything else,he explained.That's when Mom glared at me. "Uhm,I had a couple of popsicles," I said innocently.
"How many is a couple?" she asked. I paused so that I could count them up.
"I had four popsicles and a can of spaghetti," I admitted.

Mom just sighed and glared at Daddy. He shrugged and walked into the living room. I changed into fresh jammies while Mom cleaned up my mess then I went back to bed. From that point on, Mom always reminded Daddy not to let me eat as many popsicles as I wanted. She didn't have to waste her breath. I never tried that again.

So Happy Father's Day to all the dads who give their kids junk food til they puke and to all the dads who know better.


(To my dear husband,Rich,You're darn lucky Lillianna didn't throw up on me last night while you were safe and snug in her bed!! Since you're such a great husband and father, I won't hold that against you!!
I love you!!)

Mom and Dad's Rule Book

You can read my latest post over at Dotmoms.

Realistic expectations

I was talking to Lillianna's mother-in-law,Linda,the other day and she told me that she let's Zach and Samantha watch one hour of television per day.(Zach and Lillianna were married this school year. He and his sister Samantha are 7 years old.) Uhm,well,let's just say we let Lillianna watch quite a bit more than one hour per day. (Please don't call D.S.S. on us. I grew up watching t.v. all the time so I am pretty lenient in this area.)She also said that if they don't put their dishes in the sink or they leave clothes on their floor, she deducts 15 minutes from their t.v. time. With only an hour,a 15 minute loss is a lot.

This got me thinking. Sometimes I feel like I expect too much from Lillianna. Other times I feel like I don't expect enough. Granted, my mother made my bed until I was 15 years old but I never asked her to. She just did it because she was a neat freak. I am definitely not my mother. Lillianna has been making her own bed for 3 years. Sometimes she makes it by herself,other times she asks for help. There are always clothes piled on her floor. Sometimes I hang them all up when she is at school but usually I let her put the clothes on the hangers herself and then I put them in the closet. You can bet there are underwear and countless numbers of socks scattered around her room that should've made it to the hamper in my bedroom days before. It's starting to annoy me. I don't want to raise a thoughtless slob.

On the way to school this morning,I told her I was going to write a list for her that tells her how many minutes she will lose for each violation. If you know Lillianna, you will realize that this is actually something she is looking forward to. I have decided that she will lose 15 minutes for each pair of underwear,pair of socks,pajamas,books or toys that I find on the floor. I will subtract starting at her bedtime which is 8pm on school nights. If she has 2 pair of underwear,3 pairs of socks and 2 pajamas and one book on her floor then she will stop watching t.v. at 6:00pm. This is typically what is on her floor every day unless she picks them up. I am hoping that the thought of losing t.v. will compel her to pick up after herself.Since we will have a list, Rich will have to stick to this when I am at work.

How much t.v. do your children watch per day?
Do you expect them to clean up after themselves or do you do it for them?

When did things change?

When I was a kid,way back when,people didn't even pick up the newspaper in their front yard unless they were properly dressed. Maybe there was that crazy neighbor lady who snuck out in her housecoat and rollers in her hair and hoped no one was looking but that wasn't the norm. When people left the house, they looked respectable.

Yesterday, on my way to work, I saw a 20-something guy walk in front of my car dressed in my pajamas! He had on blue plaid Tweety flannel pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. I guess the fact that he was wearing shoes made that an outfit but when I bought those pants they were sold as pajamas! When did it become acceptable to prance around in jammies?

Many little girls would come home from school crying, "Bobby said he saw my underwear!" You can put any name in there, but the fact is, if someone saw your underwear,you were embarrassed. Friends might help you out and whisper to you, "I can see the band of your underwear. Pull your pants up." Oh, the gratitude of hearing that from a friend before others might snicker at the same thing. No one wanted to hear the endless sing songy chant of, "I can see your underwear. I can see your underwear....."
I remember playing kickball at my friend's house when suddenly one of the boys started taunting, "I see London. I see France. I see Martha's underpants!" Poor Martha. It was a rough day for her.

Now,it's cool and chic to show the world your unmentionables. Women wear their pants low on purpose so that you can see their thong underwear. I don't want to see someone's underwear. They are to be worn "under," get it? UNDER!
Guys are wearing their pants so that their boxers can be seen above their pants. They look like clowns without the big shoes. I think that is the most ridiculous look. If I were single and met up with a guy who was sporting this look I would try not to laugh and say, "Hey Doofus! Pick up your pants for goodness sake!"

Do you miss the good old days or have you changed with the times?

Making a sandwich

Yesterday morning I was running late. Instead of making lunch for Rich and leaving it in the refrigerator for him, I told him he would have to make his own lunch. I always feel guilty about this but I leave at 7am and he doesn't have to bring Lillianna to school until 8:20am and then he leaves for work at 9:00am.

I sat on the edge of the bed putting on my sneakers and explaining to Rich that I was running late.

Me: Sorry,honey but I didn't have time to make your lunch. Can you make your own sandwich?

Rich:(using his best "moron voice.") Uh,duh,uhm....first you put the bread down, then,uhm.....then you put a slice of ham on the bread....then a slice of cheeeeeeese,right? (he looked at me with a big goofy face.)....then you put another piece of ham and duh,uhm,uh then another piece of bread! Ta-da. Then you have a sandwich.
And then,you put it in a little plastic bag to keep it fresh. Duh, I can do that!!

I rolled my eyes at him after I stopped laughing and said,"Ok, then. Thanks."

When he came home from work last night I asked, "Did you make a sandwich for lunch?"
He answered, "No. I had $5 so I went to Burger King for lunch."

So, where does that leave us? Do you think he really knows how to make a sandwich?

On my mind

1) I know Michael Jackson was found to be "not guilty" of all the accusations but let's face it people....he's a freakin' psycho child molester. I don't know why they couldn't prove it in court except for the fact that most jurors didn't like one of the moms. They said she was annoying and pointed her finger at the jury and that pissed them off. Wonderful! Anyone who thought this was a fair trial is probably still rejoicing that O.J. was not guilty of killing his ex-wife and her friend.

2) The autopsy report on Terri Schiavo is in.....she wouldn't have gotten better with therapy or food. Duh! I already knew that!

3) What's up with the Aruba case? First of all, why were there so few chaperones for so many students? There is no way they couldn't kept the kids safe. No way at all.
For an intelligent girl, Natalee wasn't too bright if she separated from her group and went off with strangers. Maybe they abducted her but I bet she wanted one last party with some cute foreign boys and now she is dead! No matter what we say to our kids to keep them safe, they still do stupid things and end up dead.

I have a pounding headache due to PMS right now so sorry this is a pessimistic post but sometimes, life isn't fair and it just plain sucks!

Your Disney World Favorites

We have booked our Disney trip for the end of the year.This will be Lillianna's very first time there and it will be the second time for me and Rich. It will be our 11 year anniversary while we are there.

I have the Birnbaum's book and I will read it cover to cover within the next week.
I thought I would ask those of you in blog land.....if you have been to Disney recently, tell me the ride,attraction or restaurant you don't want us to miss when we go.

Thank you!

Dinner, anyone?

I just called Rich who is at my sister's house with Lillianna having a grand old time celebrating Lena's 7th birthday. When I asked Rich what Lillianna was eating for dinner, I didn't believe the answer he gave me. I had to speak to my mother to confirm this.

"What is my daughter eating?" I asked incredulously.

"She has a hot dog roll and you know, cheese things inside," my mother explained.

"What kind of cheese?" I questioned. (Lillianna doesn't eat cheese on it's own so this sounded doubtful.)

"You know,curled cheese," she said.

"You mean like cheese doodles?" I asked,hoping I had made a mistake.

"Ya, cheese doodles."

"My child is eating a cheese doodle sandwich?.....a cheese doodle sandwich?" I asked, half amused but slightly horrified.

"Ya. I'll get her to eat some fruit later," Mom reassured me.

"Uhm, okay," I said as I hung up the phone.

I suppose nutrition is a non-issue when a child is having fun.

What's the weirdest thing your child has eaten as a meal?

Me? On reality t.v.? I don't think so!

I received an email today from someone who works for Wife Swap. This person said she had read my blog and thought it was interesting and offered me the chance to apply to be on the show. When I got to work this evening,Bobbi said she had received the same email. This was probably sent out to every blogging mom on the planet but I wonder who would be interested in being on such a show.

There isn't one single reality t.v. show that I would be willing to appear on. I would absolutely never agree to switch lives with another woman for 10 days. First of all, it has taken Rich and I 11 years to finally get our act together. There is no way that I would allow someone to come in and mess that all up. Second of all, I would never let a stranger live with my daughter and start bossing her around. Hell no!

I find this whole concept to be absolutely bizarre. If you received this email, are you considering applying to be on the show? Why or why not?

The reason society is confused

Ambiguous messages are everywhere in our society. We are constantly bombarded with ads to exercise,take vitamins and eat healthy. They are always followed by commercials of fast food restaurants telling us that it is a bargain to "super size" our meal.A large French fry can now feed a family of 3 or you can just eat it all yourself! Eat smart or super size? Hmmmmmmm....let me think a minute and I'll get back to you.

Today I passed the ice cream stand that proudly boasts that it has a petting zoo. A petting zoo! Leads you to believe there are animals that you can ....oh,I don't know....pet? Well, when you go inside to the chicks and bunnies the large sign boldly states, "DO NOT PET THE ANIMALS!!!" Lillianna and I were very confused when we went a couple of years ago and we have never been back. I can not pet animals anywhere. What's my incentive to not pet them there?

Right before I got home this afternoon, I passed another odd sign.
"4th of July Fireworks on June 25th!" I know we interchange Independence Day with The 4th of July but the 4th of July is an actual day in a month and can't be switched with another day of the year.

And while I'm at it, why do restaurants and stores insist on spelling coming with 2 m's on their gigantic signs? Comming soon! How hard is that to spell?

I was particularly bitchy today so these things irked me. What do you hate about the signs you see?

The first lie

Well,it had to happen eventually,I guess. Lillianna told a lie. You can read all about it at DotMoms.

The downfall of the lollipop

When I was a child, Tootsie Roll Lollipops were all the rage. I think we all counted,at least once, how many licks it took to get to the center. Then Charms came out with bubblegum in the middle of their pops. What a bonus! Instead of reaching the center,getting a quick chew and then swallowing the tootsie roll, we got to chew our gum for a few minutes before it shrunk up to nothing and went stale.

Over the years,lollipops have changed. Flavors like grape,orange and raspberry are still around but they are probably not as popular as banana-berry-split,cotton candy,bubble gum and pina colada. I am in favor of new and improved flavors but there is one thing I disapprove of: new methods of eating a lollipop.

A few years ago,I was standing in the check out line in Wal-Mart when I noticed a display of motorized lollipops.Motorized lollipops! I picked one up, held it in my hand and gave it a good long look. I was stunned. With a push of a button, the pop would automatically twirl around in your mouth. I looked at the cashier and asked, "Are kids,nowadays,just too lazy to suck? Is this the kind of generation we are raising? It's not bad enough that there is a huge epidemic of obesity because kids over eat and don't exercise but now they can't even lick their own damn lollipop without help?" The cashier laughed and nodded in agreement.

I thought I had seen it all....until today.
Lillianna and I were in CVS picking up our film. While I was in line,Lillianna was browsing the candy selection. She picked up a pack of Jolly Ranchers and put them on the counter. Then she found something more interesting and brought it over for me to look at. CANDY SPRAY! Yes, you read that correctly. It's not one of those breath sprays to curb your appetite. This is a candy,marketed for kids,that is a spray.
Apparently chewing,sucking and swallowing has become too darn complicated for this generation. Now you can just spray a mist in your mouth and pretend you are eating candy. I told Lillianna she could have her Jolly Ranchers but NOT the candy spray. I refuse to raise someone without the basic skills to eat a lollipop.

This is truly a sad day in CandyLand for me.
Have you bought candy spray for your children?

Spicy sauce

Sunday night, Rich and Lillianna had dinner ready when I came home at 4:30pm. They fixed up a jar sauce by adding hamburger and sausage and put it over pasta. Rich usually throws a little garlic in for me because I like my sauce to be packed with flavor. Other than that he is kind of a salt and pepper guy.If I want more flavor, I have to add it myself.

I took my first bite of pasta and was amazed by the flavor. "Wow! This is some spicy sauce! It really has some kick to it!!" I exclaimed. Rich and Lillianna exchanged glances across the table. I looked at each of them and waited for whatever was coming.

"I think that's my fault," Rich confessed.

"Daddy let me help," Lillianna explained. "I think I put too much hot peppers in," she sad sadly as she looked down at her plate. (She was talking about the shaker of crushed red peppers that she shook one time too many.)

"Too much? You can never put too much hot peppers in anything! It's delicious," I said as I shoveled another forkful in my mouth.

Rich took a bite. "WOOOOOOO! This does have a kick to it.......but it's really good!"

I thanked Lillianna for helping to make such a delicious sauce. I just finished the left-overs for dinner tonight. YUM!!!

Thank you to my dear husband for making dinner so that I didn't have to and to my clever daughter for adding lots of spice to our life!!!!!

Did you ever make a cooking mistake that turned out not to be a mistake at all?