There's gotta be more to life

I always scoffed at people who proclaimed, "I'm trying to find myself." My usual sarcastic response was,"Try looking in the mirror.There you are!" I was younger then and didn't really understand what "finding myself" meant.

Over the past year I have struggled with what I want to be when I grow up. At 42, I guess I have to face the fact that I am grown up. So, what am I doing with my life? I know I am a good mother and wife and I am really proud of that. It is fulfilling to know that we are raising a wonderful child who is kind,caring and loving. Rich and I have worked hard to keep our marriage on the right path and I am grateful for that.Having a happy,loving family makes for a much happier life.....for all of us.

Still, there is something missing. I feel like my "get up and go" has got up and went. All the cliches that I hate are spinning in my head. What am I passionate about? How do I find my bliss? If I don't actually gag when I think of these questions maybe I could focus on what I want to do.

I'm not talking about giving up my job to pursue this other thing but I want to do something in addition to work. Something fulfilling. Something that will make my heart zing when I think of it. What it comes down to is this.......I want to write.
I love writing. I am passionate about it. I have to admit then there are times when I read one of my old posts and I think,"This is really great. Wow,I'm funny!"
Can I admit that? Oh well, I just did. I don't think every post is a winner but I am proud of my writing.

So what about the 3 children's books that I have written but have refused to send to a publisher? Now why did I have to go and bring those up? I am going to have to put on my big girl pants and just do it. Ya,ya, I know I said that a while back and I didn't do a darn thing about it. I did print out some publishers but so far.....they are just sitting in a drawer.According to the advice I got on a website about writing, I am supposed to research all the publishers to see who I can send my book to. How boring is that?

I hate rejection. I just hate it.I realize no one embraces rejection but I am not thick skinned enough to hear,"This book sucks!" from publisher after publisher. But if I don't send them out, I will never know,right? My new idea is a to write a book about soul mates. Oooooh a grown up book! Do I dare? If I write it, will I send it anywhere or will it sit in my drawer forever?

I am such a scaredy pants baby when it comes to this but how can I set a good example for Lillianna when I am afraid to follow my dream?

How do you follow your dream even when you are afraid?