Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Still missing Daddy

Last night Lillianna and I went to Kara's house to look at old pictures. I am trying to put a scrapbook together for mom's birthday in July so I am gathering all the wonderful memories that I can. It's still amazing to see me holding Kara when she first came home from the hospital. I was 11 1/2 when she was born. The early pictures really show the age difference.

We were fighting over who got to hold the loose pictures as we both looked through them. We were each trying to hold on so tightly to the past. The first picture we came to of Daddy stopped my heart. Then another and another. My heart aches every time I see his smiling face and twinkling eyes. He died when he was 51 of a heart attack. So sudden. So very unexpected. It will be 17 years in September since he passed away and yet every time I see a picture of him it brings me back to that horrible day when we got the news.

Over the years I have been able to cope with this loss as I have with the loss of my wonderful Nana and Papa. I have told Lillianna many stories of Charlie.My dad was a funny funny guy. He always had a smile and kind word for everyone. He did good deeds for people and never expected anything in return. Everyone who knew him, loved him.Whenever my parents were invited somewhere, their friends would ask, "Is Charlie going?" That would guarantee they all had a good time. Daddy always said, "You have to make your own good time." I was so proud that he was my father. My friends thought he was cool. He was so much fun to be around.

Last week, Kara's boyfriend Peter lost his beloved father. It was sudden and unexpected. Peter and his dad were the best of friends. My heart broke for his loss and then again for my loss. It always comes back to Daddy. No matter how much love I have in my life there will always be a part of me that is missing. The space only Daddy could fill.

1 comment:

emily said...

I can not imagine the loss of one of my parents.It's something I hope and pray is a long way off.I'm sorry you lost your wonderful father much to early.