It was just so out of character

It's Blogging For Books time at The Zero Boss and this is my first entry in months. Here are the rules:

Parents. Most of us have them. Some of us are them. Most of us have had "moments" with our parents that either marked a greater understanding in the parent-child relationship, or signified the beginning of the end of our interaction. Similarly, those of us with kids have often experienced turning points where, in a blinding flash of reality, we truly "got" what it meant to be a parent.

For this month's Blogging for Books, write about a pivotal point in your life as a parent, OR write about a pivotal point in your relationship with one of your parents.


My dad was the kind of guy that everyone loved.He had a warm smile and a twinkle in his eye and when he said,"It's good to see you," you knew he meant it. He loved to laugh and he did it often. All of my friends thought I was lucky to have such a funny dad and I always agreed. Some dads were so serious and grumpy looking but my dad always knew how to make people happy.

Dad enjoyed singing and dancing.He always had the stereo playing and he enjoyed singing dramatically with his booming voice. Oh,sometimes he didn't know the words and he just made them up but he sang with such conviction,he made me believe that his words were the right ones.I can still be heard singing,"Hang on Snoopy",or "They call me mello yellow,that's right slick!" It sounded good when he sang it and sometimes I slip up.

Daddy always took the time to listen to whatever was on my mind and he tried to give me advice, even if it wasn't the advice I wanted to hear at that moment. I appreciated the fact that he always had time for me. I knew I could talk to him about anything.He was such a laid back,easy going kind of guy. Nothing ever seemed to bother him.

The only thing Daddy didn't have patience for was foolishness. Not the happy-go-lucky kind of thing where you do something goofy. He was all for that. One year,he dressed in drag with some of the other dads for their dance number in my sister's recital. That was just good fun. The kind of foolishness where someone does something irritating or infuriating when it could've all been avoided was what made him angry.

When I was 14 years old, our family went on our annual vacation to Florida. We stayed in the same hotel each year and often dined with friends who took their vacation at the same time that we did.One night,it was a casual eating night,so we went to an area that had several restaurant choices in the same strip mall. Mom took my sister,Kara, to get a hot dog in one place while Dad and I went with his friends and their two children to get pizza.

For some reason, I had trouble deciding on what kind of pizza I wanted. I remember taking quite some time looking over the menu and still being torn between the salami or the pepper and onion pizza.Daddy was sitting directly across from me and his frown told me that I had to hurry up and make my decision already. When the waitress came over to our table,I was in a panic. I still didn't know what I wanted. Looking back,I have no idea why this was such a big deal to me. I liked both types of pizza and the decision should have been an easy one to make. But it wasn't.

After the waitress took everyone's order,she stopped in front of me. "Uhm...well....I think I will have a pepper and onion pizza and a root beer." As she marked that off and began to walk away I changed my mind. "Ah,excuse me, I think I would rather have the salami...no wait...." and before I could say another thing,Daddy stood up,glared at me and slapped me across the face.

At first I was too stunned to do anything. He slapped me! This kind,gentle man who wouldn't hurt a fly,slapped me. He had never hit me in my entire life. Oh sure,Mom gave me "the look" many times when I did something wrong,but Dad,he never did or said anything. I stood up slowly with tears and confusion in my eyes and looked helplessly at my dad.I blinked as if to wake myself up from this nightmare and walked out of the restaurant to where my mother was having dinner.

I walked in a trance past the stores advertising cheap t-shirts and suntan lotion until I found my mom. I looked into her eyes as tears blurred my own and said,"Mother...Father has struck me," and I turned and walked out without even waiting for her to respond. As I walked out of the front door of the restaurant,I could hear her calling my name but I never looked back. I could feel my tears splashing on my toes as they bounced off my sandals.

I crossed the busy highway and headed on foot towards our hotel which was down the street. I hoped that a speeding car would kill me when I crossed the dangerous road so that my father would feel bad. I was sad,hurt,humiliated and angry. What the hell had happened? Why did he slap me....just because I couldn't decide on a pizza?

When I finally reached our hotel, I decided to take a walk on the beach. I kept thinking,"If I get raped or killed now, Daddy will be really sorry that he slapped me!!" That was all that I kept thinking as I walked like a zombie on the cold, wet sand.

A few minutes later,Daddy found me on the beach. He had tears streaming down his face as he hugged me and cried,"I am so sorry......so sorry."
He said that my indecision just made him so aggravated that he lost his temper and hit me. He was surprised when he realized what he had done.He hadn't meant to do it. He said that he hoped that I could forgive him.

I didn't even know what to say. This was not the dad that I had known all my life. He was a stranger who couldn't put up with me changing my mind about the kind of pizza I wanted for dinner. Usually he didn't even raise his voice when I fought with my sister or when I was a typical moody teenager or when I went stomping off to my room for one thing or another. This man seemed so foreign to me. Who was he?

I looked at his tear stained face and tried to find my Daddy.He looked so frightened by what he had done and I knew he was sorry. He made a mistake that he regretted. My heart felt empty for a few days and I was slightly on edge. I watched his every move waiting for another out burst but it never came.

After some time,I put this incident out of my mind. It was so out of character for my father that I chose to ignore it. I simply wasn't able to connect the act of slapping me with anything my father would normally do. It was easier to pretend it never happened.

Fortunately this didn't actually change my relationship with my dad and we continued to share the close bond that we had always had. Still, whenever I hear the Tom Petty song, Refugee, it reminds me of the car ride back to the restaurant after Dad and I left the beach. As I sat in the front seat,tasting the salt from my tears,I vowed to always remember the song that was playing on the radio on that fateful night.
I guess I never truly forgot afterall.