You can't wait for happiness

I used to get so frustrated when I was single because so many of my friends used to say,"When I meet the right guy,I'll be happy." Well,if you're not happy before you meet the right guy,how the heck will you be happy after you meet him? Will he bring a magical happiness pill?

Sometimes I catch myself saying,"I'll be happy when........"(Rich gets a better job,we have enough money to buy a house,we don't have to worry about money....)I know they say money can't buy happiness and I definitely agree with that,but money can make life easier and less stressful,which is really what I'm hoping for.

There are times when I feel like I am in limbo,just waiting for my real life to start. It's not that I haven't been living my life all these years because I have,it's jut that this is not where I thought I'd be at 43. There are so many changes I still have to make and I just feel like I am cemented to one spot with no way to make my dreams come true.

Some dreams take courage like submitting my book to a publisher.....I still haven't done it and I have no one to blame but myself. Other dreams are out of my hands like waiting to hear if Rich got the new job we are both praying that he gets.

In the meantime, I try to enjoy the happiness that surrounds our family every day but sometimes,it isn't as easy as it should be. The bills are looming like a cloud of doom over my head every day. Rich and I both work at jobs that don't pay us enough. My medications are very expensive each month even with our insurance which just changed,by the way,and I have no idea what kind of changes that will entail.

On the other hand,we have a good marriage. We love each other and we have a wonderful child. We couldn't ask for a more loving and funny child. We have a nice apartment with a pool,2 cars that run well (knock on wood) and plenty of food to eat. We laugh a lot and we spend as much time together as we possibly can.

Rich and I are husband and wife but most of all,we are friends....best friends...and that makes all the difference in the world. Lillianna finds joy in the simplest things and for that I am very grateful because she helps me to focus on what is really important in our life.....spending time together and showing our love for one another every single day. It's not about where we live or if we can pay the bills on time. It's about finding happiness in our daily life and being grateful for all that we do have. When I look at it like that,I realize how happy we really are.

I'm hungry!!

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Is a food ban in school the best answer?

This post is over at DotMoms.

Stressing about the shower

Kara's shower is only a few weeks away. I can say that here because she never reads my blog so I am safe!
I just worked for 2 1/2 hours on the scrap book I am making for her shower. I have some really cute pictures of Kara and Peter,especially the two pictures of their engagement. I put in her shower invitation and her "save the date" magnet for their wedding. In the back of the book,I will trim the pages so that people can leave a cute message for the couple at the shower.

Now I am totally stressing over next week. I have to make 65 chocolates for favors. It's a beautiful mold. It's an oval silhouette of a bride and groom which I make in white chocolate and the background is in milk chocolate. It's my favorite. One of the bridesmaids is coming next week to help me wrap and ribbon them so I have to be finished. Time is running out.

I also have to go clothes and shoe shopping for a shower outfit. How did I get so far behind??????

A few more options....yippee!!!!

I went to see my nutritionist today. You can read about it on The Lighter Side.

What do you want me to say?

I hate that question....I really do. I hate it even more when it comes from my husband. In my mind,the translation is,"Look,you are concerned about something that I don't really give a shit about and I want this conversation to end NOW! Give me the magic words that you are looking to hear so that I can say them,(even though I won't mean them because remember....I don't actually care about this subject or how you feel about it.)"

Ya......I really hate that question.....I sure do!

My husband the radio star

Rich is going to be on the radio tonight on Bunk Radio His friend,Sal,has a show on from 9pm-11:00pm EST. It's called Munafo Mafia Killer Rock. It's free. You just have to log in.

I don't find Sal to be a DJ kind of guy but Rich is very funny. Maybe I'm wrong about Sal....I guess I'll find out in a couple of hours.

Tune in!!

Tag team exercising

Rich and I have started working out at the gym. You can read about this over at The Lighter Side.

Making exercise work for me

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

Bathing suit shopping

Those 3 words will bring a groan from most women. No matter how thin or in shape a woman is,she always hates shopping for a bathing suit. That's just the way it goes.
My bathing suit is 2 years old and 50 pounds ago. I have worn it a couple of times in desperation since I couldn't find a new bathing suit that I liked. The other day, Rich said that my bathing suit didn't look great on me anymore and I knew he was right. It was just too big and I wasn't comfortable in it.

Yesterday,Lillianna and I headed out to Kohl's for a new bathing suit for both of us. She pointed to a 2-piece suit and I nearly choked. "Uhm....no,honey. Mommy doesn't wear anything like that." What was she thinking?

After looking on the racks and finding nothing I liked,I took a look at the 2-piece ones again. The top came all the way to the bottom and the bottom was kind of cute with a tiny little skirt. I hate the ones where the skirt is so damn long,I might as well swim in an evening gown. This skirt was short but it gave me some comfort so I sighed and brought it in the dressing room.

The top was pretty and I checked to see if any private parts were trying to escape. Nope.....it seemed safe. I loved the support it gave me since my old bathing suit is so stretched out,my boobs can touch my knees in that thing. Not a pretty sight. No it isn't! I took a deep breath and got the bottoms off the hanger. I slipped them on and they felt great. I dared to look in the mirror.

I had to smile. It looked great! It really did. Ok,my legs are jiggly and I really have to tone those things but I looked good. This fitted suit was so different from what I had been wearing and I was proud of myself. I've lost 50 1/2 pounds as of this morning and I have been exercising at the gym and swimming in the pool with Lillianna and I can see the difference. I really can.

Lillianna found 2 new bathing suits for herself so she was pleased with her purchase. We came home,changed into our new suits and went to the pool. It was a great day!

Thirty minutes alone with my husband

You can read this post over at The Lighter Side.

A light at the end of the poodle tunnel.

Well,I called my hair salon this morning. I told the receptionist that I wanted to come in today if Karen had some time for me. She has to watch me curl my hair and tell me what is wrong. I want pretty curls.

If I come back as a poodle in my next life,I will still hope for prettier hair! This is not a good look for me.....at all!

I am going in at 11:45am. Cross your fingers.


{Update: My hair looks great!....just like it did last Thursday when Karen colored and curled it. She watched me roll my hair and said I had a great rolling technique.
Before you even suggest it,no,I never had experience rolling anything else. I have always been drug-free,thank you very much.

Anyway,I learned a few new tips and I look forward to trying them tomorrow to see if I can duplicate my hair style. I stopped at CVS for a spray bottle and a huge mirror so that I can see the back of my hair. Maybe this will be the end of the poodle look for me. I sure do hope so!}

I hate today

Everything seems to be wrong today.....everything.

1)My hair is a Brillo pad.......still no luck with the curlers.

2)I sort of balanced the checkbook but I could only pay 2 bills. Everything else will have to wait until I get more money.....when the hell will that be??

3)I have to go food shopping when Lillianna gets out of school.Yippee!

4)I'm exhausted.

5)I still have this damn headache!!!!!!!

6)I am feeling like I am on the verge of an anxiety attack. My throat is starting to close.

I wish my life was less stressful. If I click my heels 3 times do you think I'll have an easier life?? I didn't think so.

Extra! Extra!! Read all about it!

This is shocking.....Earth shattering.....I hope you are sitting down. I have been begging Rich to start his own blog for 2 years now but he has refused. The other day,Chandra asked if the husbands wanted to write for The Lighter Side. Surprisingly,Rich said he did. I nearly fell on the floor.

So here it is......Rich's very first post.

Please leave all comments on The Lighter Side. Thank you!!

Order in English!!

The owner of a cheesesteak restaurant has a sign that says the customers have to order in English. You can see it in Comcast's "The Fan" here.

I think this is a great idea!! What do you think about this??

At war with my perm

So I have had this perm for 13 days. I still don't love it. The curls haven't relaxed as all you well meaning supporters promised me. Nope....still curly as a poodle. My dreams of big bouncy curls is dead.....or is it?

Thursday,Karen colored my hair. I had to wait 10 days after the perm to have it colored and believe me,that was the longest 10 days of my life. Gray is not a pretty color on me. Nope....it sure isn't.

After she colored it and dried it slightly with the blow dryer,we both looked in the mirror. I said,"I still hate it!" Karen sighed,"Me too." She whipped out some bristle rollers and proceeded to roll my hair in them. Lickety split quick and my hair was done. She popped me under the dryer and then sat me back in the chair. As she took the rollers out I think I heard a "BOING!" as each huge curl sprang to life.

Instead of tight,horrible curls,I had big,bouncy, boinging curls....just like I had asked for 10 days before. Karen and I were both overjoyed!!....Giddy even! It was a dream come true. She packed up the curlers in a bag and gave them to me to take home. She told me that I could curl my hair even when it was dry and I could have these beautiful curls. It was easy.

Into every light,a little dark must fall. Is that an actual saying or did I make that up??

Friday morning,I tried the curlers. When I took them out,my hair was ten feet high. I looked like a Minnesota pageant mom. You've seen them.You know what I mean. Lillianna had a horrified look on her face when she said,"I hope you're going to fix that before you come in for computers,Mom!" I had Rich drive her to school while I wet my hair down and let it poodle curl on it's own.That was the best I could do.

I've tried it several more times,each a different way,but it is still a disaster.
I ate dinner around 4:30pm and then tried the rollers again. This time,it curled...not like Karen had it on Thursday,but not so poodley. I pointed to my hair and said to Rich,"This is better,right?" He said,"Closer. You're getting closer."

I guess I'll try again tomorrow!!

{Ok....I have issues.....It's now 6:13pm and I have re-set my hair. Let's see if it curls correctly this time!!}

A change of carnival plans

When we got to the carnival,I was told that my job was changed. I wouldn't be working at the snow cone machine,afterall. I was switched to the inflatable obstacle course. This thing is like a billion feet high and half a billion feet long. It attracts screaming,pushing, sock-footed,crazed children of all ages. I already had a migraine. This didn't sound like it was going to have any healing powers on my pounding head. I was right.

For the first hour,I took the tickets and said,"Ready....Set....GO!" as the kids raced two by two through the obstacle course. Then I switched with the other volunteer mom and I headed to the back of this inflatable monster and watched the kids as they made their departure down the slide. I got to say things like,"No jumping!" "You can't somersault off the top. Just slide,please!" The kids never listen. I got to watch a couple of them almost plunge to their death but hey....who really cares?......the parents just cheer them on.

We picked up pizza on the way home and I ordered the new rustic pizza from Papa Ginos. It was good. I was starving so I ate too much. I fell asleep on the couch right after dinner. When I woke up,I checked my blood sugar. It was very high. That made my head pound a little more. I took my diabetes pills and went to bed.

Now it's just about 10pm and my head is killing me. I have to take some more Tylenol and try to go to sleep. I have to be up at 5am for work and I know the morning comes faster than I would like. Like all Saturdays,tomorrow is 12 hours of work between two jobs. Neither job is thrilling me lately so I'm not looking forward to this at all. Oh well....a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Is it nap time yet?

I could really use a nap right now. I went to school from 8:30am-9:00am for Lillianna's computer class. It was my last one. The kids were crazy today and Linda,the other mom who does this with me,never showed up. That meant instead of us each answering the questions of 4 kids,I answered all 8. I left school with a migraine.

Then I went to the post office and mailed Rich's resume off for a job he really wants.(Keep your fingers crossed!) I also mailed the invitations to my sister's shower. Then.....off to Wal-Mart.
Lillianna has 2 birthday parties to go to tomorrow. One is her best friend,Mollie. The other is her soon to be cousin,Lena. (My sister's future step-daughter.)Presents for everyone.

Then I went food shopping in a daze because I was hungry and dizzy. I called Rich as I left the supermarket so that he would come downstairs and help me with the groceries. I ate lunch and then came on the computer.

I have to get Lillianna from school in 45 minutes then I will be volunteering at the carnival at her school. I'm on the snow cone machine!! I am so tired.......my head is killing me......I want a nap. I guess I'll go wrap presents instead.

My three month check-up

Blogger was down earlier so I posted this over on The Lighter Side.

Going to Nana's house

Lillianna loves going to my mother's house. Here is her newest post.

Alone......all by itself....is that so difficult??

I always thought I knew what the word alone meant....until now.
If someone asks,"Hey,what did you do last night?" If no one else was home with me,I would say,"I was home alone." Alone. That would indicate that no one else was with me. It wouldn't somehow translate into,"I was home alone having a party with ten people." Somehow,having other people there would make me very much un-alone,right?

Along with alone,we have "by itself." This is another expression for alone. "The picture stood on the shelf,by itself." What image does this bring to mind?
A)The picture is on the shelf and there is nothing else on the shelf.
B)The picture is on the shelf with lots of other knick-knacks.

See,I would answer "A." Apparently,I don't understand what these words mean because no one understands me when I use them.

I shop in the same supermarket several times a week. It is a better quality supermarket and believe me,I pay the price for it but it's worth it to me. However,the people who bag my groceries have a different understanding of alone and all by itself.

I have bread issues. I don't like my sandwich bread flattened and squished to the size of a saltine cracker. I don't think that is a lot to ask.Sometimes,I grab the bread and put it in a paper bag and then hold on to it for dear life because I know more stuff will get thrown in with it and I don't want that!!

When the cashier asks me how I want my groceries bagged,I always say,"Everything can go in plastic except this one bread (which I point to so that she will know which one I am referring to). I would like this bread,alone,in a paper bag,all by itself,please."

The cashier always seems to understand. She relates this information to the bag person and this is where the trouble begins. Saturday,I went in to shop and of course I bought a bread. I like fresh bread in the house every other day. Like I said,I have bread issues. When the young man received his bagging instructions from the cashier he nodded and proceeded to bag my groceries. I wasn't paying attention until he yelled,"Did you buy eggs?" I looked up confused. "No,why?" I asked. He said,"I would've put them in here," and he pointed at my bread bag which was stuffed with rolls,popcorn and my precious bread. ALONE!!! ALL BY ITSELF!!!
How did that turn around to mean with eggs,rolls and popcorn? Do I not understand alone?? Is it me....Seriously....Is it?

Today,I had to pick up a couple of things so of course,I bought a fresh bread. When the cashier asked,I gave her my usual instructions. She related them to the bag guy who I have to add is an older gentleman who I really enjoy. He's in his 70's and he is very sweet and kind. I felt confident that this would be ok. He usually does what I ask.

Imagine my shock and horror when I looked in the paper bag and saw rolls and SunChips on top of my bread. When I pulled the bread out from the bottom,(of course it was on the bottom!)the middle was squished to the size of a cracker. That's when I decided to write this post. Clearly,I need help understanding the definition of alone.

Can someone please tell me what alone and all by itself means??? Please!!!........Thank you!

A little support

If you get a chance,please hop on over to The Lighter Side,and say congratulations to Chandra. She lost 2 more pounds.

Losing weight is never easy and writing for The Lighter Side helps us to stay focused and on track. Eating well and exercising is important and yet,sometimes,we just have a bad day.We're human. We know that we didn't gain this weight in one day so we won't lose it in one day either. It's a lifelong commitment to stay healthy and now that we are motivated I know that we will succeed.

If you or someone you know is trying to lose weight,take a look at The Lighter Side. We want to be a good support system for one another so that we don't feel like we are doing this by ourselves.

The dream of the perfect picnic

This dream started when I was 18 years old. Maybe it was too much Luke and Laura on General Hospital or one too many romance books, but I was obsessed with the perfect picnic. Not the kind of picnic where you are eating non stop fried chicken wings and there are no ants fighting you for a yummy piece of pie. Oh no! That was just an average picnic.

I mean the kind of picnic that books,soap operas and commercials lead you to believe exist. I would be in a long flowing sundress with kicky sandals and a glowing tan. I would spread out a red and white checkered tablecloth on the ground under a shady tree. Then,as if there were a drumroll,I would pluck my picnic basket from behind the tree and voila! begin to set up our lunch.

The meal would consist of French bread,Brie,grapes and wine. Looking back,I would've passed out after that meal. Where the hell was the protein? How much Brie could I eat before my blood sugar dropped? Anyway,I don't know where I got that menu but it seemed so very romantic to me. "Who was the picnic with?",you may ask. I never knew......just some guy I was in love with....Whoever that might be.

See,the guy wasn't as important to me as the perfect picnic. The picnic was all about romance and the dream of what could be.

In 1989,I was 26 years old. My friend Karen and her husband Mish,came to visit me from England. (I had lived with Karen in Israel in 1985). At that time,I was dating a guy named Barry. He was nice. I really liked him. When I saw the wicker picnic basket on sale,I knew it was a sign. I bought it without hesitation. When I opened it up,I was surprised that there was anything inside. It had 4 large plastic plates,matching plastic mugs and plastic utensils. My dream was coming true.

That weekend,we packed up our lunch in the picnic basket and headed to New Hampshire for the day. Barry insisted we bring paper plates even though I explained I had my picnic basket which contained everything we needed. Barry gave me a look so I reluctantly threw in some paper plates just to appease him but I knew we weren't going to use them.

The night before,we all discussed what we would bring on our trip. My perfect lunch was vetoed immediately. No one liked Brie and besides,we'd be hungry so we would need to eat sandwiches. French bread was not the ideal bread for deli sandwiches,too hard to handle,so we brought rolls instead. All I could do was sigh and watch my dream slip away.

When it came time to make lunch,Barry insisted that we use the paper plates instead of my beautiful colored matching plates for four. Everyone agreed that there was no need to dirty the plastic plates.

Now,17 years later,Lillianna keeps her doll's clothes in the wicker basket. She uses the four plastic mugs for when she wants to get her own drink. (Regular glasses are too high for her to reach.) The plastic utensils are kept in a bag with disposable plastic forks and spoons....just in case.

As for my perfect picnic...now that I'm married to the perfect guy,it doesn't seem so important anymore. Besides,Rich would never eat Brie and neither one of us drink wine. We'll have to make a new dream....Together.

Lo-mein for dinner? Yum!

This post is over at The Lighter Side.

No more laughing! No more fun!

When we moved into this apartment complex 3 years ago,I was thrilled to have a beautiful pool for the summer. The rules of the pool were annoying and basically,they sucked the fun right out of everything.

Lillianna was just learning to swim properly,back then,so I brought a flutter board to the pool one day. I wanted to teach her to kick before moving her arms. As soon as we entered the pool area,the lifeguard informed me that unless it was a life saving device,we couldn't have the board in the pool. I was not happy.I learned to kick using a flutter board and it made it so much easier.....and fun!

I understand why we can't have rafts or inner tubes because they take up a lot of space and kids bump into people without thinking but we also can't have an inflatable beach ball even when we are the only ones in the pool. There have been days when Lillianna and I are alone in the pool for quite some time before anyone joins us but apparently,we still can't play ball.

Last year,kids were throwing in Barbie dolls or their swim goggles so that they could swim to the bottom of the pool to retrieve them. All the kids like this type of diving. Since I am so clever,I bought Lillianna diving sticks for the pool this year.

Today was our first day at the pool. The boys who were there before we arrived also had diving rings and sticks. As soon as they went to dive for them,the new lifeguard said they couldn't have them in the pool. I was pissed!! What the f--- ?????? You just let the sticks drop to the bottom. There is no throwing involved so what's the big deal?

When we left the pool,I stopped into the office to ask about the diving sticks. We were allowed to have them last year so what's the big deal this year? I was told it was all about liability and some people throw the sticks instead of drop them. It didn't make any difference that I wasn't going to throw them....no is no! then I was informed that other pools have even more strict rules than we do. In some pools,you can't splash.

How the heck do you kick your feet without a little tiny splash?? What's next? Maybe we will be invited to stand around the pool and just look at the water. That would be refreshing. We wouldn't want to make any ripples in the water....that could be so disturbing!