Tired of diabetes

November 8th was my 2 year anniversary of being rushed to the hospital with pancreatitis and diabetes and almost dying. I know I have a lot to be thankful for since I'm still alive but I'm really tired of being diabetic. Some days it's just too much of a burden.

I know I could have something much worse where I only have weeks or months to live and I feel lucky that diabetes is something I can control more or less but today,I wanted to give it back. I hate it and I resent it.

I don't enjoy checking my blood or thinking about food all the time: how many carbs?grams of fat? grams of sugar? I don't stay on my plan all the time and then the guilt kicks in. Stress makes me eat. Why doesn't stress make me want to exercise??

So,what pushed me over the edge today was going to CVS to pick up my blood pressure med and my test strips. On our old insurance,test strips were $50 but they usually lasted 6-8 weeks depending on if I had a problem with my sugar and felt the need to test more often. Today was the first time I had to fill that prescription.

As the cashier added it up I was stunned. "What is $93????" I asked in a panic. It was the test strips. My new insurance doesn't cover my strips although it has been covering my lancets which I use to prick my finger. So I can draw blood but I can't test the blood. How the hell does that make sense?? The pharmacist agreed that it didn't make sense at all.

I just wanted to blurt out,"Do you think I enjoy having diabetes? Do you think it's fun to test my blood every day?" Instead,I got teary and really couldn't say much. One of the other cashiers told me to call my insurance company tomorrow and explain the situation and hopefully they will send me a new monitor so that I can buy supplies that they will cover. I certainly hope so.