Sunday, September 23, 2007

From soul mates to cell mates

Rich and I were sitting on the couch watching t.v. this evening when I said,"You know,I have a great name for a post about the decline of marriage. It's called 'From soul mates to cell mates.' "
He just looked at me and burst out laughing. That made me laugh but the subject really isn't amusing.

I know the honeymoon is over faster than any married couple would like but Rich and I really thought we would have this loving,romantic and soul mate kind of marriage and that just didn't happen.....not at all.

We've been through a lot these past 14 years. We'll be celebrating our 13th anniversary in November. I think that's quite an accomplishment in this day and age but this isn't quite the marriage I had in mind.

I had always thought Rich and I could face any situation as long as we were a team. The reality is,we're usually not on the same team. Part of our opposite perspectives come from the whole Venus vs Mars thing. Men and women are just different. I often wonder why the whole world isn't gay.

Men understand men. Women understand women. How do these 2 groups ever get together?
It can't just be about sex. Marriage is so much more complicated than that. We've tried marriage counseling....twice. We're still married but I don't think either one of us would go so far as to say we are happy. We function. We get along fairly well. We both love Lillianna. We have a lot in common but I don't feel connected to this person. We both knew we were soul mates the minute we met. What the hell happened?

We've talked and talked about this over the years but nothing has ever changed. It makes me sad. It makes me feel lonely. No one should feel lonely in their marriage.
When he left for 6 months over 4 years ago,it was horrible. I cried every single day.When he came back,we said we'd never put Lillianna through that again. I don't want to be without him. I just want us to be better when we're together. I want to feel that connection again like when we first met.

How do you make that happen?

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