Rich brought a box to the house the other day which had been stored in the trunk of his car for 5 years. It was filled with all my diaries! I had no idea that that's where they had been. I thought they were lost. (Rich had a bunch of boxes in his trunk due to lack of storage space in the apartment.)
I started reading them. I was shocked and very sad. Starting from 1978 when I was 15 years old and going until 1993 when I was 30 the entries all sound about the same. Even in my diaries from Israel 1985-1987 it's all the same.
"I love ______. (Insert any American or Israeli male name here.) Why can't he just love me for me? Why does he play these stupid games with me? When will I ever be happy? When will _______ (Insert male name again.)just show me some affection? Am I so difficult to love?"
It's all the same....over and over and over again.
Here I am at 45. My marriage has been the longest relationship that I've ever had and yet if I were to write a diary entry today I could still use the formula above. Nothing has changed. I am still waiting for the right man to love me unconditionally and to be affectionate. My life hasn't changed in 30 years. I think that is even sadder than Rich leaving.
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