Say Cheese!

Yesterday my furry nephew,Cody,turned 2. Today Kara threw him a little birthday party with her 2 step daughters,Lena and Bella and me and Lillianna. I guess not everyone throws a party for their chocolate lab but Cody is Kara's one true love (sorry Peter) and damn it,he was getting a party.

Last night Lena slept over here and I had the girls make chocolate covered strawberry marshmallows and chocolate dog bones and paw prints. I had the dog bone mold from Lillianna's Scooby Doo birthday and the paw prints from her Blue's Clues birthday several years ago. We put together a little chocolate platter to bring to Cody's party in honor of his special day.

When it came time for cake,Kara commanded Cody to sit in the dining room chair so that he was close to his birthday cake on the table. Cody is no lap dog although he will sit in your lap when you tell him too. He is an 80 pound bear!

So there we were all gathered around the big dining room table and Kara had me and the 3 girls stand around Cody so that she could get a picture...well several pictures. He was really a good sport about all this. I asked Kara if she wanted me to take a picture of her with her "baby" and she did.

What made me think I was smart enough to use a digital camera? Kara and the kids were hugging Cody and smiling at me as I attempted to push a button.
"Hold it down!" Kara instructed. I did. The screen went blank. Kara gave me a pitiful look and asked,"You shut it off,didn't you?" I said I did.

Then she told me to put it back on and hold the other button down. Oh...well why didn't she say that in the first place? I got them all in focus again and pushed the other button. Nothing happened. Kara yelled,"Hold it down!" I did. Something flashed. I pushed again. Flash flash. By that time Kara was just shaking her head at me and I burst into a fit of laughter. Then we were all laughing. In the end I think Lillianna took the picture.

The kids left the dining room and Kara decided she hadn't taken enough pictures of the chocolates. She put 2 big milk chocolate dog bones on the white frosted cake and took a picture. As they were lying there I said,"They kind of look like penises." She laughed and said,"You're right....they do!" When she removed them,the chocolate penises were covered in white frosting. I'll spare you Kara's comment about that.

So all in all,Cody had a very happy birthday and the day was filled with sugar and fun!

My body is smarter than I am

No matter what I do,I can't fool my body. If I over carb,my blood sugar goes up whether I think it will or not. I guess I keep hoping my body will give me the benefit of the doubt and keep my blood sugar in a good range. How did I think that would happen?

Yesterday I toasted a whole grain bagel,slapped some 1/3 less fat cream cheese on it,grabbed my cup of coffee and ran out the door to bring Lillianna to school before eating my breakfast on the 30 minute drive to work. Two hours after eating, my blood sugar was 155. Of course it was. I over carbed and I knew it. Who was I really trying to fool?

After talking to a newly diagnosed diabetic yesterday I realized that I was once newly diagnosed too. My focus was to get myself into a healthy range and I did. That time passed and I got lazy. I gained some weight back and went into denial about food. If I want it I eat it and hope my sugar will be okay.I'm not only lazy but really stupid.

There was a guy on the radio yesterday talking about life changes. He said not to cut out all things that are yummy but just to cut down a bit and the weight would come off slowly. That would be something I could stick to.

This morning,I toasted half of the whole grain bagel and put peanut butter and sugar free jam on it. Two hours after eating,my sugar was 105...50 points lower than yesterday at the same time. Just by cutting down the carbs I could see a change. Honestly,after the half of bagel I was stuffed. I don't know how I ate the whole bagel yesterday. Well,that's not true....I know I eat without any thought. That's part of my problem.

I can't pledge that I'm going to make smart decisions every day but I'm sure going to try to make smarter decisions than I have in the past year.

Why am I so tired?

The past two or three weeks have been hell for me. I'm totally exhausted every day. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get because I still wake up tired.
Usually after I get home from work and pick Lillianna up at school,I fall asleep on the couch for 2 hours before I make dinner. It's not that I'm just a little sleepy. I can't stay awake. I close my eyes for a second and two hours go by.

Today I had to shower and go food shopping but I kept falling asleep for 10 minutes or so and just when I thought I'd head into the shower,I'd have to nap again. I didn't shower until 4pm!

I googled the side effects of my blood pressure med that was increased from 10mg to 20mg several weeks ago and fatigue is one of them. I think I'll call my doctor on Monday. She had me take a blood test to check what kind of anemia I have but I never heard back from her. I think between the anemia and bp med increase I'm always one second away from napping. Not a good thing at all.

A special kind of hell

I was just watching the news and once again they were talking about the abuse case of a local 7 year old boy. His mother's boyfriend burned his genitals with a cigarette,beat him with a belt and urinated on his head. According to the story,the boy told his mother who instructed him to keep this quiet.

Fortunately this boy reported the abuse to the school nurse and DSS was brought it. The mother and boyfriend are in custody.

My parents never hit me and Lillianna has never been hit. Who would hit their child?
I don't understand this at all and I probably never will.

I hug and kiss Lillianna a million times a day and she is always in my lap wanting to be snuggled. Today she had some aches and pains so I gave her some children's tylenol and I heated up my heating pad for her. She thanked me for taking care of her. I can't imagine not taking care of my child.

I hope there is a special kind of hell for child abusers.....I really do!

Profiling

I was listening to talk radio this morning on the way to work and the topic was profiling at the airport. I never want to offend anyone but I'm tired of everyone trying to be politically correct. When it comes to airport safety I think profiling is a no-brainer.

I know that many groups feel that they are being harassed and singled out but here's the reality.....if a group of white Jewish moms in their mid 40s threaten the safety of the USA or the world then I would expect that security would pull me out of line and question me before letting me board my plane. I fit the profile.

Apparently there is some law suit going on in Israel about profiling and I think it's ridiculous. I've flown El-Al several times and the reason they haven't had their planes blown up is because of their meticulous security. There are a lot of people out to destroy Israel and the Israeli people and for the most part they belong to a certain group. I hope Israel continues to profile their airline passengers. It's been working so far!

A nice smooth shave?

Kara just got back from visiting Mom in Florida. They had a lot of fun even though Kara ran Mom ragged with all the activities that they did. I told Mom it serves her right for having such a young daughter! She has to learn to keep up.

I'm the low key type. Lillianna and I have been to visit Mom only twice in 10 years but our vacations don't include late nights. I think Lillianna could've stayed out late but I like to be in bed nice and early and then get up around 5am and have coffee on the balcony and watch the sun come up. Kara is just getting home when the sun comes up.

One day during Kara's visit,Mom came out of the shower and told Kara that she used her razor to shave her legs because hers was so dull it wouldn't even work. Kara said okay and didn't think much about it. Later that day at the beach,Mom looked at her legs and said,"Wow! I missed a lot when I shaved." Kara looked at Mom's legs and asked,"Did you take the white plastic covering off the razor before you used it?"
Mom asked,"What cover?"

After the two of them calmed down from their fit of hysterical laughter,Mom realized she shaved with the plastic cover on. She probably should've just braided the hair on her legs! When they got home,Kara checked to see if Mom's dull razor had a plastic cover on it too. Nope....but the blade was upside down. That's why it didn't work.

Once again I asked Mom,"If you ever have any memory problems how the hell am I going to know?????" That just made Mom laugh. I can only shake my head.

Thank goodness she'll be home in just a few weeks. I love the six months when she lives in Massachusetts. That woman just cracks me up! I'll have to check her legs out when she gets here!

Passionate about what?

I met a patient today who was quite interesting and very passionate about her new career choice. She is going to culinary school. When she spoke about this her whole face just glowed.

Oh sure,I get like that when I think about eating food but preparing it? I hate to cook. I thought I did well making turkey bacon and chocolate chip pancakes for dinner tonight. It's quite a combo but Lillianna loves it!

On the way home I started to think about a job that I have a passion for. Out of all the jobs I've had, not one of them made me feel like I had found my true calling.

I entered college majoring in journalism and then I couldn't get one single journalism class my freshman year. I started taking classes in Hotel,Restaurant,Travel administration and I found them to be fascinating. After 3 semesters of this,my adviser said I couldn't change my major to HRTA and he advised me to transfer to another college. So much for getting good grades and passing everything he wanted me to. It didn't help.

I took a travel course and worked in charter travel for 3 years before living in Israel for 2 years. When I came home from Israel my father died and I fell into a job with an optometrist. After 3 years of that I started working for the company that I have now been at for 17 years and here I am!

I like this job because I make good money and I can work around Lillianna's school schedule. Basically,it's convenient. Do I love it? Heck no. I hate people and I hate whining people most of all. Did I mention how much I hate kids as patients? I just have to block it out and realize this lovely skill of mine pays the bills.

So where's my passion? Twenty minutes into my drive home it hit me. The one thing that I am absolutely passionate about is being a mother. I love it. It makes me so happy. I am completely in tune with Lillianna and I enjoy everything I do with her. Okay,I hate cooking but the kid is still alive after 10 years so I haven't starved her to death.

At first I was sad that I wasn't passionate about my job but when I looked at the right job,I realized I was very passionate about it. I found my true calling after all!

I nagged for no reason!

This past Saturday I picked up our completed tax forms at the tax office. In the past,Rich was the one to go and get the taxes done since I used to work 13 hours every Saturday up until last May. This year I just dropped them off and they called 2days later to say I could pick them up. I love things that are mindless.

Each day since then I have left the tax packet on the dining room table asking Rich to please sign the forms so I could mail them in. We're getting a refund and I want the money in a timely fashion. I've got stuff to pay with that money.

Since our jobs are so opposite,we're like 2 ships that pass in the night. We only see each other for a short time in the morning and then most nights he gets home when I'm asleep. Since I can budget my time fairly well I always leave room to nag at him. I feel it's my duty as a loving wife.

So again,this morning,I gently reminded him to sign the damn tax papers. I might have threatened his life but I can't confirm that. I have PMS.....I could've said anything!

When I got home from work I checked my mail. There was something from the IRS in there. All I could think was,"CRAP! Did they find a mistake on my taxes?" Then I remembered they're still on the freakin' table unsigned!! Nervously I opened the envelope and voila! My state refund.

I called the tax office and asked if they filed it electronically. She said she did. Then she laughed hysterically at how I nagged my poor husband for a week when there was no reason to nag him at all!

I probably should apologize......ya....I doubt that's gonna happen!

Hebrew School

Hebrew school was an interesting thing in my family when I was a child. My mother's brother had 2 sons and a daughter and my father's brother had 2 sons and a daughter. The boys were automatically sent to Hebrew School but the girls were not.

Papa,Mom's dad, belonged to an Orthodox temple although Nana,Mom and Uncle Louis were not really religious. When I was around 5 years old, Papa asked me if I wanted to go to Sunday school with my cousins Evan who was 9 and Jeff who was 6. I jumped at the chance.

Although the boys were kind of bored,I loved it! I learned songs in Hebrew and I was hooked. When we moved to a new town,Papa asked me if I wanted to go to Hebrew school in my town and not be with my cousins anymore. I didn't care who I was with I just wanted to learn Hebrew. Mom said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I didn't know why anyone would not want to go.

I thought Hebrew was a magical language and I loved learning it. The big finale was my Bat Mitzvah in 1976. Ya,I'm that old. You can read about that here.

So here we are in 2008 and I haven't joined a temple or sent Lillianna to Hebrew school yet. By chance,I started talking to her friend's mom at a birthday party a few weeks ago and she asked me if we belonged to a temple. I told her that they're so expensive and I didn't think I could afford it.

She told me about her temple which is 30 minutes from where we live but it sounded affordable. She said the people were really welcoming.
Long story short,(as if that's possible!!)Lillianna and I went with Nancy and her daughter Lauren to Hebrew School last Monday and last night and it's great!!

The moms stay for the class and help their child. It's a requirement of the class and I totally dig that,I tell ya. Lillianna went from not knowing one single thing last week to reciting her numbers 1-10 flawlessly last night. I was so proud. I taught her well. I had to recite them too which I thought was funny but very cool.

We will be attending a service on Friday night which will be fun. I love Shabbat services. I want Lillianna to know what it is to be Jewish.

The crazy part is that Mom is not supportive. She said we can't afford to join and she isn't happy with my decision. My sister Kara is 100% supportive and said that she regrets not going to Hebrew School. I used to take her to services with me all the time and I tried to teach her about all the holidays but she didn't push to go the way that I had and Mom didn't think it was necessary for Kara to go. I recently got an email from my cousin Marcia and she said she also regrets not going to Hebrew School. I know I've made the right decision.

Even though it is very disappointing to me that Mom isn't thrilled about my decision,I told Lillianna that when you know you're making the right choice,even though some people may not approve,you just gotta stick with it.

It feels great to be back in the temple again! It really does!

I've really gotta get back on track

After I came home from the hospital 2 1/2 years ago I was terrified of food. Eating the wrong food and having a lifestyle that didn't include exercise,combined with a lot of stress is what sent me down the road to almost dying from pancreatitis.

At first,every food terrified me. I had to keep the fat,carbs and sugars very low or I'd be back on death row. After losing 50 pounds and occasionally "cheating" I realized I was still alive even if I ate a "bad" food. So I got brave and kind of strayed over the past 1 1/2 years.

Two weeks ago when I went to meet my new pcp, Dr.F,she had me take a urine test which tested my kidney function. I got a phone call at the beginning of the week saying the results were abnormal and I had to be seen within 2 weeks. I saw her this past Friday.

She told me that I have protein in my urine which is caused by my high blood sugar. I also have anemia. She increased my bp med from 10mg to 20mg and said I have to exercise 30 mins a day to bring my numbers back to normal.

Today I am going to buy a new pair of sneakers and start my walking this afternoon. Thinking I'm invincible nearly killed me once. I got a second chance. I need to be more grateful for that and take it seriously this time.

Eye people are not so observant

I have worked as an ophthalmic technician for 17 years. I like to think that I am pretty observant. My friend Gaye always appreciates when I tell her she has lipstick on her teeth. She says I am the only one who ever tells her. I like to think we are all looking out for one another.

Today I wore my beautiful new necklace and matching earrings that my best friend Liane made me for my birthday. I wore it yesterday and wanted to wear it again today.
Many people commented on how lovely this jewelry was. I glowed.

I worked until 12pm and then drove to Lillianna's school to see her President's Day play that her class was putting on for the parents at 1:00pm. I signed into the visitors book in the office and headed down to "the pit" where the play would be held. I greeted several people and then sat next to Jamie who immediately asked,"Why are you wearing two different earrings?"

I was confused. I knew I had put in my purple sea glass earrings. I touched my right ear...yup....purple sea glass. I touched my left ear and laughed! I had put in my extremely long silver earrings with long blue stones that Liane bought me in India.
They were two very different earrings. I was stunned.

In a large practice of eye people not one of them said a damn thing to me. Maybe we all need a good eye exam.

The blizzard of '78.....30 years ago today

The blizzard of '78 is the most famous blizzard in Massachusetts in my life time.
It started on February 5th and went straight through my birthday......my 15th birthday!

No one was allowed to drive unless it was someone from the police or fire dept and members of the clergy. I think that was it. No other vehicles were allowed on the roads. Kara was 4 years old at the time and we have a picture of her standing in front of a snow drift that was probably 10 feet high or more.

Since Dad worked in a bakery he always brought home my birthday cake every year. In 1978 he was confined to the house so no birthday cake from the bakery. Mom kept apologizing to me for not having any presents for me because she thought she had a few days before my birthday. When the blizzard hit us harder than we expected,we couldn't go anywhere except whatever was in walking distance.

I didn't care about the presents since I knew I'd get them eventually but I did care about my birthday cake. What's a birthday without cake? I hate to say that at 15 I had never baked a darn thing in my life but I told Mom that I was going to bake my own cake.

My neighbor Esther and her daughter Andrea were planning to walk up to the center of town for some groceries so I said I'd go with them to get my cake mix and frosting.....and candles! This walk which generally took 10 minutes on a regular day took one hour each way with us pulling a sled through the snow to carry our groceries.

The gusty wind which blew the snow in our faces really slowed us down but we perservered.We had layers of snow on our eyelashes - the only things peeking out of our face which was covered with a huge scarf. You have no idea how determined I was to bake this damn cake! It was my birthday and even though everything in this state was shut down and canceled,my birthday would go on!

I baked my very first layer cake on February 9th 1978 and it was pretty darn tootin' yummy if I do say so myself. For some reason I made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and I don't really like chocolate cake. I suppose just having the cake,any cake,was enough to make me happy.

So in addition to celebrating my birthday each year I also celebrate the first time I ever baked a layer cake. Today is the 30 year anniversary!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my 45th birthday. I remember when I thought 30 was old!! I'm more than middle aged since I doubt I'll live to be 90. I don't believe diabetics have that long of a life expectancy.

This morning we went out to a 50's restaurant down the street for breakfast. I splurged and had marinated steak tips,scrambled eggs and a big chunk of their toasted banana nut bread. Probably not the healthiest choice but it was delicious.

My birthday cake is baking in the oven as we speak. I always make my favorite strawberry whipped cream cake. I never want anyone to make me a cake. I like my own best of all. I'm also baking brownies.

This afternoon around 3:00pm Lillianna and I will have manicures before heading to Kara's house. My last manicure was September 18,2006,the day before Kara's wedding! Lillianna had a manicure and pedicure last Saturday for her friend's birthday! Am I doing something wrong here? My daughter's nails are better taken care of than mine.

Peter,my brother in law, is making me a special dinner tonight.....chicken piccata! Yum!
Rich will meet us there after work but I'll have to order a pizza for him. He would never eat this chicken....too flavorful.

I'm trying to focus on all the things that I do have in my life as opposed to where I thought I'd be at 45 and how I feel like I've failed but it isn't easy. Kara tried to put a positive spin on everything but it didn't work. I keep crying and I wish that would stop already.

I don't mind being 45 I just wish some things were different.

Oh well.....maybe next year.

What a waste of a stamp!

The New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl last Sunday and it was out of my thoughts the minute the game was over. Bummer that they lost but it didn't change my life one way or the other. I don't hate the New York Giants....I don't even know them. I do like the Pats but honestly,do you think I can name 3 players on the team from memory? Nope but I still like them when they're on t.v. I really do.

Rich is a huge Pats fan but he feels the same way I do....too bad they lost but the loss is not life altering for us. Rich is not a loud fan. He's not in anyone's face threating to kick their ass. He's a quiet fan. Oh sure he yells at the t.v. at home but he's not rude and abusive to fans of the opposing team if she should encounter them in his daily life.

He would never go up to a stranger with an opponent's team name on his cap and say,"You suck!!!" He doesn't know if they suck. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't but he can't make that assessment based on their hat choices.

So,imagine my surprise when an envelope arrived from Rich's old job. We're expecting a 401K check any day now from last year. The handwriting was familiar(it was the guy who does payroll) so I was excited to open it up. There was a picture of a NY Giants player enclosed with a typed note that said NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.

Uhm....ya...we know....we saw the game 4 days ago. We've already moved on.
The only thing I hate more than a sore loser is a nasty winner.
I can't believe he wasted a stamp on that.
I think he sucks....I really do and that's based on my actually knowing him!

I knew she was sick!

I took Lillianna to her pediatrician yesterday because I knew she was sick.
The nurse did a strep test and then Dr.F came in,took one look down Lil's throat and turned to me,"Did you see this?" she asked as she looked at me with a stunned expression.

I told her I hadn't looked. She waved me over and flashed the light down Lillianna's throat. It was the brightest red I had ever seen. Yikes! Dr.F said she'd be right back because she wanted the results of the 5 minute strep test.

She came back in a few seconds later nodding her head and said,"Oh ya.....it's strep!" Lillianna is on Keflex for 10 days and she can return to school tomorrow.
She is resting today and then at 3:00pm we have to head out for a girl scout trip to get her cooking badge. Dr.F said she'd be fine to do that today.

Whenever Lillianna is very busy like 2 back to back sleep overs,she gets run down and then within 2 days she is sick with something. I'll just have to make sure that she still gets enough sleep even when she is a social butterfly.

I'm still somebody's little girl

Mom sent me a birthday card yesterday and it made me cry. It was really sweet and mushy. After I cried my heart out and dripped tears all over the place I thought that even at 45,I'm still really happy to be someone's little girl.
It was just a nice feeling.

My new doctor

I had my appointment with Dr.F today. She was actually very nice.
She spent almost an hour with me asking all kinds of questions: Have I had a recent eye exam? Do I go to the dentist regularly? Do I check my feet every day? Have I had a recent pneumonia or flu shot? When was my last mammogram?

The list was endless.She was very thorough.When she realized I hadn't had an EKG for 2 years she sent the nurse in to do that immediately. When that was done she had me come into her office and she explained all my lab results to me from December. I had gotten a call back then and I was told everything was stable....no details. Dr.F gave me all the details. My blood sugar has to come down from 6.8 to 5.8. My bad cholesterol is fine but my good cholesterol which protects my heart is too low and I have to get that number up with exercise.

In the end,I really liked her. That sure is good news for me.

I should've listened to my instincts!

Lillianna had back to back sleep overs this weekend and she got very little sleep. Big shock! By the time she returned home on Sunday,she looked exhausted and had pink circles under her lids. The pink circles always tell me that she needs to rest. I didn't have to ask her twice to take a nap with me that afternoon. We both slept for 2 hours.

I knew she didn't have school today,Tuesday,due to a teacher's professional day so I figured she'd rest today too and bounce back from her weekend exhaustion. Last night her friend Sarah's mom,Lisa,called and asked if Lillianna could spend the day at their house today. I said she could stay for a little while but then I wanted her home to rest. Last night Lillianna complained of a sore throat so I definitely didn't want her out all day.

In the end,Lillianna was there from 8:30am-4:30pm. She swore she felt fine all day and she was having fun so I figured I'd stop being so overprotective and just let her be a kid. When I picked her up she looked half dead. When we got in the car she said she wanted to go to bed. Why did I let her talk me into letting her be out all day?????

She got into the shower as soon as we got home,had 2 bowls of soup and went into bed at 7:00pm. She is watching t.v. all wrapped up in blankets. I'm sure she'll be asleep soon. I have a bad feeling that we'll be home sick tomorrow and I'm supposed to work 8 hours. The week of school vacation in 2 weeks will require that I use 25 hours of PTO if I can't figure out a way to work a couple of days. If I have to call in sick tomorrow I'll just have to deal with it.

I made a mistake. I listenend to Lillianna instead of my own good instincts.Now we'll see what happens.

I don't like Sylvia Browne

It's not that I don't believe in psychic ability because I do. I just hate Sylvia Browne. I think she's a bit of a self-centered bitch. Yup.....I sure do.

Montel has her on once a week or so and I hate the way she speaks to people. Most times she is so vague I just don't believe a damn thing she says.

Audience question:"Do I have any spirit guides around me?"
Sylvia:"Yes you do...you have 3 angels and a spirit guide named Benjamin."

Then she turns her head and moves on to the next question. She looks bored and uninterested with the people that are yearning for answers. I get that it's a 60 minute talk show but at least look kind and loving.


Audience question:"My husband went missing 2 years ago and we don't know what happened."
Sylvia: (I swear she gives this same damn answer to everyone!!!) "He's in the woods in a shallow part of water. Look there."

She bugs the hell out of me. Without any skill at all anyone on this planet could give the answers that she does.

Audience question:"I have cancer. How will this turn out?"
Sylvia:"Everything will be fine."

Audience question:"I'm having trouble getting pregnant."
Sylvia:"You'll be pregnant by April."

How in the world is this woman so famous? I've had readings before and the good ones always give specific details.

Lillianna had a spirit drawing when she was 3 and Rita,who did the drawing was right on. You can see an article about Rita here and if you scroll down a few letters you'll see mine in there. I used to be able to google the picture she drew of Rich's mom but now I can't find it.

Anyway....Sylvia Browne sucks!

Lillianna's sleep over

Lillianna wrote this post last month and forgot to have me approve it until tonight!
Better late than never.