CCJELLYBEANS

2011-10-07T19:24:00.000-04:00

I happen to like the song Super Bass by Nicki Manaj but I couldn’t understand a lot of the words. Thank goodness for Google. Sadly, reading the lyrics didn’t shed any light on my quest for understanding this catchy little tune. I have copied part of the lyrics here and I’ve made a couple of comments. If you have any other thoughts about this song please feel free to leave your own comments.

I said, excuse me you're a hell of a guyI mean my, my, my, my you're like pelican fly

(I’ve been in love a time or two but I’ve never complimented anyone by saying they were like pelican fly. What does that even mean? Pelicans often fly in a V pattern. Is there some underlying message that I am missing here?)

I mean, you're so shy and I'm loving your tie

(I feel pretty certain that Nicki Manaj is not in any type of relationship with a guy wearing a TIE. Maybe I’m just assuming she’s involved with thugs since her language is hardly that of a lady. If I have made an unfair assumption I will apologize to Ms. Manaj)

You're like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye, oh
(What kind of thing does this guy have on his eye? Since I work for an ophthalmology practice I have seen some grotesque growths on the lids of our patients. All I can picture is some guy with a huge stye ready to burst open at the seams. Ya….that is pretty slick, isn’t it?)

Yes I did, yes I didSomebody please tell him who the eff I is
( Nice effin’ language, Nicki! Really nice.)

I am Nicki Minaj, I mack them dudes up
(Now this part is sweet. The best I can figure is she is making mac & cheese for all the dudes. That is what “make them dudes up” means, right?)

Back coupes up, and chuck the deuce up
( I wish I could find an interpretation for this but I am totally at a loss. Is it about parking cars? Back the coupes up?.....anyone…..Bueller?.....Bueller?)

I totally give up!

My Sweet Daughter

2011-10-05T16:58:00.003-04:00

This morning I woke Lillianna up at 6:30am. She immediately sat up, rubbed her eyes and smiled at me. "Good morning,Mom. Thanks for waking me up." Her sweetness touched my heart. It was such a pleasant start to my day as it always is.

Thirty minutes later it was time for me to leave. Lillianna was dressed for school and sitting on the couch. I picked up my things for work and said, "Bye Sweetie. I love you."

Lillianna hopped off the couch, threw her arms around me and said, "You're the best Mom ever! Have a great day at work. I love you!!" I nearly cried. It's such a blessing to have such sweetness in the morning.

Okay.....so what really happened this morning?

I woke Lillianna up at 6:30am. That much was true. When I asked her if she was up she grumbled some muffled sounds which sounded like a wounded animal. I took that as a "yes" and left the room. Shortly thereafter I heard more muttering. I just ignored it and enjoyed my breakfast.

I gathered my things to leave for work and just as I was about to walk out the door I said, "Bye Sweetie. I love you." There was a pause. Nothing was said so I said to myself, "Bye Mom. Have a great day at work. I love you." My sarcasm was lost on my cranky child. Finally she said, "Toodles!"

I said,"If this is the last time you see me, do you want "toodles" to be the final thing that you said to me? Really?" She thought for a second and then said "Toodles" again.

Rich said,"If this really is the last thing you say to your mother then I am having the word TOODLES tattooed on your forehead so that you can see it every time you look in the mirror. Better yet, I'll have your mother's face tattoed on your forehead! How about that?"
I told him I thought it was a good plan and I left for work.

Thank goodness I lived through the day so that Lillianna has another chance to show how much she loves me. Tomorrow's another day.

Just call her Lilly

2011-03-05T09:49:00.004-05:00

I named my daughter Lillianna because I thought that was a beautiful name.....I still do. I either call her Lillianna or Noodle. I usually only call her Lilly when I'm upset because it sounds more strict....LIL-LY,2 harsh syllables to indicate I mean business.

Lillianna sounds more like a pretty melody so I don't normally call her that when I'm displeased. Noodle is just a cutie pie name that I have used for years and it is never used when she is being grounded.

That being said, I almost always refer to her as Lillianna in any correspondence which would include Face Book. She informed me the other day that she does not like my refering to her as Lillianna since she is simply Lilly now and all her friends know her as Lilly. That kind of made me sad because I know how this all came to be and it started in elementary school.

I don't know if her kindergarten teacher was the first but I know that it hit me by
2nd grade that the teachers couldn't manage to pronounce my child's name. They wanted to say Lilly-AH-na instead of Lilly-ANN-a. When I corrected them they said, "I'll just call her Lilly."

Don't get me wrong. I am not opposed to nick names. I had always wanted one of my own when I was a kid but other than Kara calling me Ra-Ra because she couldn't say Robin when she was little, I never really had a nick name. I've come to terms with that over the years so I'm totally fine with it.

I'm also not opposed to nick names in general but when Lillianna asked me to use the name Lilly on Face Book instead of Lillianna I felt a pang of sadness come over me. To the world she will be Lilly, I guess, but to me she will always be Lillianna.

It's ok....it's Phat with a PH

2011-02-05T08:41:00.002-05:00

I'm not a big fan of slang. I remember when I was 13 and I went to San Diego to stay with my cousin Becky for 3 weeks and we laughed at each other's expressions. She couldn't understand "wicked good" since wicked means bad. How could something be
bad-good? It didn't make sense to her even after I explained that wicked just meant "very." We didn't use it in terms of wicked meaning something bad. It seemed perfectly normal to me.

I remember choking on my Dr.Pepper and how the carbonation hurt as it shot out through my nose when Becky said her mother "was going to have a cow." The image in my head was so bizarre I didn't know what to say. She didn't know why I was so hysterical. She just meant her mother was going to be upset. I'll probably never get that image out of my head!

So here we are in 2011 and I know the phat word has been around for a few years now but I heard it on tv the other day and it disturbed me. My guess is that it was created by some passive-aggressive person who was too afraid to say what he meant. Like the disgruntled silent suffering mate in a bad relationship who couldn't quite call it quits. As his girlfriend entered the room feeling wonderful, he looked at her with the intent to insult her and before he knew it the words flew out of his mouth, "Wow....you're really fat in that outfit."

Realizing he actually said what he was hoping to just think, he had to make a quick save as his girlfriend burst into hysterical tears.

"Oh honey, I didn't mean that in a bad way. I meant you look beautiful."
"But you said I looked FAT!" she sobbed.
After a moment's thought the boyfriend replied, "Oh sweetie....you misunderstood me. I didn't mean fat with an F, I meant phat with a P.H."
"There's no such word," she says but still remains hopeful.
"Yes, it's a new slang word. It means beautiful, wonderful, fantastic....the best!"
And they live happily ever after.....ya right!

Matty in the morning on KISS 108 FM claims you can take the sting out of anything bad by just adding "dude" to the end of your sentence.
"Your breath stinks.....dude." Doesn't sound so bad. Sounds kind of helpful.Good dental hygiene is important.

"Your wife is cheating on you....dude." Just giving you a head's up, my friend.
He kind of has a point there.

So here's my point. I'm just going to make stuff up.If PHAT is ok then PHUCK should be ok too...as long as it's spelled with a PH.

I can say, "Phuck you!" and if anyone looks at me strangely or gets mad I'll just explain, "You've got it all wrong. I said F*&^ with a PH....you know....the good kind. It means have a nice day." I'm sure that person will see the light, hug me and say, "Well then, phuck you too." We'll be life long friends, I'm sure.

Let's go one better and add a silent H at the beginning of a word. You could say to your spouse, "Oh my God, you are such a hmoron!!" When he/she gets insulted you just reply, "I didn't mean moron. I said hmoron, you know, with a silent H at the beginning. It means "best person in the world."

Ah....what a passive-aggressive nation we've become.
What's your new word?

Happy Belated Birthday, Lillianna

2010-11-12T18:47:00.006-05:00

My precious child left a comment on an old birthday post and asked why I hadn't written about her turning 13 this year. Can you hear the knife stabbing into my heart? OY!
She's a good Jewish girl throwing that guilt around. I taught her well.

The reality is that work keeps me busy and when I get home I am so exhausted I'm lucky if I stay awake after dinner. The first time I've written on this blog in months was yesterday or the day before....I've already forgotten.

So here ya go, Noodle..........My very precious daughter turned 13 on October 3rd. Yes, she's officially a teen. I'm going to officially need therapy. I know these are the years that kids pull away from their parents and bond with their friends but it's killing me....and yet I'm so proud of her too. How can that be? It's like an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp. How can it be both? It simply is.

She's a good girl with wonderful friends. Some friends she is very close to and others she is moving away from. Sometimes I'm sad for the change but I know it has to happen. My friend Robin and I drifted apart in 7th grade so I know how painful it can be. You are simply not the same person at 13 that you were when you were 6. Some gaps can not be bridged so you cross the bridge, wave good bye and move on. No one is right and no one is wrong. The relationship changed.

I remember when Kara was a teenager and I was in my late 20s and I used to say to her, "I love you because you are my sister but if we were the same age we would never be friends!!" We both agreed that was true. Of course even that relationship changed over the years and we are very close and adore each other. Go figure!

Lillianna is different.She is sweet, funny, smart, kind, loving, compassionate and a real snappy dresser! She hangs out with a great group of kids but when I was that age I was kind of quiet and I liked one on one relationships. I didn't do things in groups the way she does.

I think Lillianna is like Kara and that's ok with me since I love both them. I'm proud of the way Lillianna has turned out even when she ignores me or rolls her eyes at me. She is the perfect daughter for me. If I could change one thing about her I'd change the way she tells me that I'm not "hip and happening" because I totally know I am!! Would an unhip mom take her to see Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston next week? Huh? Would they? I don't think so.

Happy belated birthday to my 13 year old daughter. I love you!

P.S. Lillianna, your father says you're killing him!!

Buy a Dictionary!

2010-11-10T20:52:00.003-05:00

I often write about spelling mistakes but that's because they drive me insane.
On Monday I drove by a restaurant that had a chalkboard sign outside.
It read: WE ARE A FULL SERVICE RESTURANT

Oh how tempted I was to walk in the front door and say, "If you can't spell restaurant then you shouldn't have one!" But alas, I simply drove by without stopping.

I also pass by a sub shop every day. Their new sign says,
It's not to late for Thanksgiving dinner. I understand that you can choose from two, too or to and golly jeepers that can be a tough call but if you don't know which one to use please ask someone. I make errors too, to, two but I don't post them on signs for all to see, sea. If I make a blogging boo boo it's no big deal. I'm not a business. I'm just writing down the crap that's in my head. Businesses should ask 10 people to proof read a sign before they put it up.

The reality is that I'm not driving around looking for spelling errors. My eyes are just drawn to them. Whether it's a sign, a note from school or a flyer for some event, I find the spelling mistake. It's a curse....really it is.

More Teen Moms?

2010-11-10T20:34:00.004-05:00

When Pregnant at 16 started on MTV I thought it was stupid. When Lillianna started watching it I thought it would be good for young girls to see how difficult it would be to be a teen mom. Maybe this show would prevent teen pregnancies. So, I ended up following the girls through their show and on to their follow up show, Teen Moms.

I usually watch this show with Lillianna as I comment along the way. What 13 year old girl wouldn't love the additional remarks from her mother? When Farrah walked away from Sophie who was playing on the bed and then Sophie fell off the bed I said, "Do you know why that baby fell off the bed?" Without letting Lillianna answer I said, "Because she has a teen mom who is preoccupied with talking on the phone instead of watching her daughter, that's why!"

When Catelyn was crying as she handed Carly over to her adoptive parents I asked, "Do you know how you can avoid crying hysterically like that?" This time I waited for an answer. Lillianna sighed, rolled her eyes and said, "Yes, Mom....don't be a teen mom." I smiled proudly and said, "That's right. Good girl. You have been listening!"

Okay, so here we are. The show is over. I'm thinking maybe these teen moms did some good in the world and teen girls are thinking first before having unprotected sex.
BUT NO!!!!!! There is another whole batch of them waiting in the wings.

The next edition of Pregnant at 16 has already begun. While these girls were watching the first round of Pregnant at 16 they thought that looked like a good idea and then they got pregnant!!! What the hell is wrong with everyone???

I know some women who were teen moms and they are wonderful people raising fantastic children but it's not a goal a teen girl should have. MTV is giving these girls their 15 minutes of fame and everyone seems to be winning here except the babies.

I may not be a perfect mom but I've lived 35 years longer than my child and I learned some stuff during those years. I know much more now than I did at 16. I wish girls would get their education first and then think about motherhood down the road.

MTV should find a better way to help teens. These shows seem to encourage the very thing they're trying to prevent.

What are you protesting?

2010-03-04T19:15:00.004-05:00

An old friend of mine sent me a link to a petition that was circulating several years ago protesting gay marriage. I'm not sure why people would care who got married unless they were directly involved. There was a time that inter-racial and inter-faith marriages were taboo. If that hadn't changed by 1994 then Rich and I wouldn't have gotten married. He's not Jewish.

Times have to change and people as a group have to evolve. I'm not saying that everyone on the planet has to agree with me because they don't. I'm just suggesting that petitions shouldn't be written or signed to ban basic human rights.

There are things in this world that I could do without but I don't have the need to control what everyone else gets to do. I hate liver! I used to eat chopped liver on Ritz crackers at Nana's house on almost every Jewish holiday until I was around 6 or 7 years old. That's the time Mom and I were in the grocery store and I saw a package of LIVER! That's when it clicked. It was liver inside your body,liver, not some random name of a food that we were just calling liver. I never ate it again.

The first word I made someone teach me when I was in Israel was liver. Why? Because every time I asked what something was they would say, "I don't know how you say in English." I'd ask, "Does it moo? cluck? gobble? oink?" Since I got very little response with that I learned the word cah-ved That was always my first question, "Is it cah-ved?" That really helped me out during my 2 years there.

So,I hate liver but never once did I say I was starting a petition to ban the sales of liver in the state of Massachusetts. The reason for that is because I know a lot of people who adore liver especially with a side of onions. When they talk of that meal they have the same sparkle in their eye that I get when I think of mushroom pizza from my favorite restaurant.

Liver and I can co-exist in peace and harmony and I don't have to spoil things by trying to take it away from those who enjoy it. I'm not a control freak. I believe in live and let live.

Life is complicated and having a soul mate to share it with makes the world a happier and better place. I believe 2 people who love each other should be married if they choose to be married. I just hope they don't invite me over for a liver dinner!

I do have a daughter,right?

2010-02-21T20:53:00.004-05:00

February school vacation meant that I worked full 8 hour days instead of only 6 hours because Lillianna was at a friend's house and I didn't have to hurry home to get her off the bus. When Lillianna was younger I didn't work as many hours as I do now so I just took the few days of vacation off and we spent time together. Even if that were possible now, Lillianna doesn't want to hang with her mom. She wants to be having fun with her friends.

It's the normal course of things, I know, and honestly I thought I was prepared for it but it's still difficult. Lillianna and I spent Saturday night and Sunday night at Kara's last weekend and then I went home on Monday. Lil stayed Monday night too and Rich brought her home on Tuesday after work.

She slept at home Tuesday night.....hooray! Then I brought her to Emily's Wednesday morning. She slept there Wednesday and Thursday night and I picked her up after work on Friday.
Last night she went to Aneya's house for a birthday sleep over and Rich picked her up at 11am and brought Lil and Carly to Sarah's house for the afternoon. She finally came home at 5pm.

Lillianna had a blast all week and that's all that is important. At 12, I'm happy that she has good friends who she enjoys being with. I would hate to have a clingy tween who couldn't make a move without me. That would mean I failed as a mother and I never want to do that.

So, ya, I do have a daughter and I'm going to snuggle with her before we both go to bed. She may be independent but she'll always needs lots of love from Mom.

How do you make beaded fruit?

2009-12-05T21:12:00.002-05:00

Lillianna was just looking through some scrap books that I made over the past few years. She happened to find some pictures from the 70s and asked, "How do you make beaded fruit?" That just made me laugh as it brought back so many memories of my childhood.

When I was Lillianna's age, beaded fruit was all the rage. Everyone I knew had a bowl of beaded fruit in their house. That's just the way it was.My mother was always beading fruit and it looked like fun so I begged her to teach me how to do it.

I taped a dime to my thumb, put a pin through a bead and pushed it in to the fuzzy fake pear. Ouch! That was a bit painful and not as easy as it looked. I tried again. After about 10 beads I was tired, sore and bored. I told my mother I was done. She just shrugged and continued beading a banana.

I'll never know what the fascination with beaded fruit was all about in the 70s but I hope that's one of the fads that doesn't return in the future.

New Design

2009-11-24T16:18:00.003-05:00

Just checking out my new design. Not sure if I need more pink or more beans. Let me see what this looks like.

Still working on the jellybeans

2009-10-11T19:17:00.002-04:00

My friend Jaime is working on the jellybean situation. I think I'll feel more motivated to write once my beans are back. It's sad but true that I am inspired by cotton candy jellybeans. My wedding band is engraved with "cotton candy jellybeans 10/2/93" since that is the day Rich and I met and I was eating cotton candy jellybeans at the time.

Also, as I walked down the aisle at our wedding I could see the head table. We were married at the same place we had the reception. Rich had put a small clear piano filled with cotton candy jellybeans on my plate and it made me smile when I saw it.

This is why I love my cotton candy jellybeans. Of course sometimes I'm motivated by a mushroom pizza....I'm rather fickle at times.

Lillianna's party

2009-10-03T21:36:00.001-04:00

At the moment I have 7 12 year olds in my house. That's all I have to say.

Where are my jellybeans?

2009-09-10T19:46:00.000-04:00

I haven't been inactive for 90 days. I want my jellybean logo back!!

The Death of Michael Jackson

2009-06-27T20:23:00.003-04:00

Everyone I know is mourning Michael Jackson's death. Ya, it's sad. He was only 50 years old. He changed the music and dance world with his unique style. I'm not disputing that. I just think that he was hot and sexy when he was still black but he turned into a whacko once he started with his plastic surgery addiction and became white.

I've heard all the stories about his horrible childhood. No one should have to go through life being abused especially when a parent is the abuser. That makes it a million times worse in my eyes. The adults that should be protecting you are causing the pain and for that I hope there is a special hell that all abusers will go to.

At lunch the other day my co-workers all said they don't believe he sexually abused the 3 boys that accused him. That whole thing is "iffy" in my book. I tend to believe it happened even if Michael Jackson didn't think he was doing anything inappropriate at the time. Child molestation is never right even if the molester doesn't know the difference between right and wrong.

So I'm not crying my eyes out over his death. I'm not really feeling much at all. I liked some of his music. A lot of tunes bring back special memories from my younger years but I'm not heart broken and in mourning like so many people I've seen over the past couple of days.

He may be a pop icon but he was also a pretty odd and creepy guy.

911.....What's your emergency?

2009-03-04T23:43:00.003-05:00

You have to be a special kind of moron to call 911 for a chicken nugget emergency unless the nugget is lodged in your throat and you are in danger of choking to death.

I wouldn't even call the non-emergency police line to handle this dispute. I'm an adult. I'm pretty sure that if I ordered chicken McNuggets and they were out of them, I could choose something else or I could get my money back and run off to Kentucky Fried Chicken for a variety of chicken snacks.

The woman in Florida who called 911 to resolve her McNugget problem should be thrown in jail. I believe she was fined for misusing 911 but I don't think that is enough.
People need to know that 911 is not the number to call for every minor argument. It's there for emergency situations only. "Oh my gosh they're out of my favorite chicken meal," is not an emergency no matter how that crazy broad tried to spin it.

There is no such thing as a chicken emergency unless it's a giant mutant chicken who is crushing people with it's huge mutant feet and you're afraid that it will take over the world. If that's the case, give 911 a jingle. A S.W.A.T. team may be needed.
Bravo to you for helping save the planet.

What do you think is an appropriate punishment for the nugget lady?

Do chickens really need these?

2009-01-06T06:33:00.002-05:00

Over the past few years as my age has been creeping up on me, I've noticed that occasionally, I don't pay 100% attention to what I hear or see. My hearing and vision are fine but sometimes my mind is just elsewhere and my brain interprets the wrong message.

Yesterday as I drove by Kentucky Fried Chicken I noticed a sign that I thought said,
NEW CHICKEN DIAPERS! I was stunned. Do chickens need diapers? If so, why would they sell them at KFC? Then I took another look and it actually said DIPPERS not diapers.
Well that made more sense! I laughed and drove on by.

Two years ago I had my radio turned to WRKO which is a talk radio station. I came in the middle of a conversation but I found it intriguing. They were talking about the mating habits of rabbis! As a Jewish woman I hadn't realized that rabbis had actual mating habits but I stopped to listen and I was horrified. I couldn't believe that something like this would be on the radio.

Before they took a short break they announced that they'd continue talking about the mating habits of RABBITS after this message. Rabbits? Not rabbis? I felt like Emily Litella from Saturday Night Live....."never mind!"

Happy 2009!

2009-01-04T22:05:00.002-05:00

Last year wasn't my favorite year but 2009 has started off on a good note.

Rich moved back in right before Christmas and things are great.
We had a wonderful Christmas Eve at Debby and Mark's house as usual.
Christmas Day at Kara's was so much fun and then her baby shower was 3 days later and it was a huge success. Everyone had a great time.

Kara will be 35 weeks on Wednesday and Charly Lyn is over 4 pounds now so Kara did really well with being on bedrest all this time. She is safe to have the baby any time now.We are all very excited and impatiently waiting for this child to arrive and join our family.

My nana always told me, "This is going to be your year." She said that every year because she was so optimistic. I do hope 2009 brings us all happiness,peace and prosperity. We really need a change.

This "new" invention looks familiar

2008-11-20T10:49:00.003-05:00

I'm off today so instead of relaxing like I thought I would I am cleaning every single room. The t.v. is on in the background and I heard a commercial that sounded interesting so I went to see what the product looked like. Kara and Lillianna are always cold so I thought maybe this would be something I would buy for them.

The commercial was for Snuggie,the fleece blanket with sleeves.

I hate to be the one to break this to the inventor of this great product but the snuggie is A BATHROBE!!!! How is this not a bathrobe?
How did this get by the patent people? Are we so stupid that they thought we wouldn't recognize a bathrobe if it had a new name?

Maybe I'll come up with some new products too.
How about knitted finger warmers? (Don't confuse them with gloves!)
High rubber shoes that protect you from the snow. (They're kind of like boots but not boots.)
Beneath your outerwear. (Let's not say underwear since it's a new product!)

So here's my challenge: Make up some of your own new/old products and either write about them on your own blog or leave them as comments for me. We could all get rich with a new invention. That would solve our money problems!

Like Mother,Like Daughter

2008-11-07T21:16:00.003-05:00

Lillianna got her 1st report card of 5th grade today. She got all As!!!!I didn't give it much thought before I got it but I figured she'd get As and Bs. I had no idea she'd get high honors.

That's my girl!!

Congratulations to my intelligent daughter.

An interesting headline

2008-10-31T07:19:00.002-04:00

So the headline reads,"Why Americans are still cutting back on spending." I didn't even look at it. What new information can this article provide?
The reason that Americans are cutting back on spending is because....

WE HAVE NO FREAKIN' MONEY TO SPEND!!!

I guess that's all I have to say.

Tomorrow is Kara's birthday!!

2008-10-19T20:25:00.002-04:00

It's all true....tomorrow Kara turns 34. Damn! I remember the day she was born. I've probably told Kara the story of her birth for the past 33 years. Sometimes it seems like she hates hearing about when she was younger so I'll spare her the story this year...maybe. We'll have to see.It's a good story and it always makes me cry.

Anyway...the funny thing is this:

I got married at 31 and Kara who was 19 at the time told me that 31 was way too old to get married for the first time. She got married at 32.
I got pregnant at 34 but by the time Lillianna was born I was 35. Kara told me that was too old to be pregnant for the first time. She is turning 34 tomorrow and she is due with her first child....probably her only one too.

I guess age is all relative..... especially when relatives are involved.

Well everyone knows that I absolutely adore my sister so with all the love in my heart I say.....Happy Birthday to my favorite sister. I hope this year will be filled with lots of joy and unexpected wonderful surprises.

On your next birthday your daughter will be 9 months old!
Just think about that!

I love you!

Don't come to my house for dinner

2008-10-19T20:17:00.003-04:00

It's no secret that I hate to cook but tonight I made a dinner that all 3 of us like....well,at least we used to.

Lillianna has a new addiction to Soy Vay terriyaki sauce. She likes this marinade on salmon,beef tips and chicken.

Rich is kind of a bland guy but the last time I made chicken in this sauce he ate it. I made him a baked potato and made sweet potato french fries for me and Lillianna.

The chicken was too saucy and dry. Rich's baked potato was over baked and hard on the bottom. The sweet potato fries were more squishy than usual so I broiled them for a few minutes and Lillianna hated that.

Dinner was horrible event though I had the best of intentions.
So,if you're looking for a good meal don't come to my house for dinner. Apparently I can't cook!

I could get my master's degree

2008-10-15T19:38:00.002-04:00

Yup....it's all true. I could get my master's degree in just 15 months. I thought something like that was time consuming but hey... 15 months is just a bit over one year. I know people who spent years getting that thing. Idiots!

The internet ad says I can get my degree online,any time,any where. That's just awesome. I can be anything I want to be even if I've never taken a course before. Golly gee....college life has sure changed since I was in school. I think I'll be something wicked smaht...ya know,like a professa.

So....whaddya think?

What's the big deal about being gay?

2008-10-14T18:05:00.004-04:00

Clay Aiken recently revealed he was gay. I read an article about him and he said he was afraid his fans would be upset or that people would turn against him. The only way this news would've disturbed me is if I'd been dating Clay and I had hoped he would propose soon. Yes,then the news would've devastated me because it would've had a huge impact on my life. No wedding for me and the love of my life is gay? That would totally suck!....but that's not the case.

I really don't care what anyone is doing in his/her life unless it's harmful to someone else or if it directly impacts my life. Is that selfish? I just think everyone has a right to live his/her own life.

I remember when there was all that hoopla about Sponge Bob Square Pants being gay.
Can a sponge be gay? Do we really have to have a conversation about that?

I wrote a post about a book that told the true story of 2 male penguins.

I just think the world is ridiculous. Live and let live. Isn't that a motto somewhere?

Happy 11th Birthday Lillianna!!

2008-10-03T06:11:00.002-04:00

Today Lillianna is 11. She woke up at 4:30am to go to the bathroom and then she stayed up. The alarm was set for 4:45am anyway because she wanted to count down to 4:59am which is the time she was born so 4:30am wasn't too early for us.

She opened her presents and then I came in here to type up her birthday notes that I put on all her food in her lunch box. Here's what I did this year.

On her peanut butter and fluff sandwich:

Hey....is that you peanut butter?
No...it's a tuna sandwich! Of course it's me!
Did you hear that today is Lillianna's 11th birthday?
That's impossible...Lillianna is like...I don't know....5??
Ya...she was 5 about 6 years ago. Today she is 11.
You'd think she would be eating something more mature like caviar.
She's not gonna eat peanut butter and fluff and fish eggs!
Ya...that is kinda gross.
Ya think??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY,LILLIANNA!!

On her bottle of water:

I am no ordinary bottle of H2O.
I've got stuff in me that makes you grow.
I think it's mold and fungus and stuff
No...I'm just joking
to make you luff...uhm...laugh
(Why didn't I just rhyme something with laugh?
Lots of words rhyme with laugh...
half,calf,staff...is that it?
No wonder I rhymed it with luff!!)
Happy Birthday!

On her Scooby Doo fruit snacks:

Scooby Snacks?
How is there a surviving pack
of fruit snacks in here?
Didn't Lillianna eat them all up on Sunday??
Oh,her mom bought her another pack?
Good thing too. That Lillianna is a
total fruit snack pig. No offense!
Oh ya...and Happy Birthday!Oink!

On her cupcake.

My name is Drake.
I am a cupcake.
So yummy and gooooood
a sugary food.
(Did ya like how I made good
into gooooood so it rhymed with
food? That takes great talent.
Oh ya and....Happy Birthday!)

On her peanutbutter crackers:

Crackers crackers in a pack
I'm a healthy energy snack
When you feel the need to eat
choose me for your special treat!!
Happy Birthday from the cracker pack!

On her granola bar:

Granola is so good for you
oats and bran and tree bark too
That can't be right it can't be true
If you pooped a tree what would you do?
Happy Birthday from your
thoughful granola bar!

And here's the note from me:

Happy 11th Birthday

I don't know how it's come again
It seems like you were only 10
one year ago with ten little candles
It's just way more than your mom can handle

And now one candle is added this year
You have turned eleven so stand up and cheer
for one whole year you'll be eleven
but next year you'll be five plus seven
(that's 12 for those who can't do the math)

Happy birthday to my precious girl
you're the brightest star in my whole world.

(Ya I get that girl and world don't actually rhyme
but I think I can make it rhyme and that's called
poetic license. It's not like a driving license
because you can't make up your own rules when
you drive. You'd just get arrested if you did but
when you write poetry you can kind of do what you
want and call it poetry. Isn't that cool?)

Happy Birthday Lillianna!!!

So those are my crazy birthday notes. They always make her laugh so I keep writing them. Tonight she is having a bunch of her friends sleep over and one of my co-workers who is a manicurist will be coming to do their nails. I love her sleep overs. They're always so much fun for all of us.

My child is almost 11!

2008-10-01T20:56:00.002-04:00

Lillianna will be 11 on Friday. Eleven! What kind of number is that? It's a darn scary one,that's for sure. Yesterday while I was waking her up for school I told her it was fun raising her so far but 11 is out of my league so I'm going to trade her in for a 5 and 6 year old. I'm good with those ages! Lillianna just laughed and said,"You helped raise Auntie and she was 11!"
I rolled my eyes and said,"Fine....I guess I'll keep you!"

That kid has an answer for everything. She knows she is the joy of my life even though I torture her whenever I can. That's my favorite part of motherhood.
She knows there are surprises ahead that I won't tell her about but that's so much fun for me. I love to torture her by keeping her surprises a secret.

If you're reading this,Lillianna,and hoping that I'll reveal something.....too bad! Not gonna happen!! You'll just have to wait and see.

One more day of being 10 and then.....the number will change. *sigh* My baby isn't a baby anymore. I just pray the teen years will be good for us and that I won't have to go on Dr.Phil with my out of control teen in a few years.

Happy(almost)Birthday,Noodle!! I love you!!

Twenty One Years Ago Today

2008-09-29T14:36:00.004-04:00

Every time I see the date September 29th my heart breaks. It's been 21 years since my dad died but in a lot of ways it seems like it just happened yesterday.

Every year I get a little sadder as I remember all the good times I shared with my father. He was just so wonderful and he died way too soon. I wrote about the day he died two years ago so if you'd like you can read about it here.

The good news is that Lillianna came running into the living room yesterday because her radio turned on and off by itself and she was freaked out. I just laughed and told her not to worry. Dad does something like that on his birthday in May and on the anniversary of when he died.He loved music and it's his way of saying he's here. I always know he's around but it's fun when he gives me a little sign.

Also,I haven't really said much about Kara's pregnancy but IT'S A GIRL!!....and she's naming the baby after our dad,Charlie,and her mother-in-law Linda. My little niece will be named Charley Lynn. We are so excited to have a Charley back in the family.

You'd think after 21 years I wouldn't have anymore tears to shed over my dad but you'd be wrong. I cried through this whole post.

I try to keep my dad's memory alive so that Lillianna will know all about the grandfather that she never knew. My Uncle Robert,(Dad's brother)always tells funny stories about Dad which I love. I'm still learning things about him that I never knew. That's so much fun for me and I treasure all those stories.

It's so weird that Dad would've been 72 this past May but for me he will always be
51. Considering I'll be 46 in a few months that is really strange for me to think he wasn't much older than I am now when he died. I try not to think about that.

I miss you, Daddy!

Lillianna's first dance

2008-09-20T18:22:00.003-04:00

Lillianna went to her first dance last night.
You can read about it here.

I can't believe she will be 11 in less than 2 weeks. Time sure flies when you're a mom.

I just had to laugh!

2008-09-12T15:54:00.002-04:00

I wrote about a Yoplait yogurt commercial over a year ago.
It's a dippy commercial and I find the people in it to be a tad bitter. So I wrote about....that's what I do.....I write.
Today I got this comment.

Wow... I've never read anyone be so bitter about a commercial. Talk about over analyitcal. Try going out and doing something to brighten your life because you just make me feel like everyone should be royally ticked off at all times. AT YOGURT!

At first I felt angry because I have never left a nasty or rude comment on anyone's blog in all the years I have been online. I feel they are unnecessary. If I don't like what someone has written I just move on. I don't say one word. Why be a bitch,right?

After reading this for the second time it made me laugh. She is accusing me of being bitter but she was bitter about the fact that she thought I was bitter for no reason. That's just funny!!

Doesn't anyone use a camera anymore?

2008-08-24T16:36:00.003-04:00

Lillianna has her 2 friends over today,Michael and Katie. The four of us were playing a board game that uses large plastic chips. Michael put a chip in each eye and he looked like Little Orphan Annie. We all laughed because he really looked funny.

Michael said,"Quick,somebody get a phone and take my picture."

That's how I know this is 2008. It's a sign of the times!

Why is history repeating itself?

2008-08-04T22:19:00.002-04:00

Rich brought a box to the house the other day which had been stored in the trunk of his car for 5 years. It was filled with all my diaries! I had no idea that that's where they had been. I thought they were lost. (Rich had a bunch of boxes in his trunk due to lack of storage space in the apartment.)

I started reading them. I was shocked and very sad. Starting from 1978 when I was 15 years old and going until 1993 when I was 30 the entries all sound about the same. Even in my diaries from Israel 1985-1987 it's all the same.

"I love ______. (Insert any American or Israeli male name here.) Why can't he just love me for me? Why does he play these stupid games with me? When will I ever be happy? When will _______ (Insert male name again.)just show me some affection? Am I so difficult to love?"

It's all the same....over and over and over again.
Here I am at 45. My marriage has been the longest relationship that I've ever had and yet if I were to write a diary entry today I could still use the formula above. Nothing has changed. I am still waiting for the right man to love me unconditionally and to be affectionate. My life hasn't changed in 30 years. I think that is even sadder than Rich leaving.

Cereal for one

2008-08-03T18:40:00.002-04:00

When Lillianna and I go food shopping each week she usually picks out a cereal. I always tell her,"Try to pick something that you can share with Daddy." Rich is a huge fan of cold cereal. He can devour a box in two meals.

Today when we got to the cereal aisle I said,"Pick whatever you want,honey." Lillianna got quiet and then said,"Because I don't have to share it with Daddy anymore." I burst into tears.

This transition is really tough.

I guess life goes on

2008-07-31T20:08:00.003-04:00

A few weeks before my 40th birthday in 2003, Rich told me that he didn't want to be married anymore because he was unhappy so he moved out. It was completely devastating to me and to our poor 5 year old daughter. I will never get that picture out of my head. Lillianna was sitting on Rich's lap and she held his face in her hands and cried,"Why Daddy?....Why??" That memory still makes me sick.

All marriages have their ups and downs. I don't know anyone with a fairytale marriage. So imagine my surprise when Lillianna and I came home after a fun dinner at her favorite Chinese restaurant and we saw Rich's car in the lot. He was supposed to be at his night job until 10pm.

The first thing I noticed was that the end of the table where Rich paints his soldiers was empty. I asked him why he put his stuff away. He gave a vague answer but I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Finally he said he was moving out.

Just like that...he wasn't happy and he was leaving. When he moved back in 5 years ago he had said that he would never ever leave me and Lillianna again but lo and behold he lied.

So in the end I told him to just go tonight. I didn't want him here anymore. He left.
Now it's just me and Lillianna and that's just fine with me.

Bridezillas

2008-07-20T20:05:00.002-04:00

Lillianna is absolutely fascinated by the show Bridezillas. Sometimes I watch it because I just don't believe that there are brides out there who act like complete bitches before,during and after their wedding. It always kills me when the bride spends millions of dollars and the groom just shrugs and says,"Whatever you want,sweetie." Who are these men who take such crap from their future wife?

I got married almost 14 years ago and my wedding was nothing like the ones I have seen on this show. On today's episode,the bride was helping pick out her maid of honor's dress. She admitted that she wanted to find the ugliest dress for her m.o.h. because she didn't want anyone to out shine her on her special day.

I took my bridesmaids and my maid of honor (my dear sister,Kara)to several bridal shops so that they could pick out whatever dress they liked best. I had been to a wedding years ago and the bridesmaids had an off the shoulder gown and they spent all night pulling up their dress so that their breasts wouldn't pop out. That seemed like a lot of work to me so I wanted my bridal party to be beautiful and comfortable. I never worried about someone out shining me. I just wanted everyone to be happy.

In Bridezillas today, the bride's future mother-in-law was a florist and she was going to do all the flowers. The bride wanted the most expensive flowers that were out of season. She also wanted crystals hanging from the flowers. Her poor MIL was horrified and told her it would look like a trailer park wedding.The bride yelled,"I've been dreaming of my wedding since I was 4 years old!! This is what I want!" I handled my florist a bit differently.

Mom and Kara came with me on the first meeting with my florist. She began showing us books and asking about what I had in mind. I asked her,"Have you done any other weddings before mine?" She laughed and said she had been doing this for many years. Handing her a piece of the bridesmaids dresses I said,"Great! This is what my bridesmaids will be wearing. Create something that will look pretty with this."

She was stunned and asked if I had any ideas. I said,"I have nothing in mind. I don't know anything about flowers and since you do,I'm leaving it in your hands." She thought I was very easy going. My flowers were absolutely gorgeous!

We got married at the same place where our reception was held and when I met with the woman in charge of the hall she asked me what kind of linens I wanted. Again,I showed her my bridesmaid's dress and said,"Since you've done this before,do whatever you think will be best. I have no idea about color schemes." She was thrilled and the end result was perfect.

The only thing that caused a controversy was the music. Mom insisted on a live band and I wanted a DJ. I hate live bands at a wedding. I can't ever recognize the tune until it's too late. With a DJ, everything sounds the way it's supposed to. I stood my ground and in the end Mom said if I had to have a DJ then she would find the best one for me.....and she did.

I don't know why these women enjoy being a bridezilla. I would be horrified and embarrassed if I acted like that. Well,I guess that's what makes great t.v. No one would watch if the bride was sweet and easy going.

The very first peanut butter and jam sandwich!

2008-07-12T19:43:00.003-04:00

Kara called me today to tell me that she and Peter went to the beach. Her appetite has been off since SHE IS PREGNANT!!!! Yup...it's true. I feel like I've been waiting a century for this news but my sister is expecting her first baby 3 days after my birthday.....that's February 12th for people who don't know mine is the 9th.

I was stunned to learn that Kara has NEVER eaten a peanut butter sandwich in her 33 1/2 years but today she had some of Peter's peanut butter and seedless raspberry jam sandwich and she loved it.

Who knows....she may even try a peanut butter and fluff sandwich. That's what Lillianna lives on during the school year.

So hooray for Kara and her very first pb&j and hooray for me because I'm going to be an auntie!!! Well.....I guess Kara and Peter deserve the credit for that one.

When do I get to have fun?

2008-06-07T11:34:00.002-04:00

Chaos! That's the only word that describes my apartment right now. Nothing is in it's place and most things don't really have a place because the apartment isn't big enough to hold all our precious belongings. My side of the closet has 2 giant Rubbermaid bins that hold our Christmas stuff so I don't have any space on the floor. I refuse to pay $50 a month for storage for because it's way too expensive.

Lillianna is making a 4 bedroom house out of cardboard for a class project and all the paper,paints,cardboard and this giant house are taking up the living room and dining room. Thank goodness it's due on Monday. I'll be happy to get those rooms back to normal....whatever that means.

It's 90 something degrees out today and of course Lillianna wants to go to the pool. Neither one of us has a bathing suit. She outgrew all of hers and mine was kind of coming apart last year so I don't think I can wear it again. Meanwhile,the clutter in here is giving me an anxiety attack. I'm almost done with my bedroom and then I'm off to the kitchen. Somewhere along the way I have to shower.

If I can finish everything by 3pm then we'll go bathing suit shopping. I can't relax until this place looks half way decent. I look forward to the weekends and then I can't enjoy them. That sucks!

Burn Baby Burn!

2008-06-03T21:51:00.002-04:00

The two fourth grade classes recorded poems and plays on a CD. Lillianna's teacher wanted to find a company that would make 50 copies of this CD so that each child could have one. I told Lillianna that I would make 25 and I could probably persuade another mom to do the other 25.

I started making them yesterday and after 3 hours tonight,they're all done. I burned all 50 of them myself. I'm exhausted. I never want to see another CD!
Lillianna is very proud of me. That makes it all worth it.

I just wanted a phone without a cord

2008-05-31T19:55:00.002-04:00

About 4 years ago our cordless phone broke. For some reason I bought an old fashioned phone with a cord to replace it. At first it was mounted on the wall but that didn't really work because I could only stand directly in front of the phone when I was using it. No movement was possible. That's when I pulled if off the wall and let it sit on the little table beneath it. This gave me about 3 feet of roaming room. Basically, I could reach the sink in the kitchen or possibly with a good stretch I could reach the microwave.

Yesterday, I went shopping for a new phone.
Lillianna and I went to Target and stood in the aisle where the phones were on display. They ranged in price from $20 to $200. The cheaper one looked cheap and the high end phone could basically mow your lawn if necessary.I just wanted a phone without a cord.

I read each description as I made my way down the aisle. One phone came with 3 handsets. You could use the phone as a child monitor or an intercom system through out the house. I'm in an apartment. What the heck do I need that for? My idea of a monitor is yelling in the next room,"Lil?" She yells,"What?" and I say,"Just checking." She's 10. That's good enough for me. As for an intercom,well,my voice travels.

I thought I could choose a phone without too much trouble but I was stumped. One phone had a built in answering machine but I already have voice mail through comcast. That would just confuse me. One phone was able to access the internet. I have a computer for that. I just want a phone that's a phone without a cord!!

Knowing that Rich was waiting for us in the car,I flagged down an employee who helped me choose my phone. It's just what I wanted. It does have a 411 Google button for information which I'm not too sure about but other than that it's a phone without a cord. Finally!

Little trampy pre-schoolers

2008-05-16T19:27:00.002-04:00

Why did Beyonce go and create a clothing line for little tramps....I mean girls.
Have you seen the ads? check out this one.

Gonzo and Wendy Murphy were talking about this subject on WRKO this morning and I was stunned. Beyonce has created spandex,feathered boas and hoochie clothes for young innocent girls. Plus,she also has what every little girl should have....stilettos!

I want names of the mothers who are buying these clothes. Lillianna had a boa in her dress up box when she was younger and it could still be there but she doesn't tart herself up and wear it outside the home. I wouldn't allow it.

I don't even let her wear pants that have writing on the butt. She's ten. Don't be looking at my kid's butt!

I'm sure pedophiles are thanking Beyonce right now for supporting their cause. Go ahead and make the little ones look like adults. It's easier for the level 3 sex offenders to spot their prey.

I think this whole thing is pretty disgusting. Children should be children for as long as they can. If they choose to be a slut in their adult life then that is up to them. Any mother who buys this line of clothes for their precious little girl should be brought up on child abuse charges.

It's almost over

2008-05-07T14:21:00.003-04:00

I'm looking forward to May 20th because by then we'll be done with Girl Scouts,dancing school and Hebrew school for the next 2 1/2 months. YAHOO!
May is always a busy month but this year seems even more hectic.

Today is Lillianna's dress lesson at dancing school. Tomorrow is her last day of Girl Scouts so they're having a pizza party and a magician. Tomorrow night is our Lions Club meeting right after Girl Scouts. Saturday is her dress rehearsal and Sunday is Mother's Day.

Next week isn't so bad but next weekend I work on Saturday and then the dance recital is Sunday. Monday is our last Hebrew class.....then it's May 20th!!!

Once Lillianna gets out of school in June my work schedule will be horrible but I can deal with it for the summer.....I think.

Gotta run now and pick Lillianna up from school!!

What kind of illness is that?

2008-04-21T21:52:00.002-04:00

Rich got the flu and he was generous enough to share it with me.I'm not sure I really meant it when I agreed to love him in sickness and in health. I ended up missing 4 days of work last week!

Other than being out on maternity leave 10 years ago and recovering after my attack of pancreatitis 2 1/2 years ago,I have never missed 4 days of work in one week in the 17 years that I've been at my job. I was very tired and my throat and ears hurt. The nurse put me on amoxicillin and said to rest. I couldn't stop sleeping. Every time I woke up I wanted to go back to sleep.

I finally felt better for the first time on Saturday and I'm getting better every day. I actually slept late this morning and then started cleaning. Of course since I cleaned so much I took a 2 hour nap in the late afternoon but at least I'll be ready for work on Wednesday. I have today and tomorrow off because Lillianna is on vacation.

I was so surprised how knocked out I felt. The last time I was this sick was the winter of 1987 when I lived in Israel. My temperature was 103 which is extremely high for me because I almost never go above 99 no matter how sick I am. I may have other symptoms but I rarely run a fever.

I was too sick to even drag my body to see the nurses on the kibbutz so one of my friends went to tell them what my symptoms were.My friend came back with blue Acamol which is the equivalent of Tylenol with Codeine. I loved those blue pills back then. The nurses thought Acamol could cure anything and I guess it kind of did.

So when she gave me the pills she said that the nurse told her I had INFLUENZA!
My mouth dropped open. "Influenza????" I croaked in my raspy voice. "Don't people die from Influenza?" I kept thinking it was the Bubonic plague even though I wasn't actually sure what that entailed.

I kept repeating the dreaded disease to try to make sense of my diagnosis,"Influenza......Influenza.....Influenza...." Then it finally hit me and I asked,"Oh....do you mean I have The Flu?" My friend who was from England and probably knew what the hell Influenza was and wondered why I was going insane just nodded. Phew! I was relieved to learn that I would survive this illness.

So....that was my last big illness......21 years ago....that is until last week. I hate being sick but at least I was told I had a virus and not something like Scurvy 'cuz that would really make me crazy.

Wanna look thinner?.....buy this shirt!

2008-04-11T18:09:00.003-04:00

I was looking in Wal-Mart for a couple of somewhat dressy tops to wear to the temple on Saturday morning services. Everything in the plus size section was for old ladies and women who wanted to look pregnant. I am not in either category.

I passed by a display of striped shirts. The tag on the shirts read,"This will make you look instantly thinner." I took a good look at the shirt and I figured out their thin secret. The stripes are so swirly,just looking at them made me dizzy and I had to look away. I started to squint to make the pain in my head go away. The shirts were blinding. Of course I'd look thinner in it. Who could look at me? It's like looking at the sun! I had to shield my eyes.

If someone tried to look at me it would be impossible for them to keep their eyes open. I'd be Twiggy in the swirly striped shirt! What a great sneaky technique. Blind them with stripes!! Maybe I'll just paint over my old shirts and attach neon letters. I'll be so thin then!

Chest pains

2008-04-10T10:37:00.002-04:00

I had some chest pain and tingling down my left arm on Tuesday and it worried me. Since my hospitalization in 2005,every time I have some weird symptom I think this is the end. I was considering calling my pcp and canceling my hair appt to go see her but then the pain went away and I figured I'd be ok.

The pain had been happening all that day in work off and on and of course I don't want to die yet but denial is a fun place to be at times. So as I sat in the chair with color on my head,the pain and tingling returned. I called my pcp's office and was told she was on vacation. This was at 4:30pm and I wanted to get in before they closed although the color was still on my head! The secretary told me to call 911 and go to the hospital. I didn't want to do that.

When my hair was finished,my hairdresser Karen massaged some cream on my arm and back because I could feel a knot in my arm. Then she told me that my left shoulder was swollen. (I had my scrubs on so my shoulders were kind of poking out in the back and she could see the swelling.) I went home with Lillianna,had dinner and tried to ignore the symptoms that I figured were a pinched nerve or stress related.

Yesterday morning,Rich stayed home and took me to the doctor. I saw Allison who is a nurse that I have seen many times. I really like her. She said my back had knots and was really tight on the left side. She saw the swelling too. Before she came in the tingling had gone up the left side of my neck,face and head. I thought I was having a stroke.

Luckily it's all related to the muscles which is causing these problems. I'm on a muscle relaxer and I have to heat my back during the day. She told me to take yesterday and today off and I can go back tomorrow. I do feel much better today. The tingling is gone but the back pain is still there.

I have parent/teacher conferences at 2pm today and lunch with Lil and friends at 11:30am (early dismissal)so I didn't take the Flexoril. I need to drive and talk coherently and the Flexoril causes me to be tired and to sound drunk. I'll take a pill tonight!

As I was leaving I said to Allison,"Well....I'm glad I'm not dying!"
She smiled at me and said,"Not today."
For me....that was the best news I could've heard!

Clutter.....BE GONE!

2008-04-07T14:16:00.005-04:00

My bedroom was depressing me. We don't have any storage space in this apartment so it always seems cluttered.

I have a beautiful collections of fairies on my bureau that I haven't seen for months. Every now and then I get a glimpse of a glittery fairy wing but they're basically buried under a thousand little papers,stray socks,bills and layers and layers of dust. Just typing the word made me sneeze!

Due to a car problem this morning I ended up not going in to work. The car is fine now but I took it as a sign that I was meant to find meaning in the chaos of my bedroom and clean it all up! That's just what I did.

Except for a small messy space,this room is 95% better than it was this morning. I love it!! My lovely fairies are all displayed on my bureau without dust weighing them down. I have always gotten such joy from looking at my fairies and now I can do it again.

Some time last year I created a meditation area on the night stand next to my side of the bed. I took everything off of it and draped my sheer pink scarf from my matron of honor dress from Kara's wedding across the top. I placed about 10 or 15 things that brought me joy on the table: A large green candle with an "R" on it that Kara gave me, little porcelain hands that are cupped and hold tiny stones, the baobab tree that Liane gave me which reminds us of The Little Prince, a book on friendship from Liane (in case you can't tell,Liane is my very best friend in the world!), a flat stone that Lillianna painted purple for me and so on.

Over the past few months,the objects have disappeared under clutter. Today,they reappeared!!! My room is still a bit dusty but it's so much less cluttered and I can enjoy it again! Sometimes,I just have to realize I'm worth the effort!!

What's cookin'?.......

2008-04-03T13:33:00.002-04:00

......Rainbow chip cookies....that's what!

Today I am picking up Carly and Sarah from school since the girls have an extra Girl Scout meeting this week. Usually I'm at work until 4:30pm but I took the day off to go to school and view the puberty movie with 9 other moms. The 4th and 5th grade girls will be seeing it next week.

Since I knew I would be home all day I called Carly and Sarah's mom last week and asked if I could pick the girls up and then take them to their meeting. Usually Lillianna goes home on the bus with the girls and then Carly's mom drives them to the meeting. I pick up Lil and Carly after the meeting and Sarah is always off to soccer.

We only have about one hour at home after school before we have to leave but I wanted to have a yummy snack ready for them. They all love these cookies. I'm sure they'll be surprised.

Friday night dinner

2008-04-01T21:24:00.003-04:00

Lillianna and I went to Hebrew school last night and as always,we loved it. The temple has Shabbat services every Saturday morning and the first Friday of every month. This Friday there is a dinner after the services. I told Lillianna that I thought we should go Friday night and also on Saturday morning. She said okay although she wasn't thrilled because she is just learning to read Hebrew and she can't follow along in the prayer book.

I asked Seth,the cantor,if I could take home a prayer book to translate the prayers for Lillianna. He said to take it for as long as I needed it.
Seth had made a cd for Lillianna's friend Lauren and I made a copy of it. It has the whole service on it so that I could learn the tunes that they use. My temple used some different tunes so even though I know the words,the tune is unfamiliar to me.

Tonight,with the cd playing in the background,I wrote the transliteration for the prayers. For example our most important prayer is called The Sh'mah and I wrote it like this:

Sh'mah yisrael
Adonai elohaynoo
Adonai echad

That way,Lillianna can still sing along with us in Hebrew. It took me over an hour to type it all up and I still have 3 more to do before Friday but I think she's going to like services more now that she can participate.

I am so glad we are joining this temple in September. The people are just wonderful.

Say Cheese!

2008-03-29T19:49:00.003-04:00

Yesterday my furry nephew,Cody,turned 2. Today Kara threw him a little birthday party with her 2 step daughters,Lena and Bella and me and Lillianna. I guess not everyone throws a party for their chocolate lab but Cody is Kara's one true love (sorry Peter) and damn it,he was getting a party.

Last night Lena slept over here and I had the girls make chocolate covered strawberry marshmallows and chocolate dog bones and paw prints. I had the dog bone mold from Lillianna's Scooby Doo birthday and the paw prints from her Blue's Clues birthday several years ago. We put together a little chocolate platter to bring to Cody's party in honor of his special day.

When it came time for cake,Kara commanded Cody to sit in the dining room chair so that he was close to his birthday cake on the table. Cody is no lap dog although he will sit in your lap when you tell him too. He is an 80 pound bear!

So there we were all gathered around the big dining room table and Kara had me and the 3 girls stand around Cody so that she could get a picture...well several pictures. He was really a good sport about all this. I asked Kara if she wanted me to take a picture of her with her "baby" and she did.

What made me think I was smart enough to use a digital camera? Kara and the kids were hugging Cody and smiling at me as I attempted to push a button.
"Hold it down!" Kara instructed. I did. The screen went blank. Kara gave me a pitiful look and asked,"You shut it off,didn't you?" I said I did.

Then she told me to put it back on and hold the other button down. Oh...well why didn't she say that in the first place? I got them all in focus again and pushed the other button. Nothing happened. Kara yelled,"Hold it down!" I did. Something flashed. I pushed again. Flash flash. By that time Kara was just shaking her head at me and I burst into a fit of laughter. Then we were all laughing. In the end I think Lillianna took the picture.

The kids left the dining room and Kara decided she hadn't taken enough pictures of the chocolates. She put 2 big milk chocolate dog bones on the white frosted cake and took a picture. As they were lying there I said,"They kind of look like penises." She laughed and said,"You're right....they do!" When she removed them,the chocolate penises were covered in white frosting. I'll spare you Kara's comment about that.

So all in all,Cody had a very happy birthday and the day was filled with sugar and fun!

My body is smarter than I am

2008-03-28T20:26:00.002-04:00

No matter what I do,I can't fool my body. If I over carb,my blood sugar goes up whether I think it will or not. I guess I keep hoping my body will give me the benefit of the doubt and keep my blood sugar in a good range. How did I think that would happen?

Yesterday I toasted a whole grain bagel,slapped some 1/3 less fat cream cheese on it,grabbed my cup of coffee and ran out the door to bring Lillianna to school before eating my breakfast on the 30 minute drive to work. Two hours after eating, my blood sugar was 155. Of course it was. I over carbed and I knew it. Who was I really trying to fool?

After talking to a newly diagnosed diabetic yesterday I realized that I was once newly diagnosed too. My focus was to get myself into a healthy range and I did. That time passed and I got lazy. I gained some weight back and went into denial about food. If I want it I eat it and hope my sugar will be okay.I'm not only lazy but really stupid.

There was a guy on the radio yesterday talking about life changes. He said not to cut out all things that are yummy but just to cut down a bit and the weight would come off slowly. That would be something I could stick to.

This morning,I toasted half of the whole grain bagel and put peanut butter and sugar free jam on it. Two hours after eating,my sugar was 105...50 points lower than yesterday at the same time. Just by cutting down the carbs I could see a change. Honestly,after the half of bagel I was stuffed. I don't know how I ate the whole bagel yesterday. Well,that's not true....I know I eat without any thought. That's part of my problem.

I can't pledge that I'm going to make smart decisions every day but I'm sure going to try to make smarter decisions than I have in the past year.

Why am I so tired?

2008-03-22T20:32:00.003-04:00

The past two or three weeks have been hell for me. I'm totally exhausted every day. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get because I still wake up tired.
Usually after I get home from work and pick Lillianna up at school,I fall asleep on the couch for 2 hours before I make dinner. It's not that I'm just a little sleepy. I can't stay awake. I close my eyes for a second and two hours go by.

Today I had to shower and go food shopping but I kept falling asleep for 10 minutes or so and just when I thought I'd head into the shower,I'd have to nap again. I didn't shower until 4pm!

I googled the side effects of my blood pressure med that was increased from 10mg to 20mg several weeks ago and fatigue is one of them. I think I'll call my doctor on Monday. She had me take a blood test to check what kind of anemia I have but I never heard back from her. I think between the anemia and bp med increase I'm always one second away from napping. Not a good thing at all.

A special kind of hell

2008-03-20T21:05:00.004-04:00

I was just watching the news and once again they were talking about the abuse case of a local 7 year old boy. His mother's boyfriend burned his genitals with a cigarette,beat him with a belt and urinated on his head. According to the story,the boy told his mother who instructed him to keep this quiet.

Fortunately this boy reported the abuse to the school nurse and DSS was brought it. The mother and boyfriend are in custody.

My parents never hit me and Lillianna has never been hit. Who would hit their child?
I don't understand this at all and I probably never will.

I hug and kiss Lillianna a million times a day and she is always in my lap wanting to be snuggled. Today she had some aches and pains so I gave her some children's tylenol and I heated up my heating pad for her. She thanked me for taking care of her. I can't imagine not taking care of my child.

I hope there is a special kind of hell for child abusers.....I really do!

Profiling

2008-03-20T19:59:00.002-04:00

I was listening to talk radio this morning on the way to work and the topic was profiling at the airport. I never want to offend anyone but I'm tired of everyone trying to be politically correct. When it comes to airport safety I think profiling is a no-brainer.

I know that many groups feel that they are being harassed and singled out but here's the reality.....if a group of white Jewish moms in their mid 40s threaten the safety of the USA or the world then I would expect that security would pull me out of line and question me before letting me board my plane. I fit the profile.

Apparently there is some law suit going on in Israel about profiling and I think it's ridiculous. I've flown El-Al several times and the reason they haven't had their planes blown up is because of their meticulous security. There are a lot of people out to destroy Israel and the Israeli people and for the most part they belong to a certain group. I hope Israel continues to profile their airline passengers. It's been working so far!

A nice smooth shave?

2008-03-20T19:43:00.002-04:00

Kara just got back from visiting Mom in Florida. They had a lot of fun even though Kara ran Mom ragged with all the activities that they did. I told Mom it serves her right for having such a young daughter! She has to learn to keep up.

I'm the low key type. Lillianna and I have been to visit Mom only twice in 10 years but our vacations don't include late nights. I think Lillianna could've stayed out late but I like to be in bed nice and early and then get up around 5am and have coffee on the balcony and watch the sun come up. Kara is just getting home when the sun comes up.

One day during Kara's visit,Mom came out of the shower and told Kara that she used her razor to shave her legs because hers was so dull it wouldn't even work. Kara said okay and didn't think much about it. Later that day at the beach,Mom looked at her legs and said,"Wow! I missed a lot when I shaved." Kara looked at Mom's legs and asked,"Did you take the white plastic covering off the razor before you used it?"
Mom asked,"What cover?"

After the two of them calmed down from their fit of hysterical laughter,Mom realized she shaved with the plastic cover on. She probably should've just braided the hair on her legs! When they got home,Kara checked to see if Mom's dull razor had a plastic cover on it too. Nope....but the blade was upside down. That's why it didn't work.

Once again I asked Mom,"If you ever have any memory problems how the hell am I going to know?????" That just made Mom laugh. I can only shake my head.

Thank goodness she'll be home in just a few weeks. I love the six months when she lives in Massachusetts. That woman just cracks me up! I'll have to check her legs out when she gets here!

Passionate about what?

2008-03-20T19:23:00.002-04:00

I met a patient today who was quite interesting and very passionate about her new career choice. She is going to culinary school. When she spoke about this her whole face just glowed.

Oh sure,I get like that when I think about eating food but preparing it? I hate to cook. I thought I did well making turkey bacon and chocolate chip pancakes for dinner tonight. It's quite a combo but Lillianna loves it!

On the way home I started to think about a job that I have a passion for. Out of all the jobs I've had, not one of them made me feel like I had found my true calling.

I entered college majoring in journalism and then I couldn't get one single journalism class my freshman year. I started taking classes in Hotel,Restaurant,Travel administration and I found them to be fascinating. After 3 semesters of this,my adviser said I couldn't change my major to HRTA and he advised me to transfer to another college. So much for getting good grades and passing everything he wanted me to. It didn't help.

I took a travel course and worked in charter travel for 3 years before living in Israel for 2 years. When I came home from Israel my father died and I fell into a job with an optometrist. After 3 years of that I started working for the company that I have now been at for 17 years and here I am!

I like this job because I make good money and I can work around Lillianna's school schedule. Basically,it's convenient. Do I love it? Heck no. I hate people and I hate whining people most of all. Did I mention how much I hate kids as patients? I just have to block it out and realize this lovely skill of mine pays the bills.

So where's my passion? Twenty minutes into my drive home it hit me. The one thing that I am absolutely passionate about is being a mother. I love it. It makes me so happy. I am completely in tune with Lillianna and I enjoy everything I do with her. Okay,I hate cooking but the kid is still alive after 10 years so I haven't starved her to death.

At first I was sad that I wasn't passionate about my job but when I looked at the right job,I realized I was very passionate about it. I found my true calling after all!

I nagged for no reason!

2008-03-20T19:09:00.002-04:00

This past Saturday I picked up our completed tax forms at the tax office. In the past,Rich was the one to go and get the taxes done since I used to work 13 hours every Saturday up until last May. This year I just dropped them off and they called 2days later to say I could pick them up. I love things that are mindless.

Each day since then I have left the tax packet on the dining room table asking Rich to please sign the forms so I could mail them in. We're getting a refund and I want the money in a timely fashion. I've got stuff to pay with that money.

Since our jobs are so opposite,we're like 2 ships that pass in the night. We only see each other for a short time in the morning and then most nights he gets home when I'm asleep. Since I can budget my time fairly well I always leave room to nag at him. I feel it's my duty as a loving wife.

So again,this morning,I gently reminded him to sign the damn tax papers. I might have threatened his life but I can't confirm that. I have PMS.....I could've said anything!

When I got home from work I checked my mail. There was something from the IRS in there. All I could think was,"CRAP! Did they find a mistake on my taxes?" Then I remembered they're still on the freakin' table unsigned!! Nervously I opened the envelope and voila! My state refund.

I called the tax office and asked if they filed it electronically. She said she did. Then she laughed hysterically at how I nagged my poor husband for a week when there was no reason to nag him at all!

I probably should apologize......ya....I doubt that's gonna happen!

Hebrew School

2008-03-04T18:49:00.004-05:00

Hebrew school was an interesting thing in my family when I was a child. My mother's brother had 2 sons and a daughter and my father's brother had 2 sons and a daughter. The boys were automatically sent to Hebrew School but the girls were not.

Papa,Mom's dad, belonged to an Orthodox temple although Nana,Mom and Uncle Louis were not really religious. When I was around 5 years old, Papa asked me if I wanted to go to Sunday school with my cousins Evan who was 9 and Jeff who was 6. I jumped at the chance.

Although the boys were kind of bored,I loved it! I learned songs in Hebrew and I was hooked. When we moved to a new town,Papa asked me if I wanted to go to Hebrew school in my town and not be with my cousins anymore. I didn't care who I was with I just wanted to learn Hebrew. Mom said I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. I didn't know why anyone would not want to go.

I thought Hebrew was a magical language and I loved learning it. The big finale was my Bat Mitzvah in 1976. Ya,I'm that old. You can read about that here.

So here we are in 2008 and I haven't joined a temple or sent Lillianna to Hebrew school yet. By chance,I started talking to her friend's mom at a birthday party a few weeks ago and she asked me if we belonged to a temple. I told her that they're so expensive and I didn't think I could afford it.

She told me about her temple which is 30 minutes from where we live but it sounded affordable. She said the people were really welcoming.
Long story short,(as if that's possible!!)Lillianna and I went with Nancy and her daughter Lauren to Hebrew School last Monday and last night and it's great!!

The moms stay for the class and help their child. It's a requirement of the class and I totally dig that,I tell ya. Lillianna went from not knowing one single thing last week to reciting her numbers 1-10 flawlessly last night. I was so proud. I taught her well. I had to recite them too which I thought was funny but very cool.

We will be attending a service on Friday night which will be fun. I love Shabbat services. I want Lillianna to know what it is to be Jewish.

The crazy part is that Mom is not supportive. She said we can't afford to join and she isn't happy with my decision. My sister Kara is 100% supportive and said that she regrets not going to Hebrew School. I used to take her to services with me all the time and I tried to teach her about all the holidays but she didn't push to go the way that I had and Mom didn't think it was necessary for Kara to go. I recently got an email from my cousin Marcia and she said she also regrets not going to Hebrew School. I know I've made the right decision.

Even though it is very disappointing to me that Mom isn't thrilled about my decision,I told Lillianna that when you know you're making the right choice,even though some people may not approve,you just gotta stick with it.

It feels great to be back in the temple again! It really does!

I've really gotta get back on track

2008-02-17T08:46:00.003-05:00

After I came home from the hospital 2 1/2 years ago I was terrified of food. Eating the wrong food and having a lifestyle that didn't include exercise,combined with a lot of stress is what sent me down the road to almost dying from pancreatitis.

At first,every food terrified me. I had to keep the fat,carbs and sugars very low or I'd be back on death row. After losing 50 pounds and occasionally "cheating" I realized I was still alive even if I ate a "bad" food. So I got brave and kind of strayed over the past 1 1/2 years.

Two weeks ago when I went to meet my new pcp, Dr.F,she had me take a urine test which tested my kidney function. I got a phone call at the beginning of the week saying the results were abnormal and I had to be seen within 2 weeks. I saw her this past Friday.

She told me that I have protein in my urine which is caused by my high blood sugar. I also have anemia. She increased my bp med from 10mg to 20mg and said I have to exercise 30 mins a day to bring my numbers back to normal.

Today I am going to buy a new pair of sneakers and start my walking this afternoon. Thinking I'm invincible nearly killed me once. I got a second chance. I need to be more grateful for that and take it seriously this time.

Eye people are not so observant

2008-02-13T16:26:00.004-05:00

I have worked as an ophthalmic technician for 17 years. I like to think that I am pretty observant. My friend Gaye always appreciates when I tell her she has lipstick on her teeth. She says I am the only one who ever tells her. I like to think we are all looking out for one another.

Today I wore my beautiful new necklace and matching earrings that my best friend Liane made me for my birthday. I wore it yesterday and wanted to wear it again today.
Many people commented on how lovely this jewelry was. I glowed.

I worked until 12pm and then drove to Lillianna's school to see her President's Day play that her class was putting on for the parents at 1:00pm. I signed into the visitors book in the office and headed down to "the pit" where the play would be held. I greeted several people and then sat next to Jamie who immediately asked,"Why are you wearing two different earrings?"

I was confused. I knew I had put in my purple sea glass earrings. I touched my right ear...yup....purple sea glass. I touched my left ear and laughed! I had put in my extremely long silver earrings with long blue stones that Liane bought me in India.
They were two very different earrings. I was stunned.

In a large practice of eye people not one of them said a damn thing to me. Maybe we all need a good eye exam.

The blizzard of '78.....30 years ago today

2008-02-09T10:52:00.000-05:00

The blizzard of '78 is the most famous blizzard in Massachusetts in my life time.
It started on February 5th and went straight through my birthday......my 15th birthday!

No one was allowed to drive unless it was someone from the police or fire dept and members of the clergy. I think that was it. No other vehicles were allowed on the roads. Kara was 4 years old at the time and we have a picture of her standing in front of a snow drift that was probably 10 feet high or more.

Since Dad worked in a bakery he always brought home my birthday cake every year. In 1978 he was confined to the house so no birthday cake from the bakery. Mom kept apologizing to me for not having any presents for me because she thought she had a few days before my birthday. When the blizzard hit us harder than we expected,we couldn't go anywhere except whatever was in walking distance.

I didn't care about the presents since I knew I'd get them eventually but I did care about my birthday cake. What's a birthday without cake? I hate to say that at 15 I had never baked a darn thing in my life but I told Mom that I was going to bake my own cake.

My neighbor Esther and her daughter Andrea were planning to walk up to the center of town for some groceries so I said I'd go with them to get my cake mix and frosting.....and candles! This walk which generally took 10 minutes on a regular day took one hour each way with us pulling a sled through the snow to carry our groceries.

The gusty wind which blew the snow in our faces really slowed us down but we perservered.We had layers of snow on our eyelashes - the only things peeking out of our face which was covered with a huge scarf. You have no idea how determined I was to bake this damn cake! It was my birthday and even though everything in this state was shut down and canceled,my birthday would go on!

I baked my very first layer cake on February 9th 1978 and it was pretty darn tootin' yummy if I do say so myself. For some reason I made a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and I don't really like chocolate cake. I suppose just having the cake,any cake,was enough to make me happy.

So in addition to celebrating my birthday each year I also celebrate the first time I ever baked a layer cake. Today is the 30 year anniversary!

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-02-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

Today is my 45th birthday. I remember when I thought 30 was old!! I'm more than middle aged since I doubt I'll live to be 90. I don't believe diabetics have that long of a life expectancy.

This morning we went out to a 50's restaurant down the street for breakfast. I splurged and had marinated steak tips,scrambled eggs and a big chunk of their toasted banana nut bread. Probably not the healthiest choice but it was delicious.

My birthday cake is baking in the oven as we speak. I always make my favorite strawberry whipped cream cake. I never want anyone to make me a cake. I like my own best of all. I'm also baking brownies.

This afternoon around 3:00pm Lillianna and I will have manicures before heading to Kara's house. My last manicure was September 18,2006,the day before Kara's wedding! Lillianna had a manicure and pedicure last Saturday for her friend's birthday! Am I doing something wrong here? My daughter's nails are better taken care of than mine.

Peter,my brother in law, is making me a special dinner tonight.....chicken piccata! Yum!
Rich will meet us there after work but I'll have to order a pizza for him. He would never eat this chicken....too flavorful.

I'm trying to focus on all the things that I do have in my life as opposed to where I thought I'd be at 45 and how I feel like I've failed but it isn't easy. Kara tried to put a positive spin on everything but it didn't work. I keep crying and I wish that would stop already.

I don't mind being 45 I just wish some things were different.

Oh well.....maybe next year.

What a waste of a stamp!

2008-02-07T19:54:00.000-05:00

The New England Patriots lost the Super Bowl last Sunday and it was out of my thoughts the minute the game was over. Bummer that they lost but it didn't change my life one way or the other. I don't hate the New York Giants....I don't even know them. I do like the Pats but honestly,do you think I can name 3 players on the team from memory? Nope but I still like them when they're on t.v. I really do.

Rich is a huge Pats fan but he feels the same way I do....too bad they lost but the loss is not life altering for us. Rich is not a loud fan. He's not in anyone's face threating to kick their ass. He's a quiet fan. Oh sure he yells at the t.v. at home but he's not rude and abusive to fans of the opposing team if she should encounter them in his daily life.

He would never go up to a stranger with an opponent's team name on his cap and say,"You suck!!!" He doesn't know if they suck. Maybe they do. Maybe they don't but he can't make that assessment based on their hat choices.

So,imagine my surprise when an envelope arrived from Rich's old job. We're expecting a 401K check any day now from last year. The handwriting was familiar(it was the guy who does payroll) so I was excited to open it up. There was a picture of a NY Giants player enclosed with a typed note that said NEW YORK GIANTS ARE THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.

Uhm....ya...we know....we saw the game 4 days ago. We've already moved on.
The only thing I hate more than a sore loser is a nasty winner.
I can't believe he wasted a stamp on that.
I think he sucks....I really do and that's based on my actually knowing him!

I knew she was sick!

2008-02-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

I took Lillianna to her pediatrician yesterday because I knew she was sick.
The nurse did a strep test and then Dr.F came in,took one look down Lil's throat and turned to me,"Did you see this?" she asked as she looked at me with a stunned expression.

I told her I hadn't looked. She waved me over and flashed the light down Lillianna's throat. It was the brightest red I had ever seen. Yikes! Dr.F said she'd be right back because she wanted the results of the 5 minute strep test.

She came back in a few seconds later nodding her head and said,"Oh ya.....it's strep!" Lillianna is on Keflex for 10 days and she can return to school tomorrow.
She is resting today and then at 3:00pm we have to head out for a girl scout trip to get her cooking badge. Dr.F said she'd be fine to do that today.

Whenever Lillianna is very busy like 2 back to back sleep overs,she gets run down and then within 2 days she is sick with something. I'll just have to make sure that she still gets enough sleep even when she is a social butterfly.

I'm still somebody's little girl

2008-02-05T19:28:00.001-05:00

Mom sent me a birthday card yesterday and it made me cry. It was really sweet and mushy. After I cried my heart out and dripped tears all over the place I thought that even at 45,I'm still really happy to be someone's little girl.
It was just a nice feeling.

My new doctor

2008-02-05T19:17:00.000-05:00

I had my appointment with Dr.F today. She was actually very nice.
She spent almost an hour with me asking all kinds of questions: Have I had a recent eye exam? Do I go to the dentist regularly? Do I check my feet every day? Have I had a recent pneumonia or flu shot? When was my last mammogram?

The list was endless.She was very thorough.When she realized I hadn't had an EKG for 2 years she sent the nurse in to do that immediately. When that was done she had me come into her office and she explained all my lab results to me from December. I had gotten a call back then and I was told everything was stable....no details. Dr.F gave me all the details. My blood sugar has to come down from 6.8 to 5.8. My bad cholesterol is fine but my good cholesterol which protects my heart is too low and I have to get that number up with exercise.

In the end,I really liked her. That sure is good news for me.

I should've listened to my instincts!

2008-02-05T19:05:00.001-05:00

Lillianna had back to back sleep overs this weekend and she got very little sleep. Big shock! By the time she returned home on Sunday,she looked exhausted and had pink circles under her lids. The pink circles always tell me that she needs to rest. I didn't have to ask her twice to take a nap with me that afternoon. We both slept for 2 hours.

I knew she didn't have school today,Tuesday,due to a teacher's professional day so I figured she'd rest today too and bounce back from her weekend exhaustion. Last night her friend Sarah's mom,Lisa,called and asked if Lillianna could spend the day at their house today. I said she could stay for a little while but then I wanted her home to rest. Last night Lillianna complained of a sore throat so I definitely didn't want her out all day.

In the end,Lillianna was there from 8:30am-4:30pm. She swore she felt fine all day and she was having fun so I figured I'd stop being so overprotective and just let her be a kid. When I picked her up she looked half dead. When we got in the car she said she wanted to go to bed. Why did I let her talk me into letting her be out all day?????

She got into the shower as soon as we got home,had 2 bowls of soup and went into bed at 7:00pm. She is watching t.v. all wrapped up in blankets. I'm sure she'll be asleep soon. I have a bad feeling that we'll be home sick tomorrow and I'm supposed to work 8 hours. The week of school vacation in 2 weeks will require that I use 25 hours of PTO if I can't figure out a way to work a couple of days. If I have to call in sick tomorrow I'll just have to deal with it.

I made a mistake. I listenend to Lillianna instead of my own good instincts.Now we'll see what happens.

I don't like Sylvia Browne

2008-02-05T15:20:00.000-05:00

It's not that I don't believe in psychic ability because I do. I just hate Sylvia Browne. I think she's a bit of a self-centered bitch. Yup.....I sure do.

Montel has her on once a week or so and I hate the way she speaks to people. Most times she is so vague I just don't believe a damn thing she says.

Audience question:"Do I have any spirit guides around me?"
Sylvia:"Yes you do...you have 3 angels and a spirit guide named Benjamin."

Then she turns her head and moves on to the next question. She looks bored and uninterested with the people that are yearning for answers. I get that it's a 60 minute talk show but at least look kind and loving.

Audience question:"My husband went missing 2 years ago and we don't know what happened."
Sylvia: (I swear she gives this same damn answer to everyone!!!) "He's in the woods in a shallow part of water. Look there."

She bugs the hell out of me. Without any skill at all anyone on this planet could give the answers that she does.

Audience question:"I have cancer. How will this turn out?"
Sylvia:"Everything will be fine."

Audience question:"I'm having trouble getting pregnant."
Sylvia:"You'll be pregnant by April."

How in the world is this woman so famous? I've had readings before and the good ones always give specific details.

Lillianna had a spirit drawing when she was 3 and Rita,who did the drawing was right on. You can see an article about Rita here and if you scroll down a few letters you'll see mine in there. I used to be able to google the picture she drew of Rich's mom but now I can't find it.

Anyway....Sylvia Browne sucks!

Lillianna's sleep over

2008-01-29T19:43:00.000-05:00

Lillianna wrote this post last month and forgot to have me approve it until tonight!
Better late than never.

Changing my mind about changing doctors

2008-01-29T18:13:00.000-05:00

My primary care physician,Dr.B,left the practice where I've been seeing him and he moved 15 minutes away. Since his old practice is 10 minutes closer to me and more convenient,I decided not to follow him and to choose a new pcp. I liked him but sometimes he intimidated me so I was okay with changing.

I was down to my last 2 cholesterol pills the other day and called in to CVS to refill it. It needed authorization because it said I could refill it 5 times before January 22,2008. I was a couple of days too late.

Knowing that Dr.B was gone and I was without a pcp,I called the practice to find a new one. They set me up with Dr.F who I was told was very nice and she would be coming to my regular office. I thought that sounded great and the secretary said she'd get Dr.F to sign off on my refill. I told her I'd set up an appointment in April to meet with her since I need blood work every 3 months and I just had a complete physical on December 28,2007. She said that was fine.

Today I went to CVS and picked up my prescription. I thought that was very nice that things went so smoothly.....then I got home. There was a message on my voice mail from Dr.F's secretary. She said that Dr.F really didn't want to fill my cholesterol med because according to my most recent labs,I should not be on a cholesterol med!

I was livid!!! I almost died 2 years ago on our trip to Disney World. My triglycerides were 3,000. The normal number is 200. All the doctors in Florida told me I have to be on a cholesterol medication for the rest of my life. Dr. B confirmed that when I came home and saw him. I accepted it. I'm alive. Taking this pill will keep me that way.

So now, Dr.F has decided I shouldn't be taking it? Did she even read my chart or just look at my labs? Is that really good care? I haven't even met her yet but I don't have much confidence in her judgment at that moment.

She wants to see me in the next few weeks to discuss this. I just had a physical!!! Read my freakin' chart!!! It's all in there.

I'm just pissed. I feel like she made a shoddy assessment without having all the facts.

What would you do?

My very funny nephew

2008-01-19T21:58:00.001-05:00

Everyone went to Kara's house tonight for Peter's birthday.(He's my very favorite brother in law.) Lisa,TC,Trent and Dash were also there which meant good bonding time with my little baby Dash who is 5 1/2 months old if I'm not mistaken.

Anyway,we were all sitting around the table eating ice cream cake for dessert...well,I was feeding Dash his cereal and applesauce for my dessert. I had just been saying that when I had changed Dash's diaper a few moments before,I was really worried that he would pee on me.

My cutie pie 4 year old nephew Trent who was sitting right next to me turned towards me. With his mouth covered in ice cream he said,"Well,you know,when I was a baby my mother put a sock on my johnson so that I wouldn't pee." Then he turned around and continued eating. The adults waited one second and then burst out in hysterics.

I don't know what was funnier...... Lisa putting a sock on Trent's private parts or hearing Trent say johnson or just the whole situation.
All I could say to Lisa was,"Do you want to blog about this or should I?" She told me I could do it.

Kids are so funny. If you don't have a child in your life,go borrow someone elses. They're a continuous source of laughter.

Telephone telepathy

2008-01-18T18:09:00.001-05:00

Wednesday evening at 4:45pm I was home talking to Rich and Lillianna. Suddenly,I walked away from them, sat by the phone and called my mom's cell phone. She has been visiting from Florida since the 1oth.

Mom picked up the phone and asked,"Why did you just call me?"
The truth was I really didn't know. I just turned away from my family and headed toward the phone and called. So I said,"I don't know. Why?"

Mom said,"I didn't know if you were home or on the road so I tried looking up your cell phone number. I couldn't find it. I pressed a button on my phone and the screen went crazy so I put it down on the seat and said,'Robin....call your mother!' Then the phone rang and I said,'Make this be Robin,' and it was!"

I said,"Well I guess I got your message!"
This happens every now and then with us and with my sister Kara too. I love when I walk over to the phone to call Kara and the phone rings and it's her.

I think people have a very strong heart connection to one another and they don't even realize just how strong that connection is. We kind of take it for granted but it's really quite a miracle.

Today my best friend Liane called to say that she created a new piece of jewelry and she wanted to me to help her name it. When I heard her message the word dream immediately came into my mind. I called her back and she said she had kind of named it already but she wanted my input. The name she came up with had the word dream in it. I told her I had already heard dream when I listened to her message so we both knew her name for the piece was the correct one! Usually her names include words like peace,breeze,mist,sea...things like that. It was interesting that we both came up with dream. That's why we're best friends!

We've all shared something like this with another person. I'd love to hear your story of telepathy!

No work? No school? No way!!!

2008-01-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

It's true.......believe it or not my office will not be open tomorrow and the schools will be closed in our town. First of all,in the 17 years that I have been at this job they only closed ONCE ahead of time due to a blizzard warning. Unfortunately,the day of the blizzard we only got about an inch. My company vowed to never do that again so when I got the call from my manager's wife this evening,I was stunned. But hey....no work for me. We have to use our PTO hours to make up for it but that's okay since I have plenty.

At 8:50pm I received an automated message from Lillianna's school saying that it would be closed tomorrow. She was thrilled. The news says that after midnight we should get a few inches of snow and then by morning we should be getting one inch every hour.

I've lived in Massachusetts my whole life so my attitude is maybe it'll snow....maybe it won't.
I guess we'll know soon enough. As for me and Lillianna......tomorrow is pajama day!!! Yahoo!!

A very sore throat

2008-01-03T14:44:00.000-05:00

Lillianna is home sick today. The school nurse called me yesterday at work at 9:20am.......35 minutes after I arrived. She said Lillianna didn't feel well and she looked pale. I went to pick her up thinking she was probably run down and tired from her vacation. I tried to pace her with all her activities but she was quite busy.

She got home and immediately changed into her jammies. After lunch she fell asleep for 2 hours. I figured by morning she'd be fit as a fiddle and ready for school. At 3:30am she woke up with a raging sore throat and couldn't swallow. She sat up watching t.v. and sucking on a lozenge. When she was done,she went back to sleep. I knew she wouldn't be going to school today.

She complained that her ears were crinkling and that was my signal to call her doctor and make an appointment. I grew up with crinkling ears which meant and ear ache was fast approaching. Lillianna has walked in my footsteps.....stupid footsteps! Ear aches suck!!

She went to see Dr. Fernandez who we both adore. She is the best doctor ever! She said Lillianna's throat was very red but that her ears looked ok. I told her that Lillianna feels the ear pain 2 days before a doctor can see the redness. I learned that from Lillianna's previous doctor. I always ended up taking her for an appointment and then returning 2 days later and sure enough that 2 days showed the redness. Dr.Fernandez said she wouldn't wait 2 days to prove that and immediately wrote a prescription for an antibiotic. I totally love a doctor who respects the mother's input. She's known us for about 5 years so she knows I'm not just trying to medicate my child for no reason.

Lillianna is now resting on the couch and she's about to fall asleep. A drowsy 10 year old is a sick one,that's for sure.

The good news is that I called the payroll manager at my work just to check if I had a few sick hours available to cover my 3 days off which is about 15 hours. My manager had told me that since I went part time in June I wouldn't have any benefits until one year from June which isn't for another 5 months. When the payroll manager checked she said I had 48 hours of paid time off. I was stunned!!!! I thanked her and felt a huge burden lift from my shoulders. I panicked for a second when she called back and said she had made a mistake. I held my breath until she said,"You actually have 80 hours of paid time off. I miscalculated and didn't figure in that you've been here 17 years." I think I literally jumped for joy!

So now I can relax and take care of my sick little girl and not worry that my pay check will be 15 hours short. It's such a relief.

Lillianna and I will be resting for the next 3 days. That's not so bad after all.

Lying isn't funny

2007-12-29T20:16:00.000-05:00

I just read that a 6 year old girl wrote an essay for a contest to win Hannah Montana concert tickets and she won. She started her essay by saying her dad died in Iraq recently but guess what? It's a huge lie! She made it all up! If this links you can read the story here.

There are many people who have lost loved ones in this war and it's sad and heartbreaking and it changes lives forever! Pretending to have a dead father is nothing to lie about in order to win freakin' concert tickets for your 6 year old.

It had to be the mother's idea because what child would think up such a lie? The mother said,"We did whatever we could to win."

You know,Lillianna wanted to go to Hannah Montana too but I didn't have the money to take her. If there had been a contest to enter of course she would've tried by saying that she was a huge fan and knew all Hannah's songs and stuff like that. She would never say her father died in Iraq. I would have her in therapy if she came up with that on her own.

This story just makes me sick. The essay people are thinking about taking away the tickets. DUH! Of course take them away and punish this horrible mother. They should make her volunteer in a Veterans Hospital for the rest of her life. She thinks dying in Iraq is something to lie about? She should be ashamed of herself.

What do you think should happen to this mother and daughter?

That cute little short boy

2007-12-29T16:07:00.000-05:00

Lillianna and I went to lunch at Friendly's today. She was doing a word scramble of state capitals such as: NTOBSO,Massachusetts would of course be Boston.
She skipped one that she didn't know and when she went back to it I tried to give her a hint. She was trying to figure out ERTTNNO,New Jersey.

I said,"It's part of your cousin's name." Lillianna frowned and asked,"My cousin?" Obviously still stumped I tried again.
"He's that cute little short boy with the spikey hair."
Lillianna asked,"Trent?" Then she said,"Ohhhhhh....Trenton New Jersey!" Then she started laughing,"That cute little short boy with the spikey hair???? That's so funny!"

I said,"Ya...it kinda is. I guess I'll blog about it!"
So I did.

Where have all the blogs gone?

2007-12-22T09:33:00.000-05:00

I had a few extra minutes today to read some of my favorite blogs. The ones I clicked on haven't had a new post in months. I'm not casting stones since I've been slacking on my own blog but I am curious as to what has been happening with all these writers.

Since I've been working 30 hours a week since August,I haven't had the energy to write much. My "free time" is spent trying to wind down after a hectic day. Most days I'm constantly on the go.

Have you noticed that some of your favorite blogs don't even exist anymore?

Tricky mom!

2007-12-22T09:30:00.000-05:00

This morning Lillianna informed me that she found my Christmas list. It has everyone's name and what I bought for them so that I could make sure that I didn't leave anyone out. I had to laugh when she said,"You listed everything by my name in Hebrew!!"

I've been doing that for the past 7 years because she's been able to read for all those years and it's hard to keep things from her. I also put secret things on the calendar in Hebrew because it's only for me to know and no one else.

I like to think I still have a few tricks up my sleeve!

Ornaments on the tree

2007-12-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

For the past few years,buying the tree and decorating it was something I didn't participate in. It wasn't a conscious boycott or anything like that it's just that I worked every weekend so Rich and Lillianna picked out the tree on a Saturday and when I got home on Sunday it was all done. All I had to do was sit back and enjoy the beauty.

Since I don't work all weekend anymore,just an occasional 4 hours on a rare Saturday,I was home when Rich and Lillianna began to decorate the tree today. In the olden days when I decorated the tree,each and every ornament was in it's original box and I always wrote who it was from and the year. If it was a homemade ornament it would be wrapped in tissue paper and placed in a labeled plastic Ziploc bag. After Christmas I would take each ornament down and put it back where it went for the next year.

Today,I opened our Rubbermaid Christmas containers and I found.....CHAOS!!!!!!
My beautiful seraphim ornaments from our first Christmas were out of their individual velvet box and lay wrapped in tissue paper in the big container. I quickly unwrapped each one and found 2 of their boxes. The last one had to stay in the tissue paper. I don't know what happened to her box over the years.

I picked out the ornaments and handed Lillianna the light ones since the heavy ones fall off the tree even if we put them in the way back of the branch. I miss my old fake tree. It was bittersweet to find all the ornaments that said "Baby's 1st Christmas" or had Lillianna's name on it from 1997. She was only 3 months old.
Now she's 10 and that first Christmas seems light years away.

Every year I have tried to buy an ornament for me and Rich that says how many Christmases we've been together. This will be our 13th married Christmas. It seems so weird. When we were in Disney for our honeymoon I bought so many bride and groom ornaments that said "Our 1st Christmas." We were only married one month before we celebrated Christmas that year. I was so excited.

I'll make sure that I am always a part of putting up the ornaments from now on.It's important to remember the happy years that we have shared together and know that even though we have gone through some tough times,we are still here to decorate the tree again this year.

Obscure Christmas movies

2007-12-02T23:00:00.000-05:00

I've never liked the Christmas cartoons that most people look forward to watching every year. Even as a child I didn't like them. When Rich and I got married 13 years ago,he brought with him a dowry which consisted of every Christmas cartoon ever made.
I figured he had them from childhood and we would save them for our child someday.

We were only married for one month when December rolled around and Rich popped a cartoon video in the VCR. He had seen them all so many times that he talked and sang along with the entire movie. He found it to be incomprehensible that I didn't like these movies and not only that,I didn't know who the Heat Miser was. He wasn't real. Why would I care about him?

I'm not anti-Christmas movies. My favorite one of all time is Miracle on 34th Street. I love the original not the remake! It's such a great story. We saw The Santa Clause in Disney on our honeymoon and we all love that movie and watch it often.

When Rich asked me if I liked any Christmas movies I had to think for a minute because the one I waited for every year is never on tv and hasn't been on for years.

It was Santa Clause Conquers the Martians.
I just found out Pia Zadora played one of the martian girls. I loved this movie as a kid although looking back,boy,was this the cheesiest movie or what? The martians wore helmets with antennas on top. Their faces were painted a weird green. I'm dying to buy this video!

My next favorite movie which no one on this planet has ever heard of was called The Christmas That Almost Wasn't. According to the info,I would've only been 3 years old when this came out and yet,I can remember the commercial for this movie so vividly. I have never met anyone who has ever heard of these two movies.

Please tell me there is someone out there who has heard or seen these movies.

Persistance pays off

2007-11-30T17:59:00.000-05:00

I got a coupon in the mail the other day from CVS. It said that I would get a $25 gift card if I filled a new prescription or transferred a prescription to their pharmacy. As luck would have it,I got a new prescription for my diabetes supplies.

I went in on Monday to pick up my prescriptions and handed the girl my coupon. She couldn't ring it in correctly so she asked another girl to help her. Girl #2 said I had to be a NEW customer to get the gift card. Nowhere on the coupon does it say that. She huffed and puffed and acted like she was doing me a huge favor and agreed to give me the gift card......but she couldn't get the code right and the register wouldn't calculate it correctly.

She said I didn't qualify and that it couldn't be done.
Girl #1 asked the busy pharmacist and he just shook his head. She gave me the coupon back and said to try another day.

I was pissed. I always forget to redeem coupons and things and the one time I do they made me feel like a criminal.

I just called their corporate headquarters and spoke to a lovely woman. I gave her all the information and she put me on hold. A few minutes later she got back to me and said she had spoken to the manager in the CVS I had gone to and they will absolutely honor the coupon so that I can get the $25 gift card. She apologized several times for the staff not knowing how to process the coupon and the fact that they said I couldn't get it.

I'm so excited! Money is tight as usual and that gift card will help me get some stocking stuffers for Christmas...not to mention that Chanukah is only a few days away!!

I'm so glad I made that call!

The handsome doctor

2007-11-28T19:07:00.001-05:00

I've worked at my job for 17 years. When I first started,I became close to Dr.C who was 62 years old. He was so good looking he could easily pass for an old fashioned movie star like Rock Hudson or Cary Grant.....only much better looking. He was tall,charming and extremely handsome. The women swooned when they saw him. Who could blame them?

I ended up working with him a lot and I got to know his routines. Tuesday mornings he would take a piano class at Berklee College of Music and then end up running late for his first patient at 8:30am. His assistant,Bernice,would often run up to me and whisper,"He's in a bad mood. Can you do anything?" I just shrugged my shoulders and said I'd try.

When Dr.C would come down the hall I would make a face and say,"Rumor has it you're in a bad mood today. I have to work with you ALL day so I hope you're not really crabby!" He would always laugh this booming laugh and say,"Who said I was in a bad mood? Well....I guess the traffic got to me but I promise to be in a good mood from now on." Then he'd smile and see his first patient.

One day a mean and nasty patient grabbed my nicely polished hand and sputtered,"YOU are a disgrace to the entire medical profession! Your nails are too long. They could poke my eye out. I'm going to report you to the medical board!!"

I was so horrified and scared.I was still kind of new. Just as Dr. C was about to go in to see that patient,I wiggled my finger at him to come here. I told him what the woman said. He looked at me and asked,"You're a disgrace to the entire medical profession?" I nodded slowly. He laughed,patted me on the back and said,"Congratulations! What an honor....the entire medical profession. Wow!" I asked,"You're not mad? You don't think my nails are too long?" He just shook his head and said,"She's nuts!"

When he retired several years ago,I wrote a song for him to the tune of Johnny Angel. The doctors all dressed up in angel costumes and sang it to him. It was so funny.

The reason I'm writing all this is because Dr.C came into the office today. I ran over to him and hugged and kissed him. We talked for a while and then everyone came over to see him. He was there for a while so I got to talk to him a few times. Some people said they weren't sure if he remembered them. He is 79,after all. I asked him if he remembered me and he said,"Of course I did,Robin!" I was so happy. If the president had walked in no one would've paid any attention to him. Seeing Dr.C today just made my day!!!!

A very happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T17:42:00.000-05:00

Well,turkey day is over and I'm stuffed! We had a lovely day and it was just the way I wanted it. Kara came over with her chocolate lab Cody AKA "my furry nephew." Her mother-in-law Ginny came over too which was so much fun. I love Ginny. She is very kind and loving and I always enjoy being with her.

She is also Lisa's mother-in-law but Lisa,TC and the kids are in Florida right now so Ginny couldn't be with them on Thanksgiving.Their loss was our gain.
Rich's friend Gary also came over today and after dinner the guys watched Gettysburg which is a 4 hour movie.I've seen it a few times but I always cry.

While the guys watched their movie,the girls took Cody for a little walk to try to work off the food we devoured. It didn't work. We could barely move when we got back home.

We each tasted a dessert but we really couldn't eat much. Why do we always eat too much at the holidays? Who cares? We all had fun.

I hope you all had a very happy day too.

Tired of diabetes

2007-11-18T20:18:00.000-05:00

November 8th was my 2 year anniversary of being rushed to the hospital with pancreatitis and diabetes and almost dying. I know I have a lot to be thankful for since I'm still alive but I'm really tired of being diabetic. Some days it's just too much of a burden.

I know I could have something much worse where I only have weeks or months to live and I feel lucky that diabetes is something I can control more or less but today,I wanted to give it back. I hate it and I resent it.

I don't enjoy checking my blood or thinking about food all the time: how many carbs?grams of fat? grams of sugar? I don't stay on my plan all the time and then the guilt kicks in. Stress makes me eat. Why doesn't stress make me want to exercise??

So,what pushed me over the edge today was going to CVS to pick up my blood pressure med and my test strips. On our old insurance,test strips were $50 but they usually lasted 6-8 weeks depending on if I had a problem with my sugar and felt the need to test more often. Today was the first time I had to fill that prescription.

As the cashier added it up I was stunned. "What is $93????" I asked in a panic. It was the test strips. My new insurance doesn't cover my strips although it has been covering my lancets which I use to prick my finger. So I can draw blood but I can't test the blood. How the hell does that make sense?? The pharmacist agreed that it didn't make sense at all.

I just wanted to blurt out,"Do you think I enjoy having diabetes? Do you think it's fun to test my blood every day?" Instead,I got teary and really couldn't say much. One of the other cashiers told me to call my insurance company tomorrow and explain the situation and hopefully they will send me a new monitor so that I can buy supplies that they will cover. I certainly hope so.

I love the things she says

2007-11-17T17:47:00.001-05:00

Lillianna and I were in the car on our way to her best friend Mollie's house today. I don't even know what we were talking about when she said,"Between all my friends,I'm the one who is closest to my mother."

I thought for a second and said,"That's not true. All your friends are very close to their mother." Since I am friends with all those moms I felt pretty sure saying this.

Lillianna said,"Well,ya...but not like we are. You take me everywhere you go."

I laughed and said,"That's true. You've sat through my root canal for over an hour when you were 3. You've come to hair appointments,doctors appointments....just about everything....but you have to remember,you are my only child."

I have always thought it was just easier to take her with me wherever I went because she is such a well behaved child. Then I said,"Nana used to take me everywhere she went too and then I used to take Kara everywhere that I went. It just seems normal to me,I guess."

I had such a warm fuzzy feeling because Lillianna and I are very close. I hope it always stays that way.

Another reason to be proud of my daughter

2007-11-17T17:29:00.000-05:00

I'm always proud of Lillianna. She has always been a kind,loving,compassionate,thoughtful and generous child. I wasn't surprised at all when I went up to school for my parent-teacher conference on Thursday. Mrs. O'Neil said that Lillianna was very helpful to her classmates and she always asks if there is anything she can do to help in the classroom. She's not Eddie from Leave it to Beaver,"You look lovely today Mrs.Cleaver." She genuinely cares about people and always tries to help when she can.

During the week of conferences,a Scholastic Book Fair was held in school. Each teacher could fill out a wish list of books she would like for the classroom. If a parent would like to purchase a book for the class then he/she can look at the wish list and choose from there.

I wish Lillianna had told me about this while we were at school instead of when we were in the car on the way home. I would've bought a book for her class. Yesterday,Mrs.O'Neil said the kids could take one more look at the Book Fair since it was the last day. Lillianna checked Mrs.O'Neil's wish list and saw that there was only one book left on it.

She took her dollar that I gave her for ice cream during lunch and decided to see what she could do.(They can only buy ice cream on Fridays.)She asked her friends if they wanted to pitch in and buy Mrs.O'Neil's last book. Some people only had a quarter to give but Lillianna said every bit would count. In the end,she managed to gather the $5 for the book and she bought it for Mrs.O'Neil.

(Lillianna would have to add the details to this but she's at a local Junior Miss pageant with her best friend and she's sleeping over there tonight so I'll have to wing it.)

Mrs.O'Neil asked who bought her the book and Lillianna gave her all the names of the people that chipped it. I was so proud when Lillianna told me this story but for a second I felt bad that she didn't get her ice cream which she looks forward to every week. When I told her that she said,"Mom,a book is way more important than an ice cream!"

Is this child really only 10 years old? I know I wasn't that thoughtful or generous at that age. I am so lucky to have this child. She simply amazes me.

Ha-Ha-Ha???

2007-11-15T06:56:00.001-05:00

I'm going to have to stop watching t.v. because it's making me crazy!
This morning,on Fox News,there was another story about Santa. I know it's almost December but why is this year the year to bash Santa?

Apparently there are stricter guidelines this year for department store Santas. After thousands of years of greeting people with,"Ho-Ho-Ho Merry Christmas!" he now has to say,"Ha-Ha-Ha Merry Christmas!" Why? Because Ho-Ho-Ho is scary to children and offensive to women!

Let's break it down,shall we? It is 2007. Ten year olds are creating profiles on MYSPACE and meeting strangers online. Scary for the parents but not scary for the kids. Kids of all ages are playing Grand Theft Auto which allows them to steal cars and assassinate innocent bystanders while they rob banks and whatever else seems "fun" to them. That's not scary but Ho-Ho-Ho is going to traumatize them?? Get real,folks.

As for being offensive to women,I've never had anyone call me a "ho" so I never associated Santa's greeting with a derogatory remark towards women. Are farmers going to have to rename their hoe too? We'll just call it that flat bladed thingy since we don't want the farmer's wife thinking that Old McDonald has a girl stashed in a hay stack when he yells,"Hey honey,can ya bring me that hoe in the barn?" Can you just imagine the confusion? The divorce rate would sky rocket!

In a time when we are all completely desensitized to violence,why turn something innocent into something that it isn't?

No one will have a happy or merry anything if this keeps up!

Santa is too fat???? Are you kidding me??

2007-11-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

I was watching t.v. in Tech Lube while the oil in my car was getting changed and the news came on. Apparently,moms are in an uproar because.....wait for it.....
Santa is too fat!!

Jolly old St.Nick needs a gastric bypass or a personal trainer. Moms do not think he is a good role model for the kiddies. So what if he eats a million cookies on Christmas Eve? He washes them down with milk and that's a healthy beverage. He's not swigging down a few brewskies or having a frappe at every house,now is he?

He works his butt off all year long. He puts everyone ahead of himself and he brings joy to the world. That's not an easy task especially in this day and age. He's probably a stress eater.....ahhhhhh....I can totally relate.

So what's the solution to Santa's round body? Call Jenny Craig? Liposuction? Lap band? Richard Simmons? A Dr.Phil intervention? Oh that would be hilarious.

"Santa.....you can not change what you do not acknowledge......you are over weight. You are not really jolly now are you?" For those of you who know Dr.Phil's lingo,this is what he would say.

I for one do not think Santa's weight is an issue. We will be leaving cookies and milk again this year. Maybe he'll eat the reindeer's carrots and feed the cookies to the reindeer. Then next year they'll be too damn fat to fly and no one will get any damn presents!!! Merry Freakin' Christmas!!

You can't quit motherhood

2007-11-06T18:02:00.001-05:00

I was talking to my cousin last night. Her brother is divorced and she is fairly close to his ex-wife although the ex has some issues. One of which is that she barely takes care of her kids. They're not babies but they're not old enough to be on their own.

My cousin was with her 12 year old niece recently. She is very close to this girl and she loves her as well as her two brothers. She is more of a mother to them than their own mother is.Her niece revealed that she thinks her mother is just tired of being a mother. That floored me. Tired of being a mother? Tired?.....of being a mother?

I'm a mother and I am definitely tired but not of being a mother! I love being a mother. It's the best job on the planet. If I didn't have Lillianna I would have a huge empty space in my heart. She is the joy of my life.

Her activities keep me hopping,that's for sure,and I have no idea how I'd handle two kids but I completely love the one I have. I'll be mothering this child until the day I die. My mom is 70 and she is still mothering me and Kara.

It makes me crazy when parents think there is something more important in life than taking good care of their children and loving them unconditionally.

I pour my heart and soul into raising Lillianna. I take this job very seriously. I changed my work schedule back in May so that I could spend more time with her. I hate working 5 days a week but the pay off is that I can drop her off at school every morning,pick her up at 2:30pm and have the weekends with her. That sure beats working nights and weekends and missing her life.

I wish women understood that you just can't quit motherhood. If you choose to take that job....it's for life.

Suppressed stress?

2007-11-06T17:57:00.000-05:00

Say that 5 times fast.....I dare ya!

I've been stressed for quite a while but lately,things are kind of normal although still stressful.....if that makes any sense.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not any more stressed than usual but my left eye has been twitching off and on since yesterday. That only happens when I am under stress. So I must be suppressing some stress.

I over carbed today.....I guess I am stressed after all. Stupid stress!

A growth spurt

2007-11-06T13:30:00.000-05:00

Today was Lillianna's yearly check-up with her pediatrician,Dr.Fernandez. I knew Lilianna went through a huge growth spurt this past year and I was eager to hear what the doctor had to say. Usually she only gains a few pounds each year but this year she gained 10. Dr.Fernandez was thrilled with that. I was surprised when she told me she had grown 4 inches. I didn't realize she had gotten so much taller.

Dr.Fernandez said that normally she would've only grown 2 inches but since she grew 4,that means she's hit puberty. I told her we already knew that. The mood swings have already surfaced which can go on for the next few years.

Since I don't want to be at odds with my precious child just because hormones are taking over,I told Lillianna that when she is feeling out of control,she just needs to come to me and say,"I feel crazy." Then I can hug her or talk to her until she feels better. We tried this yesterday and it worked really well.

I have shared my lovely hormone stories with her and they make her laugh. I remember being 12 or 13 and having a melt down and my parents got angry at me. I vowed that I would remember how that felt and be kinder to my own child. Back then,I don't think parents really understood what was happening and all the emotions their child was going through.

When I was pregnant,holy hormones,I was on my way home and I drove by my house. Not wanting the stranger behind me to know that I passed my own house,I refused to turn around. I ended up driving 2 towns away before I could turn around and head home. At the time,it made perfect sense. Looking back,I just have to laugh and shake my head.

I have explained some of my PMS stories to Lillianna and again,they seem so funny now. I remember arguing with Rich way before Lillianna was born and honestly,I think I was mad about something to do with a spoon. Even as the ridiculous words were out of my mouth,I heard a voice in my head say,"Stop! You're not making any sense! You're out of control!" but I kept on freaking out anyway. I think the whole scene ended in tears and then the moment passed. Compared to my weird situations,Lillianna seems calm.

The other day she said,"I'm glad I have a Mom who remembers what it's like." I'm glad I kept my promise to myself to remember.

Do you have any crazy hormonal stories you'd like to share?

My family is soooooo lucky!

2007-10-26T16:26:00.001-04:00

Yup...that's what a patient told me yesterday. She said I was sweet,funny and extremely intelligent and that my family is very lucky to have me! She said that I had to go home and tell my family that she said they were lucky. She made me laugh.

I have to start off by saying her name was Lillian. I always get chatty with nice patients named Lillian since it was my Nana's name and Rich's Nana's name which is why Lillianna has her name.
Lillian was 85 years old and very sweet. We chatted about a bunch of things after I did her eye exam. I don't get great patients very often so I really cherish the good ones. She really made my day.

Lillianna always tells me that I am the best mom so I knew she already realized how fortunate she is to have me! Rich,on the other hand....well.....I often wonder what he thinks of me. When I told him my conversation with Lillian he agreed that he was lucky to have me. Hmmmm......that kind of surprised me. You just never know what your family is thinking,do you??

An insult wrapped in a compliment?

2007-10-17T06:39:00.001-04:00

Lillianna and I have quite an earring collection so we are constantly sharing our earrings with one another. One time I stood in the living room,arms akimbo (damn! I finally got to put that expression in something!I only hear it used in books.)and I said in that mom kind of way,"For the last time....put....your.....earrings....away."
She held them up in front of me and laughed,"Mom,these are your earrings!" Hmmmm.....who knew?

So the other day I borrowed one of Lillianna's Halloween earrings:a pair of fat,sparkly,happy ghosts. They are quite adorable. They look like the Pillsbury PopNFresh guy with glitter. I try to dress up my navy blue scrubs whenever I can.

I called in a patient who immediately noticed my earrings. She sat in the exam chair shrieking,"OOOOOH! I love your earrings. I gotta have 'em. Give them to me!! I just love them!!!"

I thought she was a little wound up for 67 but what the heck. I said,"Oh,thank you." Then she looked at my earrings again and said in the most disappointed voice she could manage,"Hmmm....they're Caspers....I thought they were cats! You can keep them!"

I was speechless. What could I have said to that?

Have you met Dash?

2007-10-12T16:45:00.000-04:00

Lisa finally wrote about the birth of her second son,Dashiell. I can say from 1st hand experience that he is a little cutie pie. Then again,his older brother Trent is so cute I want to bite him. I got to feed and burp Dashiell a couple of weeks ago and since Lisa is really sleep deprived,I could've run off with the child. I only drive the speed limit so I could've never out run the police. That's why I didn't abduct him.

Lisa and I are going to plan a sleep over for me and Lillianna. She's going to take Trent and Lil out to a movie and I get to stay home with Dash! I told her I'd get up and feed him in the middle of the night. I love those feedings!

So hop on over to Lisa's blog and congratulate her on the birth of her precious new baby.

Munchausen by proxy syndrome

2007-10-11T17:53:00.000-04:00

The first time that I heard about Munchausen by proxy syndrome I was shocked.I didn't understand how a parent could purposely hurt their own child. I was horrified and fascinated that the parents do it so that they can be the center of attention. Family members,doctors and nurses commend the parent for taking such good care of their sick child without knowing the parent is the one causing the sickness!

I've always hated when Lillianna has gotten sick. When she was about 5 years old,she threw up for the first time. I called the pediatrician several times during the day to update her on Lillianna's condition. By the next morning she looked horrible and I brought her in to be seen. The doctor took one look at her and had her admitted to the hospital for I.V. fluids. She ended up being in the hospital for 2 days.

I was with her constantly. When she had an accident getting to the bathroom on time,I cleaned and changed her and gave her reassuring hugs that Mommy would stay with her. If I could've been sick instead of her I would've changed places with her. My heart ached for my lifeless,droopy and sad child who cried because the nurse put the I.V. in her writing hand so she couldn't color.

Today,Dr.Phil talked about Munchausen by proxy syndrome. I only watched it for 5 minutes and then I had to leave to pick up Lillianna's friend Hannah who was coming over for a play-date. Lillianna watched it for 2 seconds and then said she didn't want to watch it at all. She was uncomfortable with the topic. I told her I'd watch it tonight when it repeats.

I hate the abuse that takes place with this syndrome but for some reason,it fascinates me and I will have to watch it.

I'm the mom!

2007-10-06T16:44:00.000-04:00

Lillianan's best friend Mollie came over around 2pm today so that the girls could spend some extra time together before the sleep over starts at 5pm. After a few minutes Mollie and Lillianna asked if she could open her present right then. I said okay.

Mollie asked,"Are you sure it's okay?" I laughed and said,"Ya...I'm sure. I'm the mom and I make the rules. Go ahead and open it."

She gave her a friendship bracelet kit which Lillianna loved but I knew it was the second present that Mollie was so excited about. She had made a framed scrapbook page of their dance recitals for Lillianna. They have been dancing together since they were 3 years old.

I had made a similar gift for Mollie 2 years ago and I had wanted to make one for Lillianna but of course having it come from her very best friend gives it more meaning. Her mom and sister helped her put it together. It is just beautiful. I hung it up in Lillianna's room immediately.

I told her they could each hang their frames up when they room together in college. That would be so cool if they did!

Happy Birthday,Lillianna!

2007-10-03T07:01:00.000-04:00

My daughter is 10 today. TEN!! She's been awake since 2am. How do I know this? I woke up to go to the bathroom and she was in bed reading and watching t.v.! I don't think she ever went back to sleep although she eventually stopped reading and turned off the room light.

Since I am a goofy mom,I put notes all over her lunch today.

On her peanut butter and fluff sandwich it says:

Hey,Peanut butter!
Ya,Fluff.
Did you hear that Lillianna turned 10 today?
Lillianna Piccini ?
Ya....that's the one.Hmmm...never heard of her!

On her bag of grapes it says:

A ten year old grape would be a really wrinkled raisin,
don't ya think?

On her bag of tortilla chips:

Ten year olds love tortilla chips.
Well,nine year olds do too
but that's not the point,is it?

On her bag of mini Oreos:
From all of us in the Oreo bag....
Happy 10th Birthday,Lillianna!

On her bottle of water:
Drink me!! Ten year olds need water to help them grow to be eleven year olds!

I also have a few surprises in store for her. I love sneaky surprises. Today is Wednesday which is rehearsal for the Winter Festival she was picked for. I will pick her best friend,Mollie up on my way home from work. She lives one town over from us. Then we will get Lillianna and Ashely from Winter Festival rehearsal. Lillianna will be shocked to find Mollie with me and I'm sure she'll ask why.

That's when I'll tell her we are going out for pizza before dancing school. The 3 of them are in the same class. After dance class,I will take the girls out for ice cream before taking them home. It's been hard to keep this a secret but it'll be worth it to see her little surprised face!!

Why October 2nd is an important date to us

2007-10-02T06:55:00.000-04:00

Fourteen years ago today,Rich and I met.
October 2,1993 is the date Rich and I have inscribed in our wedding bands. We got married on November 5,1994 but we thought the day we met was more important than the wedding day.

Ten years ago today was my due date with Lillianna. When my midwife gave me my due date on my first check-up I nearly fell off the table. How could my due date be the very day that Rich and I met? I thought that was pretty amazing.
I went into labor right on schedule on October 2nd and delivered my precious baby on October 3 at 4:59am.

That means my bouncing baby will be TEN tomorrow!! She has asked me to wake her up at 4:56am so that she can savor her last minutes of being nine before she turns 10 at 4:59am. Ya gotta love her.

After work today I'll pick Lillianna up from school and then it's home to mass produce baked goods. We'll make funfetti cupcakes to bring to school tomorrow,a chocolate candy cookie cake and some cookies to bring to my mom's for Thursday and then we'll collapse.

I love her birthday!!!

What makes a family?

2007-10-01T07:02:00.000-04:00

Every now and then Lillianna plays this game with me which I call "Real or Not Real." It consists of this type of conversation.

Lillianna: Auntie Kara.....is she really my aunt?
Me: Yes,she's my sister so she is really your aunt.
Lillianna: Auntie Belle.....real or not real?
Me: Belle is my best friend so she's your auntie because I love her.
(Belle is really Liane. I used to call her Lianabella in junior high and high school and over the years it got shortened to Belle.)
Lillianna:Auntie Ida?
Me:Auntie Ida is my aunt because she is married to my father's brother. She might be your grand aunt or something but she is your aunt.

I'm sure everyone has aunts and uncles that are not really related to them but it doesn't make them any less a part of the family. I think it makes them more a part of it because we choose to add them.

With that in mind,I had a great time at Kara's yesterday. I fell in love with Lisa's baby Dash. He is such a sweetie pie. I got to feed him which was so much fun and burp him,which was more difficult than I expected. He does not burp easily. I felt victorious when he finally gave me two big burps.

As we were gathering our things to leave in the evening,Lisa washed Dash's pacifier and then dropped it on the floor. I picked it up and washed and dried it and handed it back to Lisa. She looked tired at that point. She said,"Thank you Auntie Robin."

I said,"Ya....I decided I want to be Auntie even though we're not related."
Lisa asked,"Aren't we related because our families got married?" It was a good theory but I laughed and said,"No,honey. Technically,you are my sister's sister-in-law. We are not related."

We decided it didn't matter at all. Lillianna always calls her Auntie Lisa and I enjoy creating my own family with people I love.

Who have you added to your family?

Twenty year anniversary

2007-09-30T09:59:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of when my dad died. Twenty years! That is just so sad.Sometimes I can't even process how long he's been gone.
I wrote about this last year so I'll just link to it.

I watched our home-movies this morning with Rich and Lillianna. For Dad's 50th birthday Mom put all our reel-to-reel tapes onto a video and bought Dad a VCR. There is no sound of course and some of the tape is scratched but for the most part,it's awesome.

Much of it is of me when I was a baby up until I was about 3 years old. There is also Mom and Dad getting married,their one year wedding anniversary,Dad and his friends in Fort Dix for basic training in the Army Reserve and lots of family parties.

I love seeing my Nana and Papa when they were young and all our family. It's just fun and sad all at the same time. The amazing thing is that we just watched Lillianna's baby videos last night and then when we watched mine this morning,we all noticed similarities. I love that part.

Today Lillianna and I are going to Kara's house for Trent's birthday and to meet his new baby brother Dash.You may have read their mom's blog over here. Lisa is Kara's sister-in-law and Lisa has not blogged since Dash was born last month. Hmmmmm....I wonder why she can't find the time? I can't wait to see everyone. It'll be good to be together and have a fun day with all the kids. I am also looking forward to spending time with my furry nephew,Cody. I love that dog!!

Remember when flip-flops were called thongs?

2007-09-25T19:47:00.001-04:00

I was a kid back in the 70s.When we said thongs we were talking about flip-flops,you know,those in between your big toe kind of rubbery beach sandals. Granted,thong underwear and thong bikinis have the same concept as flip-flops.....there is a big strip that fills a space. It may be a butt crack or the space between your toes but there is a divider involved and it's not often comfortable.

Not to harp on thongs but who thought it was a good idea to invent underwear that intentionally gave you a wedgie? That was one of our worst nightmares as a kid...getting a wedgie. Ahh the teasing that went on when one was trying to right this awful wrong..."Bobby's picking his wedgie....Bobby's picking his wedgie," the kids would mock in a sing-songy voice. Proper etiquette dictates that you NEVER pick your wedgie in public!

Remember when it was a humiliating experience if anyone ever saw any portion of your underwear? Now the girls wear their thongs higher than their skin tight hip-hugger pants and boys wear big baggy pants five times their normal size that they wrap with a belt but their billowing boxers have to be higher than the belt.It's all about seeing the underwear. If a boy saw a girl's underwear he would since,"I see London. I see France. I see Mary's underpants!" Oh the horror!

Let's look at the word,shall we?.....UNDER-----WEAR. If we were meant to see people's unmentionables then they would be called OVERwear or Peek-a-boos or something along those lines.

And while I'm at it,when did the phrase Baby Bump come into play? I am sick of reading a magazine and having someone's bare pregnant stomache glaring at me. The term baby bump irks me just as much as a man saying,"We're pregnant." I wouldn't want to be in the delivery room with that guy.I couldn't take the whining!

Following directions

2007-09-25T07:05:00.001-04:00

I was just checking my email before packing up for work and I got an updated field trip notice from one of Lillianna's Girl Scout troop leaders. They're adding in a trip to the Cape Cod information center and then we go on the beach at low tide for exploration. That sounded great to both of us.

As I printed out the directions Lillianna laughed and said,"HA! Directions....that's funny........You're gonna have to carpool!"

Pretending to be stunned I said,"Well that's not very nice,Lillianna."

She looked over her shoulder on her way out the bedroom door and said patiently,"I'm just telling the truth."

Ya....she's right. I can never follow directions. Won't she be surprised when she finds out I actually know how to get there? I used to work on The Cape and it's not far from my office. HA back at her! (I might still carpool though....it's more fun to go with another mom!)